Hope: A Fool's Paradise
by lifeofla-silverwolf
Summary: The Brotherhood are captured and experimented on. Escape is one thing, recovery is another. Takes place after 'No Good Deed' for the Brotherhood centric timeline, and after 'Target X' in the X Men focus timeline. Angst.
1. Chapter 1 Hoods

Chapter 1. Hoods.

It's not as if I really care.

I don't.

Not about them. I don't care.  
Especially not about them.

But sometimes, I get this feeling... maybe I do.

No, I don't. I really don't.

Why would I?

They're just a bunch of hoods that stick around because they've got nowhere else to go. Rebels without a cause.

I don't.

My self-centered brother is an egotistical jerk.  
Toad is a slimy idiot that won't leave me alone.  
Fred isn't as bad, but he won't even think for himself most of the time, he just goes along with all of my brother's stupid plans.  
I guess Lance is okay. He doesn't really take the crap from my brother, at least not as much. And he's pretty much the only one I might actually have a smart conversation with around here. If I wanted to.

I don't.

I keep to myself most of the time.

They do too, now.

Lance doesn't really talk to anyone now, especially not Pietro. I think he's sad, in a way. I kind of understand how he feels.

I don't think Fred was ever theone to launch a conversation, but in any case, he doesn't.  
Pietro tries to start up new ideas and things, but no one really cares anymore.  
I guess Toad's the only one that's really trying to keep everything together.

I never really tried.

Pietro likes to think he is keeping things together. He's not.  
Lance used to, from what I understand. I can see him doing that. Being the leader.  
I don't think I'd ever want to be the leader.  
I don't think Toad or Fred do either. They don't mind doing what others tell them. Well, as long as the person telling them what to do is okay with them. Or feared.  
I don't think even Lance ever wanted to be the leader. He is, though. In a way. He's still the one they look to. I guess it's grown on them. Lance doesn't want them to, though. He doesn't want to be the leader. He just happens to be.  
I know Pietro wants to be the leader. He always has. He likes being on the top of everything. But I don't know... I think I remember a lot more to him than just that. I'm not sure. I can't remember things so well, and sometimes it hurts to think about it. In any case, Pietro is supposed to be the leader. And he likes to look the part, and talk the part. But I think even Pietro looks to Lance. No, I know he does. Not that he'd ever admit it. I guess it's grown on him too, having someone there.

What is aleader anyhow?

Are you a leader if you're assigned to be, if you want to be; though even you know you're not fooling anyone?  
Are you a leader if you're never recognized as one, but everyone thinks of you as one anyhow? Even if you don't want them to?  
Are you a leader if you're the adult, by default the one with power; the one that organized everything to be what it is now, the one that created the Brotherhood? Even if you disappear, even if you desert the very thing you created?

Mystique hasn't been around for a long time. And we found out why- she's dead. Sort of. But even before that, she left us; long before that.  
She was supposed to be the leader. But she left. I don't really remember her though, just that my father put Pietro in charge after she left.

They say my father is dead. I didn't believe it at first... but it's getting to the point where I can't really deny it.

I wish I didn't care. I wish I didn't care about my father.

Or them.

No, I don't care for them.

I don't.

Why should I?

They're just a bunch of hoods.

* * *

But I'm one of them.

And I think I might just care after all.


	2. Chapter 2 Reason

Chapter 2. Reason

Why?  
I don't know.  
Why am I here?  
Why do I bother?  
Why do I care?  
Why do I?  
I don't know.

I really don't.

Life was so much easier before.  
Before I joined the Brotherhood.  
If you can call that joining.  
As if I had a choice.  
But I never do.

I care.  
I try not to.  
But I do.  
I can't help it.  
I guess I just won't learn.  
Everything I've cared about so far has gone to hell.  
But I still care.  
I can't help it.  
I guess I'm just too stupid to learn.

I care about those idiots.  
I care about Todd. Fred. Wanda. Tabitha. Hell, I even care about Pietro.

Why?

I don't know. I just do.

I care about her.

I know I shouldn't.  
As if my life isn't screwed up enough already.  
As if I don't have enough to deal with.  
As if I don't have enough to think about.  
As if I don't have enough to be worried for.  
But I care.  
I just don't learn, do I?

I care about her.  
She's everything to me.  
I would die for her.

I would.

You might say I just think I would.  
After all, I am only eighteen.  
Too early for that kind of 'I would die for you' stuff.  
I used to think that kind of crap didn't even exist.

I believe it now.

I would die for her.

I love her.

I know she doesn't care.  
She couldn't care less what happened to me.  
I'm just a hood after all, aren't I?  
I'll never be good enough for her.

The guys tell me I should hate her.  
I should.  
And I would, if I could.  
It would make life so much easier.

But I don't.

I can't.

I love her.

I can't help it.

It's the same way with them.  
I shouldn't care about them.  
Really, Todd's just another kid, no one special.  
But I still care about him.  
Fred's just another spot out of my paycheck, another food bill to take care of.  
But I still care about him.  
Wanda doesn't even let any of us get close. She's just there, never really with us.  
But I still care about her.  
Tabitha left us after Mystique came back. She's back with the X-Geeks now.  
But I still care about her.  
Pietro betrayed us. He stabbed us in the back, and I can't forgive him for that.  
But I still care about him.  
About all of them.

Damn it, I don't get it.

Why?

Why do I care?  
It's not like they care about me.

That's not true.  
I know.  
They care. In their own ways, they do. Even Wanda, and she hardly talks to us.

But...

Is it worth it?

All we do is get kicked around.  
We're just kids dragged into something so much bigger than us.  
Just pawns of this war Magneto started.  
And we never wanted to be.

But we never get to have any choices.

What's new?

I don't get it.  
Why do they care?  
I wonder if they know.  
I sure as hell don't.

Wonder what that was?  
Probably just Toad getting blasted into the wall.  
Yeah.  
He really should stop bothering Wanda so much.  
It's not like stalking her is going to get him on her good side.

I wonder if he'd die for her.  
With Todd, you can't really tell.  
He does try, I gotta give him that.  
And he really does care about Wanda.  
He's just not all that good at expressing it.

Look who's talking.

Still, I wonder if he'd die for her.  
I mean, he's only fifteen. If anything, this is a crush.  
Then again, that's what everyone says I have.  
They're wrong.

I love her.

Even if I'm too much of a coward to tell her.

Not like I'll ever be good enough for her anyhow.  
Why drag yourself down further?

Todd might die for Wanda.  
I'm not sure.

For her, I would.

I risked that more than once, actually.  
I never really thought about it when I was doing it though.

There goes Pietro.  
Shouting about something or other.  
Oh, it's dinner this time.  
What're we having?  
How the hell would I know?  
Oh well.  
Might as well get out there.  
Todd might need help; I think I heard another crash. Freddy'll probably take care of getting him out of the wall though. This goes on, and none of the walls are going to last. It's actually reallysurprising how this old house lasted this long. I mean, it's got four, sometimes five, including now, teenagers living without 'adult supervision'. Mutant teenagers at that.

I care about them, damn it.

I don't know why.  
I just do.

Do I even need to know why?  
No, not really.

All I know is, I care about them.  
They're my friends, even Pietro.  
I don't know why they care about me, it's not like they have any reason to, but they do too.

In a way, we're more than just friends. Being housemates got us closer than that. In our own weird ways.

We're kind of like the family none of us ever had.

A really really dysfunctional family that sometimes wants to kill each other, but still a family.

I guess we care because we're all we've got.


	3. Chapter 3 Deception

Chapter 3. Deception.

I can't believe this!

Lance just told me we're out of money.  
Again.  
But this time, he really means it. As in we've got nothing. Zilch. Zip. Nix. Nada. Nil. Nothing.

"What happened to the money you had saved!" I ask. Rolling his eyes, he just jerks a thumb towards the kitchen.

Oh.

No, wait, not 'oh'!

"So what are we going to do for the rest of the month! And then more!"

Lance rolled his eyes yet again.  
"Live off what we've got," he stated.

"Yeah, we can do it. It's not like the money left over from Lance's paychecks were going to last forever. There wasn't much to begin with."

I looked at Fred in disbelief. The guy eats more than the rest of us put together and he can say that?

"Cool it, yo. Me and Freddy can go get us a little donation after dinner, and we'll be fine."  
Todd was paying attention to the talk, but at the same time rubbing his arm. He really doesn't learn. You'd think he would at least know by now to expect the bolts. You'd think he'd at least dodge. But does he? Nooooo.  
I glanced over at Wanda, but she was too busy giving Todd a warning glare to say anything.

"You got a better idea?" Lance was looking at me now. Only, it feels like he's looking right through me. Like I'm not really here.  
"Unless you plan to get us some cash yourself, there's nothing else to do. I'm going out to get us some food with what's left of the money. Todd, come with me. Fred, you can stay behind and round up whatever we have for dinner. And this time, don't eat while you cook Freddy- we don't have much more."

Both of them nodded.

Lance didn't say anything else.

Nothing about Wanda or me.  
Nothing in big fat capital letters. Nothing. Nil. Nada. Nix. Zip... we've been through this before, haven't we?

In any case, nothing.  
Nothing at all about Wanda or me.  
But Wanda is pretty much a given; she doesn't like to go out and she doesn't do much with us. If she's bored, she might come out into the living room, but she won't really say anything, she'll just sit on the couch and look out the window or something. Besides, with Wanda it's either leave her alone or get introduced to a couple hex bolts if you're not careful. He didn't mention me though.  
Nothing about me.

I wish he'd just go back to being Lance.  
Todd and Fred are being normal again. More or less. Around here, we use the term loosely.  
Wanda... doesn't want to kill me anymore. I don't think she ever really did though. I think she knows I love her... very very very very very deep deep deep inside. I do, in case you were wondering. I really do... I hope she knows. I don't think I could ever tell her. I don't have the courage to.  
Lance's the only one that's still mad at me.

I can't really blame him. I did betray them all. And though I've stopped the leader act since my 'father' died, I know I was a jerk before that. I couldn't help it. My father, no Magneto, isn't someone you just ignore. You can't just say 'no' to the guy when he tells you to do something.  
Might as well keep what's left of my pride, and go along with the game, right? Or so I thought. I should have remembered that friendship was harder to keep. And more important. In that way, I'm not so quick.

And I can't do anything about it.

So I just watch as Lance heads back upstairs to get his keys for his jeep.

"I'll go with you."

I blinked. Whoa. What just happened? Am I hearing right? Was that... was that Wanda? Did Wanda just offer to... no, it couldn't be. No way. There was no way...

"What?"

The guys must have been on the same track as me. Fred was straight-out staring. Lance, from the first step of the stairs, was looking at Wanda with a mixture of amazement and skepticism. Todd just brightened up. Immensely. It's amazing how easily he perks up, at least when Wanda's concerned. I think he was about to say something (probably something along the lines of Baby-cakes or something like that), but thought better of it after seeing Wanda's glare.

"I'll go with you. To the store," Wanda repeated.

Ok, I know nothing should surprise me by now; I mean, look at my life! I have a psychotic father hell-bent on ruling the world that has no problems using anyone and everyone as his pawns in his game... oh wait, check that. I HAD a psychotic father that was hell-bent on ruling the world and had no problems using anyone and everyone as his pawns in his game. Yeah.  
My twin sister was locked up in an asylum since she was six and only recently got out. That's more than half her life, if you were wondering. And my father was the one that put her there. Yeah, the psychotic one that wants to rule the world, hates the 'inferior' humans, and won't let anything get in his way. Nice guy, isn't he? Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  
I've been dragged into fights and betrayal. Ok, maybe the fights were sort of my fault too. Partially. And the betrayal too. Sort of. But even I make mistakes, all right! And what was I supposed to do? My father, no Magneto, wasn't about to invite me for tea the next weekend if I said: 'Oh, you want me to stab my friends in the back when they least expect it? Throw aside any and all feelings I have for them? Destroy any platform of trust we've built, and basically kill off everything that matters to me in the least? Hm, no, doesn't work for me. Could I do something else instead? Like maybe be something more than a tool for you to use? An actual person!'  
Sorry, got caught up in that right there. That happens to me sometimes. I can't help it; I think fast too, and I just get wrapped up in things.  
Anyhow, back to me and my warped, chaotic, and possibly simply insane, life.  
The closest things I have to friends (or family, at that, since my twin sister loathes me with burning passion, or would if she remembered what had happened) arefour mutant teens, one of which can spit slime and walk, well, crawl, on walls, another that can eat more than his weight with ease (and trust me, he is by no means light), another who can create her own signature bombs, and another that can create earthquakes. Oh wait, I forgot, Lance is mad at me... I don't know how much. Must be a lot though, otherwise Lance would have exploded on me before this. Wait, he did. Twice. No, more than that.  
Oh.  
...Oh...  
Oh man. It must be really bad if he did and he still can't shake it off. I hope he forgives me... I really really really hope he does.  
Really really.

But back to this.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.  
So, now we were just staring at Wanda, and I have to admit, we probably looked stupid, just standing there, all looking like... well, people dumbly staring at her. Okay, so words escape me for the moment. Must be the shock. You get the idea.

Wanda stood still for a moment, looking back at us, arms crossed, until finally she let out something between an exasperated sigh and a snarl.  
"Well? Do you want me to go or not!"

Oh man.  
Danger zone!

"Sure! I'm going to get my keys!"  
"Of course!"  
"Great idea!"  
"Aw sweetums! I knew you loved me!"

CRASH!

"FORGET IT!"

"Ow..."

That must have hurt...  
Fred's helping Todd out from the newly created Toad imprint on the wall.

"Way to go, Toad," I looked at him. "Can't you lay off that for a minute? Wanda WAS about to go outside for once."

I might have said more, but I didn't. Because even though I gripe about it, I know Todd means well. He's just that kind of guy. And he's loyal like no one I've ever seen before. Just a little clueless at times.

Come to think of it...  
It's kind of weird, really.  
The Brotherhood is the first time I've met anyone with loyalty, with trust.  
With any kind of love for each other, with acceptance and recognition.  
I'm not kidding.  
Scary thought, isn't it?  
I mean, look at us.  
We fight everyday, even with each other.  
But still.  
It's different.

It's deeper than that.

We're all loners.

Some of us by choice, most of us not.

Like Todd and Fred, for example. They're outsiders because no one wants them. They're not too bad though. Humans. Sometimes I can't stand it. Why can't we just get the hell along with each other? I mean, once you get used to them, once you get to know them, the real them, Todd and Fred aren't bad at all. Todd might be a little clingy and obsessive sometimes, and he definitely needs a self-esteem boost, but he's a nice guy. Always ready to help out. Fred too. He may be slow at times, but he just wants to be friends. It frustrates him that no one will understand that. Yeah, I said 'will''. Not 'can'. Because if they tried, they could. They just won't. Besides the Brotherhood, I mean.

Lance is an outcast too. But he's different. He's not afraid of anyone thinking he is one. Well, Todd and Freddy aren't either, but it's different. Lance doesn't care if no one accepts him. He doesn't want them to either. He doesn't care if everyone in the world thinks he's a hood. What other people think doesn't matter to him. All he needs is himself.

I think I kind of admire that.

Me, I'm more like Fred and Todd. We just present ourselves differently. Still, comparing what we believe in and all that, I'm more like Freddy and Todd than Lance. Or Wanda. Or even Tabitha. She joined us for a while, unofficially. Of course, when Mystique came back, that changed.  
She left.  
Still... I can't stop thinking that she didn't really want to leave us. I know it's crazy, thinking that anyone could possible ever want to stay in this dump rather than the X-Geeks' mansion. But you have to admit; she did join us, didn't she? Ok, so maybe she didn't really have any other place to go. Still. Maybe it was the same way when she left. She had no other choice...  
We still talk.  
The Brotherhood and Boom Boom.  
Even though she's gone back to the X-Men now, she's still sort of a Brotherhood member too. Partially. And she doesn't even wear a X-Geek uniform now, so she's not all real X-Geek either. It works out.

Tabby was always more like Lance. It used to annoy me at first. I didn't really know why. It just did. But she doesn't care what other people think of her either. It doesn't annoy me anymore. It's just Tabby. Just like it is with Lance. Even a little with Wanda too, though Wanda doesn't really meet a lot of other people.

I kind of want to be more like them.

Like I said before, Tabby's attitude used to annoy me. I didn't really know why. It just did. Now, I think... I think it might be because she's closer to being Lance than I'll ever be. I think I was... I think I was jealous. Yeah, the great Pietro Maximoff, jealous of Boom Boom. No, wait, I take that back. Oh damn, forget it, it's true. I was jealous. Because Tabitha is so muchcloser to being Lance than I'll ever be, no matter how hard I ignore it.

I was jealous, because, despite the fact that I'll never admit it, I want to be more like Lance. More like Tabitha. More like Wanda...I just admitted it, didn't I? Okay, that doesn't count.

I want to be more like them.

I want to be strong enough to not care what those others say. Society. School. My so-called father. Even the X-Geeks.  
But I'm not.

I want to be brave enough to be able to stand up for them, for the only people I care about. Because, even if Lance doesn't give a damn about what crap anyone says about him, he does care about what matters to him. Who matters to him.

That's why he sticks up for Fred. Eventhough Fred can take better care of himself now than before, and take more criticism. Even knowing that Fred's gotten more laid back since he first came, and can handle it for the most part.

That's why he'll fight off the bullies for Todd. Even if he can't fend them all off. Even knowing that, when we were in school, he'd get detention for weeks straight for 'starting a fight', when we all know he didn't start it, that Matthews, or whichever jerk it was that day, started it by pushing Todd around. Even knowing that, when Mystique had been around, he'd get hell from her later too.

That's why he'll tell the X-Geeks off for Tabitha when she decides to hang out with us. Even knowing that Tabitha doesn't mind the X-Geeks getting on her case, knowing that she doesn't care. Just doing it because she matters.

That's why he'll drive Wanda to places, when she really needs some peace and quiet, to just get away from everything. And wait until she wants to go back. Even if it means staying nearly perfectly quietly in the car, for hours on end, with no music and nothing to entertain him besides an occasional book. Even in the rain sometimes, if Wanda needs it. That's why, when she wants to go back, he won't question her about what she did, he'll just nod and head back, not saying anything unless she wants him to.

That's why he risked taking all the crap from all the X-Geeks just to spend one night with Kitty, all just for one date. That's over now, but it happened. And it wasn't really a risk, it was a sure factor. And they have a not-so-friendly guy- who hates us, by the way- with adamantium claws over at that place.

That's why he looks out for us, every one of us. Even me.

That's what hurts me.

Lance still keeps an eye out for all of us, and he's the one that makes things all right again when everything goes down the drain.  
He's still as protective as he always has been, ever since we became the Brotherhood. Yeah that's right. We became the Brotherhood. It took time. We weren't the Brotherhood the day we joined. It's not something you just join and get to be a part of immediately, or can even create in that second. It's not something that's just created on whim one day. The Brotherhood is more than that. We're not just a bunch of delinquents living together because we've got nothing better to do. At first it was an alliance, an alliance to survive and help each other survive. But ithad beenon more of a business level, and we wouldn't have really risked anything for each other. Then it became more.  
We were friends.  
We actually cared about each other. Of course, we didn't admit it at first, none of us did. Then the feeling started to sink in... and it was nice. Can you believe that? We cared. We actually cared about each other. And we realized that we did.

We were friends. And it was nice.


	4. Chapter 4 Friends

Chapter 4. Friends.

"So what're we gonna get, yo?"

"Just food. Whatever's on sale and looks edible is fine."

I nodded as Lance parked the jeep. He turns off the engine and looks at me.  
"And go for food that can last. Though, with Fred around, that might not be so necessary."

I nodded and hopped out the jeep as Lance got off too.

It was a cool night. But not really cold yet. Good thing too. We've got no heat.

Lance seemed to be thinking the same thing, because he took out his wallet and checked to see how much money he had.

"Ok, anything on sale, forget looking edible, we've got Fred. Besides, how bad can it be if they're selling it?"

"Okay."

We head into the store, and Lance grabs a cart.  
I think he's in one of his 'leader-trying-to-figure-out-what-to-do' modes, because he's not talking to me, and usually we talk and joke around while we shop. Sometimes Freddy comes along too, but Lance doesn't like to leave Wanda and Pietro by themselves that much.

Speaking of Quickie, I don't think Lance's fullyforgiven him yet. I'm pretty sure he hasn't. He's been acting kind of weird to him ever since he came back. I mean since he 'came back', as in after Magneto kicked the bucket and Pietro stopped acting like a stuck-up power-hungry jerk.  
He's just Pietro again, and that's fine with me.

Forgive and forget, right?

Besides, even after what he did, he's still Pietro.  
He's still my friend.  
I think Freddy feels the same way.  
Tabby still drops by sometimes, and she's still cool, with us andPietro too, even if she's staying with the X-Geeks. I asked her if she wanted to come back now, since Mystique's gone and all, but she said she'll leave being the girl of the Brotherhood to Wanda.  
They're kind of awkward. Tabby and Wanda I mean.  
Don't get me wrong; they don't hate each other or nothing.  
But Tabby doesn't like Mystique, so I guessshe's still not sure about Wanda, since the Boss-Lady did bring her here.  
And Wanda's been a little off since Magneto died. She's sad; I know it, though she won't say it.  
They talk sometimes though, when Tabby's over.

"Lance?"

He turns to look at me. "Yeah?"

Yeah, he was definitely in one of his 'thinking-of-a-plan-to-get-us-out-of-this-mess' modes. I can tell by the way he says 'yeah?', sort of dazed and all.  
He used to be like that when he was thinking of Kitty too, only more happy most of the time.  
Except when we just had a fight with the X-Jerks or something, of course.

"Nothing."

Lance gives me an oddlook, but just picks up a couple cans from the aisle and drops them in the cart.

He's cool, Lance. Definitely.  
And he makes things feel better, even when we've got no heat, no running water, and no electricity. Yeah, that happened once. We had all that and no gas either one time too. It was back when we had Tabby with us. I don't remember how Lance paid off all those bills, but he did.  
Oh wait, I remember. He said he found some extra cash in Mystique's room.  
...But I thought we'd already found everything in there?

"Hey Lance?"

"Yeah?" He's picking up some kind of noodles. "Think Fred can figure out how to cook this thing? I don't know what it is."

I look at the cheapnoodles. "Can't we just make spaghetti with it or something, yo?"

"I think you're only supposed to use spaghetti noodles for that, but why not," Lance tossed it in the cart. Discount prices can do that to you. Well, when you're us. "What were you talking about?"

"You remember that time? The time when we had no money, and they shut off our water, and the electricity and gas, and all that? When nothing was working?"

Lance pauses for a moment, then nods. "Yeah. That was a while ago. What about it?"

He looks at me, and I think he thought there was something wrong, because he got that 'worried-older-brother-slash-leader' look on his face.  
"Todd, are you worried that's gonna happen again? It's not; don't worry all right? We'll think of something."

I shake my head. "Nah, it's not that. I was just wondering yo, how'd you pay the bills?"

"What?"

"You know, where'd you get the money, yo?"

"I told you, I got it from Mystique's room. Well, Tabby's room back then," he looks at me like I'm not making any sense, but I can tell he's hiding something. Sometimes I can tell.

When Lance is lying I mean. All of us can.  
Lance isn't too great at lying.  
I think it's because he doesn't care about what others say, so he doesn't bother with it, with putting up fake faces and making up lies to satisfy everyone else.  
He tries to, though. Lie,I mean.  
Well, to us. He doesn't like to say stuff that might hurt us.

"But we already looked through everything. You told us yourself the time before; that the money you were using was the last of it."

Lance shrugs. "I found more." He goes back to looking through the aisle for discount foods.  
"Think we get enough vitamins and stuff from the soup?" he motions to the cans we got earlier.

"I dunno, yo. I don't think so."

Lance looks at the shelves again, and I get why he asked. He grabs a few cans of canned fruit that's on sale and adds it to our load.

"You and Pietro probably need it. Wanda too," he explains.

He's right.  
I just remembered; Pietro needs more vitamins and minerals and all that than we do because of his metabolism.  
Me and Wanda need about the regular amount, and I think Lance does too, I mean he would, right? But he never says anything about that, and he never takes any of the fruit or things like that when we have it, not that I've seen.  
We're pretty sure Freddy's all right with whatever, as long as there's a lot of it.

"Okay, let's say you paid that time with extra money you found in Mystique's room. Then what about that other time?"

Lance raises an eyebrow. "What other time?"

"Last month yo. You can't tell me you got the money from Mystique's room, I know there weren't nothing in there. And I know there wasn't any money left from Magneto in Pietro's room either; so don't tell me that. I checked Quickie's room before you did."

Lance looks at me, taking a moment to remember what I'm talking about.  
"You mean the time they shut off our electricity and water?"

"Yeah that time. How'd you pay them?"

Lance pauses again. I think he's trying to come up with a good excuse. He doesn't find one though, I'm guessing, because he just shrugs.  
"I just did," he says as he moves on to another section.  
He's definitely not telling me something.

Frozen foods corner this time.

I grab a couple cheap pizzas and toss them in the cart, along with the two medium-sized packages of frozen vegetables that Lance got.

"Aw man, do we need the greens? Can't we get other stuff instead?"

"Well, they're on sale. And they're not usually, so we should get them while we can. 'Sides, we should have something healthy once in a while. Especially Wanda and Pietro; those two can't handle things as well as we can."

"Oh all right," I give the vegetables a look, but don't say anything more.  
He's right again. Pie' and Wanda have more sensitive stomachs than we do. Which is basically only a little bit more sensitive than the regular guy, probably, since Lance can handle most things, and Freddy can take anything. And I do eat flies, so...

"So how did you pay the bills those two times?"

Lance pauses to look at me. "Are you still on that? I told you, I found some extra cash in Mystique's room."

"That's a bold-faced lie yo, and you know it. And what about the second time, huh? Come on; tell me? Please?"

Lance rolls his eyes at seeing me widen my eyes and stare at him. My best puppy eyes; rivaled only by Quickie's.

He turns towards the last aisle- dairy products.

...And he walks off!

My puppy eyes didn't work?

I watch as Lance walks towards the cheaply priced red-sticker cheese, staring for a moment before catching up. I was going to have to brush up on my technique.

"Aw come on, Lance, you can tell me. Did you have some extra money stashed for yourself or something?" I hop onto the cart to look at him face-to- face.

"Todd, get off the cart," Lance grumbles as he pushes me away, but it's too light to actually push me off.

"Please?"

Lance rolls his eyes, but gives in. "The first time, I had a little extra cash on me and I stole some, and borrowed the rest from Kitty. The second time, I sold some things," he finally replied, looking annoyed. "Now get off the cart."

I hop off, but I don't get it.  
Well, the first time makes sense, I guess, but the second is completely weird.  
Sold something? What did Lance have that would be worth so much? I mean, the bills really weren't a couple bucks or anything.

"What do you mean, you sold something, yo? What'd you sell?"

"Stuff," Lance glances around, and spots a clock on the wall.  
Seven fifteen.  
"Come on, it's getting late."  
And he heads for the cashier, without telling me.  
I pause and think about it; should I risk getting Lance a little annoyed and keep asking?  
It's not really that hard of achoice though.  
I mean, I'm as curious as the next guy, and probably more, but Lance looks too tired to deal with that right now.  
And he's probably trying to figure out a way to get money for our next food bill, not to mention all the other bills.  
Yeah, Lance's got enough to think about as it is. I'll just leave him alone. Maybe he'll tell me later anyhow.

Lance places the things on the counter and hands over the money as the guy at the register takes it without so much as blinking.  
Wow.  
He seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that we're mutants, and the Brotherhood at that.  
The evil Brotherhood that pretended to be heroes last month but was only fakes after all.  
The evil Brotherhood that the police almost arrested but couldn't because of lack of evidence.  
I guess some people really don't watch the news.  
Or read the papers.  
Or listen to the radio.  
Or the gossip.  
Or talk to anyone!  
I mean come on; we were all that people talked about for that entire week!  
Everything was about us!

Oh well, just as well.  
It's not like it'd be good for us to be found out.  
The store would probably kick us out, in the least.  
And I'm pretty sure 'in the least' isn't gonna happen for us; with us it's usually the extreme cases.

Lance takes the change (which is exactly twenty two cents) and grabs the bags of food, but before he can take them all, I grab the last one on the counter.  
"Don't tell me you brought me here for looks," I flash him a grin, and he grins back.

It's cool, having Lance around.  
And Freddy, Pietro, Wanda, and Tabby too.  
Lance, Freddy and Pietro are like my brothers.  
Tabby's like the crazy but fun and exciting sister I never had.  
They're like a family to me.  
No, they are family to me.  
I know they feel it too, even if we don't really talk about it. It's something we all know; it doesn't need to be shouted out loud.  
They're there for me, and I'm there for them.  
One for all, and all for one, as they say.  
We're more than an affiliation, a group, a team. We're friends, and we're family too.

Lance is like our older (in my case, oldest) brother, and he always looks out for us. He really defends us. And helps us out when we need to talk or something. He understands.

Pietro's like the hyper middle brother that plays jokes on everyone and teases us, even Lance. He's the one that keeps things lively around here, especially since Tabby left.

Fred's in the middle too, but me and Fred, we're closer. We're best friends, and we're brothers too. Cool, right? It is. It's kinda always been that way; somehow it turned out like that ever since we all met.

Me and Fred.

Lance and Pietro.

I think that's why Lance still hasn't gotten over what Pietro did. They're not really as close as Fred and me, at least not on the outside, but they're a little bit more closer to each other than they are to us.  
We don't mind either; we're still all friends, and a family.

Even Tabby. Tabby's our sister, the fun one that gets us into the craziest things, but cares about us all the same.  
The only sister we had until Wanda joined.  
The sister of the Brotherhood.  
She still is, she just doesn't live in the same house anymore.  
She's still one of us though.

Wanda's a different story all together.

Wanda's the most amazing, most intelligent, most beautiful person I have ever met in my entire life.  
Granted, it hasn't been that long of a life yet, but still.  
She's what keeps me going.  
She's not like anyone else.  
I mean, sure Tabby was cool to hang with, and she's my friend, but Wanda's totally different.  
She's the sun in my world.  
Pretty cheesy, I know.  
But whenever I think about her, I get sappy; I can't help it.  
She makes a guy want to brush his teeth and take a shower, and all in one day.

Now I understand why Lance used to be so sappy when he was hung up on Kitty.

I want to do so much for Wanda.

"Todd, you all right? You've got that dazed look again. You're thinking about Wanda, aren't you?"

I snap out of it and look at Lance. He's finished putting the stuff in the jeep already. I put my bag inside as well and hop in.  
"Yeah, I was," I give him what the guys call the 'love-sick grin'.

Lance just grins a bit and starts the jeep. He understands.  
More than anyone else, at least on this subject.  
After all, he had once fallen head over heels for Kitty too.  
I think he still is. Not that I'd ask or anything. No need to remind him if he's forgotten. And if he hasn't, he's obviously not bringing it up because he doesn't want to.

Kitty's different from Wanda.  
But both are sort of out of reach for us.  
Well, more for Lance than me. The X-Geeks are pretty stuck up, you know.  
Wanda's not like that.  
Wanda's like an angel.  
She's so...

"You're hopeless," Lance chuckles at seeing the expression I have as we pull out of the parking lot.

I grin. "Yeah, I guess I am."

We laugh as we head home.


	5. Chapter 5 Trust

Chapter 5. Trust.

Potatoes. Spaghetti. Onions. Weird looking brown muck... Lance probably wouldn't want me to put that in. Cereal. Oatmeal...spoiled. Strange mushy brownish greenish yellowish stuff... is that a mutant banana? A few candy bars. Some kind of green thing, kind of looks like Todd's slime... wait, it is Todd's slime. How'd that get in the refrigerator?

After taking a little longer to finish the search, I took out all the food that looked edible; edible in Pietro terms, that is, because most of it looked okay to me. Well, except the weird brown muck and the mutant banana stuff.

I was trying to fix us a meal with all the food we had. Which wasn't much, but there were a lot of different things. Pietro had come downstairs after checking up on Wanda to help out. So now he's sitting at the table, telling me which foods we could use and which we should throw away.  
He looked kind of sad, though.  
Must be tired; Pietro doesn't usually let things like that show. Well, none of us do, not really. We don't really do a lot of 'expressing our feelings' stuff besides the normal and, mostly for Wanda and sometimes for Lance, anger. Well, me too, but I'm trying to control that.Not that Lance and Wanda aren't, of course. Todd's gotten to be a little lovey-dovey and kinda sappy since Wanda came, but he was always a pretty light-hearted guy anyhow.

"Hey Pietro, you okay man?"

"Yeah; why?"

Pietro must have noticed that he had let himself slip, because he immediately changed his expression. Only, it didn't help very much. He still looked...

"You look kinda down."

"Oh. I'm fine. We can't use those, by the way. They're spoiled."

It's usually this way with us when Pietro comes downstairs while Lance and Todd are out getting groceries; and Wanda is reading or something. I tossed the rotten food in the trash and looked at what we had.

"Three potatoes, some spaghetti noodles, a little spaghetti sauce, two onions, some cereal, a Hershey's milk chocolate bar, a Milky Way bar, two small loaves of bread, a Three Musketeers bar, an apple, an orange, seven eggs, a granola bar, dried peaches, a little bit of ham, and a some salt and pepper. How the hell are we going to make a meal with this?" Pietro grumbled as he examined the contents of the refrigerator, even the entire kitchen.

"I dunno." And I didn't. I don't think there was a way.

"You're joking," Pietro mumbled sarcastically, but I could tell he was sorry he said it, even right after. I guess he was just feeling bad about being left out of the grocery trip.

He's usually in these moods when Lance takes one of us out and not him. Usually, it's just for groceries, so it's Todd, since I tend to stand out, and we're trying to keep a low profile and all; but sometimes I go with him. Or both of us, though Lance doesn't really like to leave Wanda and Pietro by themselves. And sometimes, Wanda and Lance leave for a while, and Lance doesn't tell us where, only that Wanda needed a break. He doesn't like to do anything with just Pietro though.

Not since it all happened.

Me and Todd are okay with Pietro now that he's not being a jerk, but Lance hasn't been able to get past that. But it hasn't been so bad. It's not like they're fighting all the time or anything. Nothing like that. More like Lance doesn't really notice Pietro anymore. It's affecting Pietro a lot though. I can tell. It hurts him. I think Todd and even Wanda notice it too, though none of us ever says anything. It's really not our business to get into, and we know Pietro hurt Lance too, when he turned against us and betrayed us.

Still, I just want us all to be friends again. I think we could be happy if we were all friends, even if we don't have any money.  
That was the way it was back when we had Tabitha around. It had been nice.

That seems like a pretty long time ago now, but it's only been a couple of months.

It was so cool, and so easy back then, even if we were broke most of the time. We used to joke around a lot and just hang out, you know? Maybe bother the X-Geeks a little. Though, really, we never meant to do any real damage after Mystique left. Before we never had a choice in the matter. It was them or us, and we didn't really want it to be us.

So much stuff happened since then, I don't think any of us are the same anymore. Mystique returned, Tabby left, and Wanda came. Mystique disappeared again. Pietro turned on us, and then acted as our 'leader' when Magneto sent him here, and then went back to normal again. Lance left things to Mystique when she came back, then took responsibility again when she disappeared, then let go of command again when Magneto put Pietro in charge. Then started taking care of things again after Magneto died. Oh, yeah, I should mention that Magneto died. Mystique too. Well, I'm not sure about Mystique exactly, but you can't really be alive after you're turned to stone, right?

I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I mean, I guess I feel bad for Mystique. She was okay most of the time, unless she was mad or something. And she did pay the rent for the house and give us a place to stay and everything. But the whole time, it wasn't really for us, more for Magneto, and after she came back, her. Plus she wasn't so nice to us, not even when she wasn't angry. She was pretty scary when she was.

Magneto I still don't know about. I guess I feel bad for him too, but he wasn't a very nice guy either. Didn't really treat us that good. Not good at all, actually. Still, he was Pietro and Wanda's dad, so I do feel bad for them. Wanda's been taking it pretty hard, though she won't let us see that most of the time.

Oh well, thinking about them isn't going to change anything. I'll just leave it at that.

Todd and I, we've pretty much been the same throughout though, for the most part.  
Tabby left, but she still hangs out with us a lot. And when she does, she's still the same Tabby.  
Wanda used to be real mad at Magneto and Pietro, but she's okay with them now. Like I said before, I think she's actually sad about Magneto dying; but she doesn't really like to talk about it, so we leave that alone.  
I guess Lance and Pietro are the ones that changed the most.

"I don't think we can do anything with this. We'll just cook the potatoes, and the spaghetti with the onions, and the ham. And cook the eggs separately. Then when Lance and Todd get back, we can just take whichever suits us from what's left and eat that."

I looked at Pietro. I wasn't sure what he said, but I was pretty sure whatever it had been, it would be a pretty good idea. "Yeah, okay."

I think Pietro must have noticed that I hadn't really heard him, because he gave me a look, but he didn't do anything besides that, so maybe not.

He got the pot out and handed it to me, along with the spaghetti and sauce. "Get the spaghetti ready, I'll get the onions and potatoes. I can make the eggs after that."

I nodded and started pouring water in the pot for the noodles. Pietro finished chopping up the onions for the spaghetti just as I was putting the pot on the stove to boil the water, and set to peeling the potatoes. Let me tell you something; one of the best things about living with a fast, really fast, housemate is that when he helps you cook, everything gets done in half the time. Whichis good, because at here in the Brotherhood house, none of us are really that patient. Especially not when we're hungry.  
We usually have spaghetti, or something to that idea, because it's cheap. Most kinds of noodles are cheap actually, so we usually just get whatever noodles are on sale and use that for whatever we're having that day. Of course, though the noodles are cheap, the sauce really isn't, so we have to water it out a bit, but all in all, it's okay. Better than nothing, anyhow. Just as I took out the cooked noodles and added the sauce that Pietro had made (with the watered-down-sauce, the little bit of ham, the onions, and the potatoes... potatoes don't really fit that well, but we like to add whatever we happen have in our food), there were footsteps. Pietro was impatiently looking at the eggs on the frying pan he had in front of him, waiting for them to cook, but he turned for a moment too, when he heard it.

"Are they back yet?"

Wanda was standing by the door, and it looked like she had noticed the rest of the food piled on the table.

"Tell me that's not all we have to eat."

"Um..." Pietro and I looked at each other.

Wanda scowled. "It is, isn't it."

Once again, Pietro and I looked at each other, then back at Wanda.  
"...We have spaghetti?"

Wanda frowned, walking towards us, which, admittedly, was kind of scary, especially since she had left for her room before in a bad mood; but she didn't do anything besides stop by the table to get a closer look at what was on it.  
"There's practically nothing left," she muttered. "Lance and Toad had better have gotten some good food," she sighed. "They should be coming back by now, what time is it?" she looked at us.

Pietro glanced at the clock, which happened to be in the hall, so he actually had to step out and then come back. Not that it took him more than a few seconds.  
"Seven twenty five. They should be getting home soon."

Wanda nodded as she took a seat by the table, across from where Pietro had been sitting.  
"We're doomed," she said after a moment, looking at the food again.

"No, we'll be okay. Lance'll think of something, right Pietro?"

Pietro nodded. "Yeah. Besides, this has happened to us before, and a lot of times. It's nothing we can't handle."

Wanda didn't look very convinced, but she didn't say anything else.

She cleared away the table, well, put the other foods on one side in a pile, so I could put the pan of spaghetti down, while Pietro finished cooking the eggs. It wasn't so bad, actually. Better than some other days we've had.

Just as I was wondering if we should put the bread in the spaghetti or divide it separately, the door opened and Todd hopped into the kitchen a moment later.

"I smell food; we having spaghetti, yo?"

"Yeah, but we have some ham and potatoes and onions in it this time," I answered.

"And we have eggs," Pietro added.

"Cool," Todd placed the bag he had with him on the counter, and hopped onto a chair. He was a cheerful guy, really. Real easy-going, though he got nervous a little easily.

Lance walked into the kitchen just as Todd gave Wanda his usual 'I'm back' greeting of "Did ya miss me?" and Wanda's usual response of "No; stay away from me." Walking over to the counter, he put his groceries on the counter as well.  
"Spaghetti again?"

I nodded, and he shrugged. "Okay. We got some food, and it'll last for a bit, but we're going to have to ration it or something. What else do we have?"

"This," Wanda motioned towards the pile of random food stuffs on the edge of the table.

"And seven eggs, sunny-side-up," I pointed towards the fried eggs, now all on a plate. "And bread," I added, also nodding towards the two loaves sitting next to the spaghetti.

"What's all that?" Lance looked at the food pile.

"Some cereal, a Hershey's milk chocolate bar, a Milky Way bar, a Three Musketeers bar, an apple, an orange, a granola bar, and dried peaches," Pietro answered. Man, he has good memory; I had already forgotten the details.

For a second Lance looked like he was going to sigh or get mad or something, but he just nodded. "Okay, split the eggs up; we have enough of that to go around. Fred, you take the two extras. And Fred, take one of the bread loaves, Pietro you too. Wanda can take the orange, and Pietro can take the apple; Todd, you have the dried peaches. And yeah, you all have to eat it; you need the vitamins and stuff. Fred, I bought some soup, so you can have some of that too. We'll leave the rest for tomorrow."

"You're not taking anything extra," Wanda stated after Lance drew out the list. Wanda didn't miss much, but even we had noticed that this time.

"I'm not hungry," Lance replied.

"You didn't have lunch either, yo," Todd looked at him.

"Yeah, he's right," Pietro frowned.

"I ate while I was out during the day." Lance began scooping the spaghetti out onto plates, and handed the first to Todd. "Yes, you have to eat the onions," he said before Todd could even speak, almost exasperatedly.

Pietro and I had to keep ourselves from chuckling at that, and even Wanda smirked a little bit.

Todd sulked a bit, but just a bit, and it was more of an act to keep us grinning. Which it did. It even made Lance grin a bit. Lance handed the second dish to Pietro and so on; everyone took the food into the living room because the table we have in the kitchen is too small to fit all of us around it. Plus the food pile on one side of it took up what little space we had.

Lance handed the last of the spaghetti to me, and the eggs too.  
"Sorry Freddy, you can't have more than one can of soup; we're going to have to cut down on food for a little while," he looked at me apologetically, and I just nodded. It wasn't like this was his fault or anything. Lance's the one that fixes things around here, but usually, he's not the one that made things go wrong in the first place. He's just the one that fixes them. And besides, missing a little food didn't bother me that much. It wasn't like the guys had a lot to eat either; I could handle it.

But what got to me was that Lance hadn't taken any of the food himself. He was doing that lately. Barely eating anything. The guys don't really know about it, since Lance usually distributes the food to them first, but I think they know Lance's been missing a couple meals here and there, and I definitely think Wanda knows something's up; she's sharp, even if she pretends not to pay attention to us sometimes.  
"Aren't you having anything?"

Lance turned to me; he was already halfway to the door. "Nah, I'm gonna go upstairs; take care of the groceries, would you?" he nodded towards the bags.

"Lance, you gotta eat, man."

"It's just a headache, Freddy. I'll eat in the morning, all right? I'll be fine, Fred. Heat up the soup before you eat it," he left, and I could hear his footsteps as he went upstairs.

"Lance ain't eating again, is he?" Todd looked up at me when I entered the room. Everyone was sitting somewhere around the two couches we had, sort of around the TV. We probably would have watched it, but we've decided to keep the electric bill as low as possible lately.

"No," I shrugged helplessly.

"This can't be good for him, yo," Todd looked at us. "It ain't healthy to miss meals like that."

"Since when is anything healthy around here," Pietro muttered, quiet enough that only I heard it, since I was sitting right next to him.  
"But Toad's right. We can't do anything about it though. What'd you guys get?"

He was changing the subject. Pietro does that a lot, especially when things get touchy. But we don't mind; most of the time we want to change the subject too. Pietro's just better at it than we are.

"Stuff. Noodles, soup, some veggies, and even some fruit yo. And the highlight of the shopping spree- we got frozen pizza," Todd answered, slightly more cheerful. At least, he was trying to be. Todd was just that kind of guy; he doesn't like for things to get too serious, it makes him nervous. So he's usually the one to make things lighter.

"Not much," Wanda noted.

Todd shook his head. "Not really."

"We'll have to ration it. We're all going to have to cut down until we find a way to get some money," Wanda looked at us. We nodded. Mostly, Wanda doesn't talk all that much, but when she says something, it's usually important, and she really means what she says.

"I'll go pick some pockets after dinner, collect a few wallets; how about that?" Todd looked at us.

"Yeah, and I'll do some collecting myself; not like anyone will be able to see me or notice till it's too late," Pietro added off-handedly. He usually does that. Pietro likes to make things a big deal most of the time, but when it comes to actually helping us out in stuff the rest of us can't do or something, he makes it seem real casual and all.

"Good," Wanda nodded slightly, returning to her dinner. We took the cue to be quiet and went back to eating as well.


	6. Chapter 6 Value

Chapter 6. Value.

So we're broke. Big damn deal. So we've got practically nothing. Big damn deal. So we're screwed. Big damn deal. What's new?

...Ok.  
So there is something new.  
And yeah, I was being sarcastic before.  
The thing is, I have no idea what to do, not this time. No clue whatsoever.

I mean, yeah, we've been in this kind of situations before, and I mean a lot, but this time, it's different.  
This time, I've got nothing.  
Nothing.  
Really.

No secret stash of money saved from the time my parents died.  
No Kitty to borrow money from.  
No objects of any value whatsoever to sell.  
Nothing.

And I wasn't going to be able to steal that much money from anyone, unless I wanted to rob a bank or something.

And to tell you the truth, I don't like to steal.  
I do it because we have to, yeah, but really, I'd rather not.

Ok, so I'm soft.  
Big deal.  
I've been going soft ever since I came to Bayville, what do you want from me. I mean, otherwise why would I still be here? Why would I bother to stay with five mutant teenagers, to take care of them?  
There's no other explanation for it; I've gone soft. Lance Alvers, a softie. Hell.  
And yeah, I've gone really soft since I met Kitty.  
So what.  
That doesn't mean I've gone all soft.  
Besides, I don't have time to think about this.  
I've got more to worry about on my mind.

Well, maybe I could sell my jeep.  
But I doubt anyone would buy it.  
She's my second love (first before I met Kitty), but she's still pretty worn out.  
Besides, Bayville's sort of a prep town; most of the people around here are rich.  
I mean, I would never have gotten anywhere near this place if Mystique hadn't brought me. Well, maybe I would have, if I needed to steal a couple bucks, but I would definitely not be living here, even if it happens to be in a run down oldplace on the edge of town.  
Besides, if I did sell my jeep, how'd we get anywhere? The entire Brotherhood relies on the jeep, not just me. No, I can't sell it, even if someone was willing to buy it.

So what do I do?

Oh is that Pietro?  
Or is it Wanda?  
Definitely isn't Fred; I would have heard him coming upstairs long before he reached my room. Not Todd; his hopping sounds different from the way Pietro and Wanda walk. Well, that is when Pietro actually 'walks' instead of zipping around everywhere.  
Whoever it is, I'd better answer the knocking. Around here, knocking's a luxury you don't get often.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Lance?"

Pietro.  
Wonder why he's here. Pietro doesn't usually talk to me, at least not just to me. Mostly it's when we're all around. And even then, we don't really talk to each other. It's more like we sort of talk around each other.  
Yeah, I know I'm the reason that's happening, but I can't help it.

"Yeah?"

Even my voice gets kind of different when I talk to Pietro now. Sort of deeper. Somewhat more Avalanche than Lance Alvers.

"Um... yeah, we wanted to see if you were hungry or anything. Blob says if you changed you mind and want something to eat, he'll cook you something."

I can tell he's a little nervous. He's been like that lately, at least with me. Well, more when it's just the two of us. I guess he knows I never forgave him. Then again, it's probably hard not to notice.  
Yeah, I'm still going on about that. I know I shouldn't; Pietro didn't mean for anything real bad to happen. And I know about Pietro and Magneto now. So really, I should just get over it. Get the hell over it, like everyone else has. But something keeps holding me back. And I can't.

"I'm fine."

"Okay... uh, Lance?"

I'm not heartless, all right?  
I feel bad about making Pietro feel bad. He tries to hide it, and to anyone but us, it would be invisible. But we know Pietro too well to not see it when he's got that slight anxiety around him. We can see it in the way he talks and everything.  
I really do feel bad about making Pietro feel that way. I feel horrible, actually. And whenever I think about this, I keep remembering her words... and I feel like I really am nothing but a hood, like everyone keeps telling me.  
But I can't. I can't make myself forgive him. I want to, but at the same time I don't. I can't explain it.  
It doesn't change the fact that I feel like the biggest jerk in the world when I see Pietro though.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry-about-before-I'm-going-with-Todd-to-get-us-some-money-tomorrow-all-right-night."

I blinked. That was pretty much all I did for a second or two. First off, Pietro had talked too fast, even for him, so I had to think it through and decipher the words, and second...had he just apologized?

Ah hell.  
Now I feel like a complete jerk.  
No, check that, I am a complete jerk.

I just keep digging myself into deeper holes. It really can't get much deeper than this.

Which brings me back to the situation.

We're five teenagers, almost six, living by ourselves.  
Mutant teenagers at that.  
Fred needs to eat a lot; that's a given.  
But so does Pietro, and even a little in Wanda's case too.  
Pietro's metabolism is as fast as he is, and he needs to eat a lot to keep up with it, other wise he'll get really tired and probably even worse.  
Wanda's hexing takes a lot out of her, and though it's not like she's used to eating luxury foods, she does kind of have a sensitive stomach. So does Pietro, actually. Probably genetic... hopefully from their mom's side. I can't imagine Magneto with a weak stomach. I can't imagine Magneto with a weak anything, actually. Oh wait, I can. A weak conscience and morals. Definitely.  
Anyhow, my point is, we're broke and we all need a lot to eat, even more than the usual 'growing teen' amount. I can get by on barely anything, but even Todd needs the normal amount of food.  
How the hell am I going to get the money to get food?  
I have no clue. And it's not like we don't have any other bills to pay. At least before, when we had Tabby and still went to school, we could take showers and stuff at school, if the water was cut. Now we can't even do that. And step outside at the wrong time, in the wrong place; people will actually throw things at us. And more.

It makes me wonder, sometimes.

Why us? Why them? Why me?

I don't know.

None of us asked to be mutants.  
None of us asked to be orphans.  
None of us asked to be hoods.  
None of us asked to be abandoned.  
None of us asked to be deserted.  
None of us asked to be hit.  
None of us asked to be hurt.  
None of us asked to be lonely.  
None of us asked to be alone.

But we are.

At least, we were, before we all met.

The Brotherhood's all any of us has.  
We're outcasts, outsiders, hoods.  
We're nothing in the eyes of society.  
We're just a bunch of delinquents.  
A bunch of nobodies.  
To everyone else in the world, we're trash, the bottom of the social pyramid, the residual garbage. And in their minds, the world would probably be better off without us. To everyone else, we're worthless.

But not to each other.

We're family.  
We're friends.  
We're the only ones that care about each other in this whole damned world. Even Wanda cares about us, we can tell, even if she won't show it. Otherwise, why would she stay? I mean, she's not really a delinquent in the way we are. And her powers... well, even Magneto was afraid of her. She'd probably be all right even if she left, even if she was by herself. But she cares, so she stays. Even Tabitha, though she doesn't live with us anymore. Otherwise, why would she come? Why would she come over nearly everyday, when she's got a mansion to stay in? Why would she bother to sit at our table, the hood table, back when we were still in school, right after Mystique came? To declare to everyone that she was one of us?  
They both care.  
Plus, they've both been given the chance to stay at the X- Geeks'. Tabitha took it after Mystique came back, but she hangs around with us more than anyone else, not even that Magma kid in the New Recruits. And Wanda, well, Xavier told her she could join them if she wanted. She might have. I mean, he was meeting with her even before Mystique sprung her out. But she didn't. Of course, Wanda says it's because she doesn't like Xavier, at least that was her reason when she was asked the first time, since he didn't get her out and all that. But after she got back from that ski trip, well, she forgot. And Xavier asked her again, a little later. And she said no. Again. Yeah, she cares about us 'idiots' and 'lunatics'.

I can't help but wonder though.  
Maybe it'd be better if Wanda did join the X-Men, or in the least, just leave.  
Maybe it'd be better if Tabitha stayed away from us, like everyone else does.  
Hell, if Pietro wasn't so furiously against the X-Geeks, and Todd wasn't so scared of some of them, maybe it'd be better for all of them to go. Fred would go, if they all did, I know. Even Todd, I guess; when it comes down to it, the little guy's pretty good about pushing his fears away. Not that that keeps him, or any of us at that, from having nightmares, but there's the effort, and that's what counts, isn't it? So I hear.

Maybe I'm holding them back, since I'm the one telling the X-Geeks off when Xavier or Storm or someone comes to talk. Maybe I'm the reason we're still stuck here.  
Sure, I did join them by myself that one time, but we all know how that story went, don't we. Besides, I'm the only one that really wouldn't fit in. Todd and Fred are pretty easy-going, once you get past the Toad and Blob acts. Wanda... I 'm pretty sure she'd be the same Wanda anywhere. You can't force someone like her to change, not even to adapt. She's her own person, no matter what. But over there they'll probably try to get to know her, try to understand. Besides, they've got Rogue over there, shouldn't they be a little used to that? I mean, Wanda's worse than Rogue, in a good way of course, but Rogue's no social butterfly either. Pietro. Okay, Pietro might have some trouble. But all in all, Pietro's the best adapter out of us all. I mean, he was the only one people actually talked to without using insults and threats when we were at school. People just assumed he hung out with us, the bad crowd, for some excitement or something, and that it was just some thrill-seeking teen phase.

It's always like that. When people think something doesn't fit in their description, they just have to find a reason to justify the 'wrong', even if they make it up in their own minds.

I'm getting philosophical at two thirty in the night. I officially declare myself insane.  
Everyone else's already asleep; I heard them going to bed around twelve, or something like that.

I wonder if anyone else spends the night up like I do these days. I don't think so. But I used to do this even back when we had Mystique around the first time, so probably not. Though, I have to admit, those days it was once a month or something to that idea. And usually thinking about other things. My thoughts changed after Mystique left us, and that's about when things really got to where they are now, I guess.

Still.  
I keep wondering, the same thing over and over.  
Is it me?  
Am I the one holding them back?

Todd and Fred never really hated the X-Men. It was more like a temporary adaptation to survive Mystique and Magneto.

Wanda never really cared about them, one way or other. The only person she was really against was Magneto, and after the ski trip, she doesn't really hate anyone. Sure she's still distant and gets angry at the drop of a hat and all that, but she doesn't hate anyone anymore.

Pietro doesn't really care about them either. Not anymore. I guess he just hated them because his dad and Mystique told him to. Kind of similar with Todd and Fred, though Pietro actually started believing it. I don't think he does anymore though. No, I know he doesn't.

I don't either, not really.

But while I don't hate them, I do dislike them.  
Mostly because of the way they treat us.  
Like we're lower than them.  
Even when Xavier or Storm or someone- even Summers and Jean Grey came once- comes to talk to us, they act like we're pathetic charity cases, and they're doing it just because their conscience is telling them that we're losers who can't take care of anything by ourselves, so they have to come to the rescue.  
Of course, they've stopped doing that a while ago; not that it happened a lot, just two or three times in total.  
They make me feel as low as all those people say I am. And in a way, I guess they're right. Lance Alvers, the troublemaker. Lance Alvers, the rebel without a cause. Lance Alvers, the hood. Lance Alvers, the one who'll never amount to anything.  
I don't hate them, I guess. But I don't like them either.  
And while I don't hate them, since I do dislike them, it's easier to just keep up the act and pretend that I do hate them, because it's easier to keep things the way they are.

Except, things never stay the same.

I'm the only one that's trying to force them to.

Maybe because I've never had any control over my life. Maybe because I am just a jerk that's ruining other people's lives. Maybe because I'm just another hood, another rebel against each and every authority, and that's all I know how to be.

But mostly because I know I'm past repair.  
No matter how hard I try to ignore it, no matter how desperately I try to ignore it, I can't.  
It just jumps back up and punches me in the face, usually at night. And I spend the night thinking about it, trying to ignore it, not being able to.

And it's because I can't ignore it.

It's too clear.  
Too vivid.  
Too true.

I'll never be anything more than a hood, just another delinquent, another rebel without a cause. I'm nineteen years old, and that's all I've ever been.

I know that.

And I can't ignore it anymore.

I'm not going to ignore it anymore.

There's something to be said about admitting it at last.  
It's kind of a relief, in a way, even if you are admitting to something like total failure. 

I must be going insane. Or maybe it's some kind of morbid relief, like morbid curiosity or something. Whatever.

Well, it's four now.  
Time sure flies when you're admitting to things you been trying to ignore for the past year or so, doesn't it. Well, never mind, as long as we're admitting to things, I'll say this: I've been trying to ignore it most of my life.

I'm beyond the point of no return.

I know.  
I've known for a while.  
I just haven't admitted it till now.

But guess what?

I'm not going to die having accomplished nothing.

That's right, Lance Alvers, the hood, the rebel, the nobody, is going to do something worthwhile before he kicks the bucket and goes to hell. Hm, hell. I'm not sure I believe in it. I'll leave that to think about tomorrow night or something.

I may have passed the point a long time ago, but that won't keep me from stopping anyone else from doing that.

And even if everyone else in the world thinks they're worthless hoods too, they're not. I live with them, I know. They're not nobodies. They were never meant to be nobodies. And I'm not going to let them become that, to sink to the definitions other people pushed on us.

I'm not going to let them be screw-ups like I am. I'm not going to let people think they're worthless. I'm not going to let them break because of the way others treat them. I'm not going to let them fall.

If there's anything I'll do before I die, I'm going to make sure they'll never fall to what I've become, what I am. I'm going to make sure they get more than I have, live better than I do, become more than I am. Because, they are.

The Brotherhood isn't just another delinquent club.  
The Brotherhood isn't just a tool for Magneto, Mystique, or anyone to use.  
The Brotherhood isn't a charity case for the little X-Men to rescue.

The Brotherhood is my family.

Pietro Maximoff, Todd Tolensky, Fred Dukes, Tabitha Smith, and Wanda Maximoff.

They're my family.

None of us asked to be a family, but we are.

And for once, we're glad fate dealt our cards to us against our wishes.

They are my friends, my family.

And I'm not going to let anything happen to them.

No matter what.


	7. Chapter 7 Family

Chapter 7. Family.

It's amazing what people don't notice around here.  
It sometimes makes me wonder if anyone even cares.

Then again, I have to admit, I put up a pretty good act. Check that, it's a damn good act and I know it.

It bothers me a little though, that nobody's noticed.  
I mean, they're supposed to be my friends, aren't they? At least, they think of me as their friend. Shouldn't they have noticed some little thing by now?

Although, I can't really blame them, seeing as how it's not really their fault.  
They've never really dealt with any of this stuff, not them, so I can't expect them to recognize it. That'd just be unfair to them.

Sure, some of them had some crap in their life before, a little more than the general, but hey, who can say they've had crap like mine going on in their life?  
Nobody. That's right, nobody.

Because no one's been in a situation like mine before.  
I'm not saying I've had the worst life. Because that's not true. I'm just saying no one's been in a situation like mine before.

I bet it's some kind of record.

Going around everywhere, switching sides so much.  
It's not like I had a choice the second time though.

I didn't want to leave.

I have to say, Lance is right.  
This world is messed up.  
Some reality we live in.

We used to talk about this kind of stuff... not a lot, but a couple times before, when we both couldn't sleep.  
Sometimes, the other guys had trouble sleeping too, and then we all just joked around and had some nighttime fun, but when it was just the two of us, we kept things quiet. Not only did we not want everyone else to wake because of us, but also because we needed that time off sometimes.

I miss them.

Sure, I see them everyday, I talk to them everyday, and Ihang out with them everyday, but it's not the same.  
It's just not the same.

Sure, Mystique's gone now.  
Wanda's fine, we've got nothing against each other. She's pretty cool, actually. It feels so natural to have her around, to have her be a part of us.

But it's still not the same.

I think about going back sometimes.

Okay, a lot.

All right, every single day since Mystique and Magneto decided to go off and die. Or whatever it is you call being turned into stone, as it's the case with Mystique.

Todd's asked me to come back a few times before.  
Freddy too, though only once.  
Lance, Pietro and Wanda don't say anything, but I can tell the boys miss me too.  
And I know Wanda wouldn't mind me being there either, even if she has the aloof thing going on right now.  
I wanted to, and I almost did.

But truth is, I can't.

Not on my part. No, that's not what I mean. I want to go back.

What I mean is, I can't go back, because that would only make things worse for them.

See, Lance doesn't really say anything, but we all know that they're low on cash.  
Really low on cash.  
I take food with me when I visit. The X-Gee... X-Men, don't need it, and they don't need all the money around here. I borrow a lot of money these days, to take some pizza over or something. And yes, with permission. Most of the time.  
I'd take some money over too, at least, more frequently, but Lance doesn't like that too much.  
So mostly, I just take some food over. I've been noticing that there's less of that over there.  
Less of everything, actually.  
And everyone looks so much more tired. And although I never say anything, I feel so horrible sometimes.  
Everyone over here thinks I joined the Brotherhood on some phase, and that it's over now.  
Well, to hell with that stupid idea, it's not.

They're my friends.  
I'm actually closer to them than I am to anyone else here, or anywhere else.  
I'm pretty close with Amara, and better with the other New Recruits and even Kurt, but it's not the same thing.  
With the guys, and even Wanda- I don't know, I never even really lived with her, but she feels so right, like she's always been around- I'm so much closer.  
It's like we're a family.

A highly dysfunctional, freak, mutant family, but still.  
More of a family than my blood relatives, anyhow.

This stuff bothers me so much.

You won't believe how much.

It's amazing. These kinds of things keep me up at night.

I'm always wondering.  
Am I one of them, or one of the X-Men?  
I want to say them.  
Because that's the only time I really feel like I'm someone.  
When I'm with them.  
Like I belong.  
It's crazy.

I don't know why I feel so comfortable with them.  
Wait, wrong word. I feel 'comfortable' just about anywhere.  
Well, I think so anyway. I don't know if I know what 'comfortable' actually means anymore.  
Anyhow, even most of Badger's training sessions don't get to me.

It's more like I feel at home with them.  
Yeah, that fits better.  
When I'm over there, I really feel like I'm supposed to be there.  
Insane, isn't it?

I mean, here I am, living in a mansion.  
Best place I've ever been in, in my entire life.

Supposedly.

Truth is, while this place isn't half-bad, even with all the rules and the training and stuff, I don't really feel like I belong.  
Cheesy, ain't it.

I even tried to get some of that feeling back, some of what I feel when I'm with the Brotherhood.

Last week I pulled a whole bunch of pranks all around, with nearly everyone.  
It just landed me in a series of interrogations with Xavier, Beast, Wolverine, and Storm.  
Not to mention people wasn't exactly happy with me.  
Well, they laughed when something happened to someone else, but not so much when it happened to them.

I miss joking around with them.  
Laughing with them.

I sound like some soap opera.  
It'd almost make me sick if I wasn't so used to it.

Tabby at night isn't really the same as Tabby during the day.

Lance once asked me what I think about when I can't sleep.  
I just shrugged, and asked him the same thing, but he wouldn't tell me either.  
It took us a few more similar nights to finally say something on that. Lancey wasn't that comfortable with it, but neither was I.  
Still, we got to talking, and we both opened up. A lot. More than I ever planned to.  
But I don't regret it. Lance is a good guy, no matter what any jerk says. I think that, if I could choose anyone, I would have chosen him to talk to anyhow.  
He knows the most about me now. I'm not sure if I know the most about him, since Pietro, Fred, and Todd have known him longer, but I don't mind.  
I'll bet Lance knows the most about them too. Wanda, I'm not sure about. She does the whole 'keep to herself' thing, which is basically what we do too, but we do it less with each other, while she still wants to stay aloof for now.

We did have a pretty open talk once though, Wanda and me.  
I think that talk is one of the reasons she doesn't mind it when I'm over, or even when I'm teasing her with little jokes.  
Truth is though, even with all of her Miss Ice Queen attitude going on, Wanda's a softie inside.

But hey, thinking about it, who isn't?  
Wanda, Lance, Pietro, Freddy, Todd, me... we're all the same.  
I guess that's one of the reasons we're so close.

I hate seeing them this way.

I can tell they aren't eating that well, and I'm positive Lance's skipping a lot of meals. He used to do that back when I was there too. Though I usually caught him on it.  
Pietro looks like he could use a few vitamins.  
Wanda too, though she's a little better off.  
Freddy just seems hungrier these days.  
Todd looks tired, though the little guy's keeping up the cheer.  
Things weren't nearly so bad back then.

I wish I could go back.

I really do.  
I miss them.

But I can't do that.

I can't go back.  
I'd just be one more person to use up what little money they have. It's better if I just go to hang out, and buy them dinner and stuff.

I'm a pretty selfish person.

Pietro is always giving himself grief over that when we're not around. Behind that egomaniac facade, he's just like us. Okay, behind the facade, he's still a pretty big egotist.  
But anyhow.  
How do I know all this? Let's say I consulted his diary once.  
Yeah, Quickie used to have a diary. For a short while. He tries new stuff all the time. After a little bit though, he got bored with it- plus he finished the entire journal in a week. He writes as fast as anything else, and seeing as how he has so much extra time on hand, he probably has a lot more written there than I've seen. Oh, yeah, I only read a little part of one entry. Come on, I'm not a horrible sister.

Back to Quickie's guilt issue.  
He really does hate himself for that. I want to get him to talk about it, but I think he still needs a little time to think about it. As much as he thinks, with all those fast paced thoughts, Pietro needs to think about these things for a while- he's a lot more uncertain than he seems.

But anyhow.  
Selfishness.  
Pietro thinks he's selfish.  
He's not.

It's different with me.

See, I actually will drop everything and everyone else just for myself.

That's one of the things I admire the most about the guys.  
I mean, Lance's always feeling guilty over the time he joined up with the X- Men for a while, but he never once said anything bad about me staying here again.  
Pietro beats himself up about leaving them because of the whole Magneto deal, but no one blames him for that.  
Even Todd, Freddy, and Wanda.  
I mean, with Todd and Fred, it's obvious. They're just not selfish, and really, they're better at showing that the Brotherhood really means something to them.  
Not that I'm saying the rest of us don't show it.  
What I mean is, they just say it out straight.  
I guess they're sort of better with the whole feelings thing.  
Which is pretty weird when you think about it.  
And even if Wanda isn't that great with the whole touchy-feely idea, she sticks around. She's not really as well known (in the bad way, of course, the Brotherhood being the Brotherhood, and with the whole being infamous issue) as the rest of the guys, or even me, so I think she'd be able to make it outside.  
Must've occurred to her once or twice too, don't you think?  
But she doesn't leave.  
She won't show it, not for anything, but she cares, and we can tell.  
We're too used to the routine- Lance and Pietro tried it at first, though it wore off while I was there. Even I do it. Todd and Fred used to do it, I hear, for a little bit.  
It's just the way we are.

I think it's because we're not used to having someone there for us.  
We used to be alone, all of us. And we're used to it.  
And all of a sudden, we've got an entire group of friends- even family.

It doesn't seem real.

I'm afraid sometimes.

I'm afraid that maybe this is all just some dream, some fantasy, some fake reality I'm in.  
And that I'll wake up someday, and all of it will be gone.

I've never told anyone this before, but that one time Wanda and I really talked, I sort of told her. She mentioned something about the two of us, the Brotherhood girls, being paranoid together.  
I remember laughing, and even Wanda, Scarlet Witch of no happy-go-lucky emotions, smirked, but was it really funny? I don't know. We laugh at that kind of stuff now. I guess we're just too used to it happening. It's a routine for us. A daily routine. Just everyday stuff- all ordinary, nothing unusual. Yeah, to us, this is normal.

But what if we're not just being overly paranoid?

But what if I am just dreaming?

What if none of this is real?

What if all of this disappears?

It really does scare me.

All of this could be taken away from me.

I don't think I could live with that.

I even tried to put some extra distance between the boys and me, back when I was first around.  
But that wore off soon.  
They're just not the kind I could keep away.  
I didn't exactly want to, either.

I think that's why Wanda and I relate so well.  
She's going through this kind of stuff too.  
The whole 'I can't decide if it's safe to believe you and trust you or not' thing.  
That and we both don't like our dads so much.  
Oh, check that, our sperm donors.  
Yeah, because neither are our fathers. They could never be our fathers.

I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.

I'm so glad Xavier doesn't use his powers all the time. That would be one hell of a trip. Going into my night thoughts. Then again, if he did that, I wouldn't be sticking around here, not for anything.

They're not bad, for what it's worth.  
The X-Men, I mean.  
They're actually pretty decent about most things.

The only thing that really bothers me about them is how they treat my friends.  
That's right, my friends.  
I don't really consider any of the X-Men to be my friends.  
Not the kind I'm talking about anyhow.  
You know, the type that you'd risk everything for.

Of course, like I said before, I'm the only selfish one out of them, so I wouldn't be able to do that, but I wish I could.

I'm too afraid though, too afraid that once I accept them that way, I'll just end up losing them and everything will crash down on me again.

I'm pretty sure the others must feel this sometimes too, or they have before, but I'm the only one that can't handle it.

Which is why I'm here, with the X-Men, instead of the Brotherhood.  
Even if I don't belong here, and even if they're not who I consider to be my true friends, much less my family.

They don't even really notice me.  
Too many people around here.  
Everyone has someone else, they don't need me. Even Amara, and she's the closest one I have here.

So not only do I not belong here, but no one particularly wants me here either.

Of course, I don't really spend that much time around here anymore, so I probably have something to do with that, but it's not as if I care.

But getting back to the Brotherhood.

I really do miss them.  
They're the closest I've ever had to having a family. It's the same with them too.  
We really do consider each other to be family members.  
But unlike 'real' families, we had a choice in the matter.  
We chose to be a family.

We chose to care.

Which drives me up the wall.

I do care about them.  
I really do.  
More than anyone else I've ever known.

Then why is it that I can't get over myself and go back?  
Am I really just using the money problem as an excuse, or do I really believe it?  
Why don't I even have the nerve to talk to anyone about this stuff?

Coward.

Oh, what was that?  
Must be my three-in-the-morning psychology kick coming in.  
Hm, no, it's three forty-five. Well, it's a little later than usual tonight.

Memo to self: borrow some of Wanda's make up tomorrow. I'm running out, better go buy some soon.  
Oh, maybe Wanda would want to come along. The guys might too. I'll have to go see if I can borrow some money from Amara again. Or Kurt. Yeah, I borrowed from Amara two days ago. Too bad I can't ask to get an advance in my allowance, seeing as how I already did that for the entire month.  
Plus I'm starting to get weird looks since I'm getting money from everyone.  
But I don't care- as long as I have some to help out with things over at the Boarding house; I'm fine with getting weird looks.  
Badger gave me a particularly weird one the other day, when I took the newspaper from him. I bet I would have gotten an even weirder one, and at least one talk, if he'd found out why I took it.  
I was looking for a job.  
Yeah, me.  
Looking for a job.  
But I couldn't find anything I was 'eligible' for. It sucks to have no experience. Well, technically, I do have experience, just very brief ones.

I wish I could go back.

I really do.

But I can't.

I mean, they're low on money to begin with, they don't need me over there, taking more of it. At least while I'm here, I can do something to help, even if it means I'm about half a year in debt.  
I think Amara'll let me slide with about half of them though. She doesn't mind lending me money, even if I don't always tell her why I need it. I lie most of the time, but I think she's beginning to see through it.  
Still, I don't want her to know about the Brotherhood. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't either, which is really my main reason.  
I think Xavier's beginning to suspect something too.  
Not that he minds me staying out most of the time, just as long as I don't go past curfew. And while I wouldn't have cared before, these days, I keep to it, just to be on the safe side. I can't afford to lose the allowance, though he'd probably just ground me for a little or something. Then again, I wouldn't be able to take the grounding either.  
Beast and Badger get annoyed, especially Wolverine, when I miss training sessions, but they've begun to let me off with those, which is something that actually surprised me.  
Then again, even Storm noticed that I don't spend time around the mansion, or with any of the X-Men, and she has the least time with me.  
She tried to get me to talk to her about it, but I pretended to have a mall session with Amara.  
Which wasn't all a lie.  
I did go to the mall, and Amara was there too. Only, so were Jubilee and Rahne. I left them after the first half hour, which is basically the minimum amount I can get away with.

I do feel bad about lying to them though, because even if the X-Men don't have a clue most of the time, they usually do mean well.

It just bothers me so much that I have this whole thing going on.

I mean, we're all just teenagers!

We shouldn't have to deal with this crap.

But we do, and we are.

I just wish we wouldn't have to.

I mean, Mystique's gone, and so's Magneto.  
But I still can't go back.

I just want to go back, damn it!

I just want to be with them!

We deserve at least one good chance at life, don't we?

I don't know anymore.

This stuff keeps me up all night these days.

I'm so glad I've mastered make up long ago, otherwise, as oblivious as they can be, I think someone here might notice the dark circles under my eyes, and how tired I really look.  
The Brotherhood notices sometimes, but they let it go as long as they know I'm still okay for the most part.  
After all, if there's one thing we all know about, it's nightmares, isn't it.

I wish I could go back.

Just go back.

I really do miss them.

This is driving me crazy.

All this thinking at night, and never mentioning anything to anyone. Not that anyone here even notices, but whatever.  
And I don't want to tell anyone else, because I know Lance's already worried to death over everything else.  
Pietro's still got the guilt to deal with, I can tell, even if he tries to hide it.  
I don't want to make Todd worry over stuff like this, or even Fred. I don't know, Todd's too much like a little kid brother to me.  
As for Freddy... he has enough trouble over his worries, even if I could talk to him, which I don't really feel like I can. I don't know... I just can't. Freddy's too much like a younger brother too me too, even if we are the same age.  
Wanda, well, she's got her share of problems too. And she's still getting over Magneto dying... some days I wish we could tell her the truth about him, but we're afraid that might be too much.  
I guess what I'm saying is, everyone else has their crap to deal with, and I don't want to push mine onto them too.

It's confusing that way, this whole friends business.  
Having your best friends as your family probably complicates it sometimes.

Whatever, it works for us, most of the time.

And besides, we wouldn't want it any other way.

Because, to tell you the truth, we really are a family.

Yeah, I know I've been saying that all along, but hey, it's six thirty, and I haven't slept most of the week, give me a break.  
I have the right to be sappy at six thirty when I've missed an entire night's sleep again, and not even with the help of coffee.  
I can talk about loving my friends/family if I damn well want to.  
It's not like I planned this or anything, I just can't get to sleep.

Besides, normal people talk about their family all the time... though probably not exactly the way I do.  
Whatever. It's the same thing, they're all families and there's the love and all that.

...And you know what?

I really do miss them.

And I should be with them; I deserve that, don't I?

To be with a family, for once?

One that actually gives a damn about me?

I don't know.  
I've been thinking about all this for so long.

But it'd be too selfish to go back.  
I mean, I eat pretty well too. My bombs take a lot outta me, they're basically forms of my energy.

I don't know.

It's all just too much.

I'll think about it some more tomorrow night.

Whoops, I think that's Badger, coming to get me for the seven o'clock danger room session. Better pretend I'm asleep. Can't take the joy of waking me up away from him, now can I?


	8. Chapter 8 Concern

Chapter 8. Concern.

It's morning again.

As usual, I woke up at the sounds of Toad and Pietro outside my room. I have to wonder how Fred can sleep in when there's so much noise just outside his room. Lance is usually up before us, but I doubt he'd be able to sleep in either, not when Pietro and Toad are up and about.  
It's probably not possible for anyone besides the Blob.

Changing out of my sleepwear into my usual garb, I took a look at myself in the mirror, after putting on my makeup. I do this every morning, without even thinking about it. I have no idea why, I just do.

Scarlet Witch.

No matter how many times I look.

Scarlet Witch.

Why is that the only one I see?

Isn't Wanda Maximoff every bit me as Scarlet Witch is?

I think so, but maybe not. I don't know, a lot of things don't make sense anymore.

It doesn't matter.

I turned to the door, reaching to open it, only I stopped.

Again.

Yet another day, and I'm still here.  
I don't really know why I'm still here.

Maybe it's because I have nowhere else to go.  
But wandering around might not be so bad, after being inside most of the tie as I am these days. And I've had this feeling, this feeling of being locked in, as if I'm in a cage, for a while now. It's as if I'm being held back by something, but I don't know what it is. Something or someone I suppose. But who would dare to try to hold me back?  
Me, Scarlet Witch?

No one.

Still, the why is it that I'm still here?

Am I actually beginning to like it here?

Oh, no.

No, I am not beginning to like it here.  
There is no way I'm beginning to like living here.  
I am not beginning to like living with them.  
No.  
I don't.  
Trust me, I don't like it here. And I most definitely do not like living with four teenage boys, and kind of with Tabitha too. They're all immature and annoying.

I don't like them, all right?

I swung the door open, pausing out in the hall. Pietro and Todd aren't there anymore. They must be eating breakfast.  
Breakfast.  
I wonder what we're going to do about the money problem.

"Hey Wanda. Sleep all right?"

I turn. Lance. "I guess. You?"

He nodded, but I think he hasn't slept again.  
I don't know if Lance knows how bad he looks lately.  
Not just tired, more than that.  
He doesn't even look like he's eighteen anymore. Wait, never mind, he's not eighteen. I keep forgetting he turned nineteen.  
Even for a nineteen year old though, Lance looks too old, too tired, too worn out.

"Think of anything to do about the money?"

Lance shrugged.  
"Not really," he admitted, starting towards the stairs.

We're always pretty straight with each other. Neither of us like going in circles, beating around the bush. And Lance doesn't do as much of the protective guardian thing to me as he does with the rest of us. I'm glad for that; he knows I need the space and that I can take care of myself anyway, I guess.  
"You think we'll be okay?"

Lance looked at me, turning.  
"Of course. Come on, let's go down before Freddy eats everything without thinking about it."  
He headed downstairs, and I watched him for a moment.  
His answer had been plain and simple... but something in his eyes told me he was a lot more worried than he let on to be.

And that worries me.

"Schnookums! Good morning!"

I shot Toad a glare at the nickname.  
"Don't get me started this early in the day," I warned, and for once, he wisely nodded and stepped away to let me through the bottom of the stairway and into the living room.

"Mornin' Wanda, Lance," Fred greeted through a mouthful of food as I entered with Lance.

"Morning sis, Lance," Pietro looked at me, but had to turn his attention back on the food when Fred came a little too close to his meal, and hand, for comfort.  
"Blob! Watch what you're eating!"

Fred stopped mid-action, in the middle of grabbing a pastry and barely missing Pietro's hand.

Pastry?  
Pietro must have stolen some food earlier in the morning.

"Oh, sorry Quickie."  
Fred grinned sheepishly before withdrawing his hand away from Pietro's hand and plate.

"Never mind," Pietro shrugged and passed the plate to Fred.  
"Help yourself. Just don't grab my hand by accident or something, I happen to like having all my limbs."

Fred grinned broadly and with a concise "Thanks man," proceeded to eat the newly offered food articles.

"So, Lance, what're we going to do today, yo?"  
Toad hopped onto the couch as Lance and I took our seats.

"I'll tell you after we finish eating," Lance replied as he took a donut from one of the half a dozen boxes.  
Well, at least he's finally eating. He's been skipping meals lately... that's been getting to me too.

"Okay," Todd turned to me.  
"I saved you a jelly donut before Freddy took the box!" he announced proudly, grinning at me, holding up the plate like it was a trophy.

I couldn't help myself.

Toad's disgusting, especially concerning hygiene. But he's... he tries. And he's kind of... never mind.

I smiled, okay?

Just a bit. A tiny, microscopic bit. I don't think anyone else even noticed it. Well, that is, except Toad. He grinned even more widely, which was pretty amazing since he had already been pretty happy looking. But enough about that.

So we all had breakfast, and for once, without much fighting, not even our usual 'good morning' greeting arguments.  
Just as we were about finished, we heard the door open, the sound followed by a familiar voice. It's hard not to recognize it, and it's also the only exception to the rule that, in the Brotherhood house, only its inhabitants are ever welcome. But really, she almost lives here anyhow.

"Hey guys! Oh, you're all here! Even Wanda! Good for you, girl! What 'cha doin'? Hey, are those donuts and pastries? Is that a Boston cream donut?" Tabitha made herself at home and took a donut from one of the now mostly empty, boxes.

She's okay.  
Todd once told me she was 'a real blast' to live with, literally sometimes.  
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like, to live with her. But I get the gist of it, since she's around most of the time.  
She's more than she seems, that's for sure.  
I didn't really think much of her at first, but that's all changed now. She really does fit in with us over here. I'll bet most people don't look past her attitude, like they do with us.  
It's kind of sad, really, how people are too scared, too lazy, or too stuck up, to actually get to know us, and how they just put labels on us instead.  
It used to make me mad, but now I'm used to it, though sometimes it makes me sick.

No one else knows this, but she came over once, when everyone else was out. It was back before people found out we were mutants. Well, fake hero mutants. Which is basically when things gotreally bad.  
I think Lance was at work, and the rest were shopping... or shoplifting. Whichever. Mystique wasn't around much then either.  
She decided to stay, and started talking to me.  
She was different.  
Either completely oblivious or completely carefree. I even suspected insane, but all of that disappeared after we started really talking (she would not take my 'subtle', and even 'not-so-subtle' hints to leave, and I finally just decided to reply back. It wasn't like I had anything better to do).

But after I started talking to her, we just kept going, and then something happened.  
We... connected.  
Or whatever you call it.  
Something like that.  
A little, anyhow.

"You guys want to go out for some fun? We really need to party. We haven't in a while."

"What're you talking about, yo? We crashed the party in that club last week, remember?"

"Which is too long ago!" Tabby replied with a grin.

"Can't, we're broke."

Tabitha shrugged at Pietro. "So? When are we not? That never stopped us before. Oh! But we should go shopping. I have some blackmail money from Bobby and Jubilee."

"What'd you blackmail them about?"

"Them dating. I ran into them when they were on a date. They seem to think it's a big secret. They actually offered me money to keep quiet, I wasn't even thinking about it. Talk about luck, right?"

"Bobby and Jubilee? They've been kind of obvious," Lance shrugged, recalling his brief time with them.

"It's the fifteen year old reality," Pietro commented. "Basically a state of denial for a while, and then when they finally get over it, they think that everyone else hasn't noticed, just because they've been ignoring it. I've seen it a lot. Girls try to deny their intense attraction to me, but in the end they all have to come to terms."

"Unlike you and your big ego," Fred added.

"Good timing, Freddy," Tabitha complimented.

"Thanks."

"Oh you're all hilarious. I'll let you deny my superior romantic social skills for now, since you're all so eager to do that," Pietro mumbled.  
"Anyhow, I still think we should stick to staying home today, it's not like we can't go tomorrow."

"Oh fine, but we should go shopping sometime soon," Tabitha shrugged. "I say we order pizza for lunch then, if we're staying home. And by order, I mean Quickie can go grab us some," she added.

"All right, but I am not making multiple rounds. Too risky. So Toad, no weird toppings."

"Anchovies are not bad!"

"You have to be kidding me!" Pietro groaned.

"No, he's right, they're okay."

"Fred, you're the Blob. You like everything."

"But they are good! Especially with pineapple."

"Toddy, no offense, but you think flies are good. Seriously," Tabby cut in.

Lance got up before the repeat of a rather heated discussion could begin.  
"I'm going out for some air, I'll be back before lunch."

"Be careful, and don't get too deep inside of town; the anti-mutant jerks are still parading around in groups, I saw them yesterday."

Nodding to Tabitha, Lance started out.

I don't think he knew I was watching, but he got this tired look on his face the minuteTabby turned back. He's getting to look worse each day. I don't think he realizes how bad he looks. The rest of us aren't exactly at our best either, but Lance...  
"Mind if I join you?"

Lance turned, and the weary look instantly dropped. I don't know how he does that, but it bothers me.  
"If you want," he shrugged and waved me over. I had already stood up, so I nodded and left after him.

I guess everyone's gotten used to, or at least recognizes, the trips I make with Lance, because after a "I'll miss you, sweetums, come back soon! No anchovies, I promise!" Toad left me alone. I guess they realize I need it sometimes.

But today's different.

I didn't let Lance know that until we got to our usual place.  
It's a kind of forest, not really deep or anything, but deserted most of the time. I come here when I need to get away.

Lance parked the jeep, and looked at me.  
"You want me to come back later, or stay here?"

Most of the time, he stays just to wait for me, but sometimes I don't want him to.  
He understands. It's amazing what this guy can do. I think I'm beginning to see why everyone looks up to him so much.

"Stay here. And tell me what's going on."

I definitely caught him off guard with that.

"What?"

"You never eat. You look like you don't sleep much either. And you look like you stepped out of a horror movie. That is not a compliment, by the way."

"I eat all the time," he protested, but I gave him one of my patented glares, and he backed down almost right away.  
"Okay, I don't eat as much as before. But it's okay, I'm used to it, all right?"

"Let's say it is for now. Do you get enough sleep?"

"Of course! Wait... please tell me you did not come out to ask me questions."

"I could lie," I offered.

He got that 'older brother' look in him after that.  
The one he usually only gets with the others.  
I could do without the older brother look right now. Actually, I could do without it most of the time.

"Come on, Wanda. I'm fine. You don't have to do this."

"Are you fine? You don't look it. I'm not the only one that's noticed. Pietro, Tabby, Fred, Todd- we've all noticed."

Lance ran a hand through his hair, turning away.  
He's nervous? Okay, now I know he's hiding a lot more than he's showing.  
"I'm fine. Really. And you called Todd 'Todd', not 'Toad'. Amazing."

"Lance."

"Really, Wanda, I'm fine."

I sighed.

Why can't he just tell me? All right, I know I'm not the most open or conversational person there is, but I am trying for once, I am.  
Maybe I should get Pietro to do this... but something's going on between Lance and Pietro; they're avoiding each other in some way. I don't know the details, but I do know it's happening.  
Maybe Tabitha. She might get something out of him; she's surprisingly good at this stuff.  
In any case, I'm going to stop now, because this is making me uncomfortable too. Nervous, almost.  
"Fine. Do you mind staying out here anyhow? Just for a little while."

"Why not. I was thinking of coming here myself. No people around, for once, unlike almost every other place in this damn town."

"Mm."

The green is what really makes me feel better in this place.  
Everything is clean here, no litter, from people to mar the nature.  
None of the trash you see in the streets. Just trees, grass, bushes, flowers, and all that.  
I don't know why, but it helps me to see it.  
The fact that's it is such an open place helps too.  
It feels so... free.  
Even with the trees and their shades, it doesn't feel like I'm trapped in here. More like... sheltered.  
It's a strange feeling, but it calms me in a way, even if I don't understand it.


	9. Chapter 9 Fatal

Chapter 9. Fatal

"Honey, I'm home!"

"We've got food, yo!"

The door opened with the usual greetings of Pietro and Todd. I turned to look at the clock, and discovered that it was eight thirty already.

"Hey I'm in the kitchen! I figured out a way to make soup from donuts!"  
I had been pretty busy with that. I didn't even realize how much time had passed since Pietro, Todd and Tabby left at six.

"Donut soup?" Pietro made a face at me, coming in just as I finished talking.

Hm, I thought it was a pretty cool idea. I mean, donuts are great, soup is great; why not put them together?  
Oh well. Pietro is kind of picky anyhow.

"Soup with donuts? Is it all sugary? What else does it have in it?" Todd asked as he hopped in. He was carrying a plastic bag, same as Pietro.

"Most of the stuff left over from last night. Where's Tabby?"

"She had to go back. Something about skipping out on a training session and being on bad terms with Badger," Pietro explained as he put the stuff away in the refrigerator.

"We think it means she's sneaking back in," Todd supplied. "Where are Lance and Wanda?"

I shrugged. "They're not back yet."

"Still? They're out longer than usual," Pietro murmured.

"Maybe they're getting some stuff too?" Just after Todds guess, we heard the door clicking open, and a second later, Lance shouted in, locking the door as he did so.

"Hey guys! We're back!"

"We're in the kitchen!"

As usual, we heard Lance tossing the keys to his jeep on a table before we saw him come in.

Wanda was behind him, and also first to see the pot I had on the stove. "What are you cooking?"

"Donut soup," Pietro answered before I could.

"Sweetums! Welcome home!"

I was kind of surprised that Wanda didn't hex Todd for that, but maybe it was because he didn't jump into a hug, as he sometimes did. She just gave him a look, before turning back to me.

"Donut soup," Wanda echoed. She had the 'I don't really believe that' look.

"I figured out a way to make soup from donuts. I think it's good."  
I don't think my explanation helped much, but Wanda's expression did change, in any case.

"Tabby go back?" Lance asked as he looked around, and noticed our missing bomb-girl. Though, if you think about it, she would definitely have spoken up by now, if she was here.

"Yeah, we think she had to go early because she's sneaking back in," Todd nodded.

Lance smirked a little. "Knowing Tabby, probably."

"What did you do while we were out?" Wanda asked as she moved over to the table to sit down.  
I'm not sure, but I think she actually smiled when Todd pulled out the chair for her, even if she did groan out loud. But maybe I'm just seeing things.

"Well Blob over there was creating his masterpiece, Soup a la donuts, and Toad and I were out wallet-lifting. And then we went to a store and bought stuff instead of shoplifting. Were still trying to figure out why we did that," Pietro shrugged.

"Whod you steal from?" Lance looked at us, raising his eyebrows. "And where?"

"Just in town. Some jocks. It's not like they need the money yo, they're always bragging about their fourth new car and all."

"Brats," Wanda murmured, and we had to grin at that. Wanda hasn't met too many people, personally I mean, but she has met some of the rich jocks around here and she really hates the bunch. You know, the ones on the football team, the school stars and what not.

"Look, guys, I have to tell you something."

We all turned to look at Lance.  
He was talking in the leader voice.  
Something big must be up.

"I've thought about it, and I don't want you stealing anymore. We've got enough to worry about, we don't have to add more to the list ourselves."

"What do you mean?"  
Todd said exactly what I was about to say.

"I mean the cops are gonna try to trace it all back to us, and even if they don't have enough evidence, with the things the way they are these days, we're still gonna get in trouble."

"As opposed to the usual, when we get blamed for everything anyhow, you mean."  
Wanda had a good point. A really good point.  
She was right; we got blamed for everything anyhow. At least, that's what the media always says. The cops are too scared to do anything yet, but I think Lance thinks they're going to get over that soon and come for us.

"We'll deal with that. I don't want you guys stealing anymore."

"But then what're we going to do?"  
Pietro almost went into hyper-speed mode. We can tell, because then his words start scrambling. But he caught himself before he could, this time.

"I'm going to get a job," Lance gave us a look and continued before we could say anything. "There are jobs out there that wont care if I'm a mutant or not, even if they do know."

"Desperate jobs for desperate people, you mean," Wanda crossed her arms. "Was this what you were thinking about when we were out?"

"Some of it. But I've been thinking about this before today too."

"Whoa, so youre serious? But Lance-"

"Todd, I've done this stuff before, I can do it again."

"Well then, sounds like youre set on this. Fine, go ahead. We're not going to stop you."

"WE AREN'T?"  
Pietro, Todd and I stared at Wanda. Actually, so was Lance, only he didn't say anything.

Wanda shook her head.  
"No. But I'll be getting a job with you."

Pietro's always the first to catch onto these things. He's fast in everything. He smirked and nodded. "Same here."

"What-"

"We're in the same situation that you are. Why shouldn't we get a job?" Wanda cut in before Lance could protest.

"Yeah, besides the more of us work, the more cash we get, right?" I nodded.

Lance looked at me, then back at Wanda. "No, I don't want you working-"

"Before you said we were too young. And that you wanted us to go to school. Well we're older, and we're expelled," Pietro shrugged. "I don't see a problem."

"Yeah, you cant argue with that, yo!"

"First of all, you're still too young. Especially you, Todd. None of you are eighteen yet."

"I'm almost eighteen."

Lance gave me a look before continuing. "And second, we don't need all of us working, I can get enough money for us to get by. And Freddy, you have to stay home, otherwise the anti-mutant jerks are going to trash our place. Plus you're the only one that knows how to cook."

Thats kind of a weird point, or it would be normally, but with us, we have to cook a lot, because, well because I eat a lot. Pietro eats pretty well too, considering his size. Something about his metabolism. Wanda eats more when she hexes a lot too.

"And you guys have to stay here and keep an eye on the anti-mutant riots too. Fred can't handle them all by himself."

We were silent for a minute. Lance was right, if we did all leave, we'd have nothing to come home to by the end of the day. The anti-mutant stuff is really crazy these days.

"Okay, so not all of us goes. Just you," Lance nodded, but Wanda wasnt finished. "And me."

"How come you get to go?"

Wanda gave Pietro a look. "Because."

"I'll do it!" Todd quickly explained when Wanda turned to him. "I want to take your place... because, uh, well you know, the works all messy and stuff..."

"As sweet as this is all getting to be, none of you are working. I can handle it, all right? I've done it before-"

"And you can do it again. So you say. But last time, no one knew we were mutants," Pietro crossed his arms. "Now it's like there are wanted posters of us everywhere or something."

"Some people don't care, just as long as I do the work."

"Youre not doing this alone," Wanda narrowed her eyes.

"Yeah, why should you always be the one working anyhow?"

"Because Freddy, I'm the only one thats old enough to be hired. Well and you almost, but you're the only one that can cook something without burning down the house or making it explode."

"If they don't care that youre a mutant, they won't care that we were born a little later than you," Wanda put in.

That got Lance. He paused for a moment, before finally raising his hands up.  
"All right, you've got me there. But I don't want you guys working. Look, lets talk about this later. We haven't had dinner yet, and it's already nine oclock."

We looked at each other, but nodded in agreement.

"Fine, but you're still not going by yourself," Pietro mumbled.

"Yeah, it ain't safe out there, yo. Too much anti-mutant stuff going on."

"We'll talk about it later," Lance moved to get the donut soup.  
I think I burned it a little, I remembered to turn the stove down after Lance and Wanda came in, but I never turned it off all the way.

"Donut soup," Wanda spoke, looking at the soup.

"That can't be healthy. Too much sugar," Pietro commented.

"Hey, you're the hyper one," I grinned.

Pietro pretended to get angry, giving me a fake glare.  
"I am not."

"Here we go again," Todd grabbed a few bowls from the counter before sitting down, as Lance put the pot down on the table.  
"You guys have this talk every day, man. Don't you guys get tired of it?"

"Not really," Pietro and I answered at the same time.

"The intelligence level of this house drops down two feet every time you do this," Wanda commented, but it doesnt bother us; we all know this is just her way of joining in on the fun and joking around.

"Not to mention maturity," Lance added with a grin.

"Haha. Says you," Pietro stuck his tongue out.

"That really proved him wrong," Wanda rolled her eyes.

Pietro was about to respond, but then there was a sound by the door.

And then the door was blasted open.


	10. Chapter 10 Panic

Chapter 10. Panic.

We heard some sounds by the door, so I thought that maybe it was Tabby; she does sometimes leave stuff behind because she forgets about them and comes back to get them. The door was locked, I remember hearing Lance lock it after he came back with Wanda, but that shouldnt be a problem for Tabby since she does have a key... though she might have left it here. Before I could go check, there was an explosion and we heard the door being thrown back, crashing into the staircase.  
"Tabby?" I stared.  
But Tabby wouldnt do that...

"EVERYBODY GET DOWN!"

I heard Lances shout, but my body didnt react. Instead I just stood there, watching as something flew at us, landing in the middle of the room. Instantly there was an explosion, and I was thrown back into the wall.

I closed my eyes at the impact and the pain, but from what I could hear, everyone else was hurt too. I heard Lance coughing and opened my eyes to see him getting up, helping Pietro, who had been thrown back into him. Looking around I saw Fred on the other side of the room, and Wanda by the table... Wanda was bleeding! She mustve hit the side of the table; I have to go help-

I couldnt do anything because before I could get up on my feet, the ground shook, as a ripple of earth headed towards the front door.

"GET OUTSIDE!"

Lance shouted over the noise, the crackling of electricity, the rumbles of the earth, the explosion, and things crashing down around us.

I tried to get up, but realized I couldnt when my leg felt like it was shattering, like it was being torn to a thousand pieces.

I saw Wanda grabbing a hold of the table and pulling herself up, blue hex energy gathering up around her.  
Lance mustve seen her too, because he turned to her, shouting for her to run.

I tried to get up again, but ended up screaming in pain after moving my leg.

Fred must have seen me, because he pushed his way through to me, amidst the rubble and chaos, and picked me up. My head felt light, and I was close to throwing up. He asked me something, but I couldnt tell what he was saying.

Then something else landed near us.

And gas streaked out.

Fred tried to get out of the way, but didnt make it, and stumbling, fell. He dropped me a few feet ahead of him, but as he tried to get up again, another gas bomb was thrown in between us. And another. And then something exploded behind him. After that, I saw Fred collapse.

Fred, the unmovable Blob, collapsed.

I felt sick; the gas was getting to me too. I tried to get up, but I couldnt.

Looking around, my vision blurred, I saw Lance fighting off some of the attackers, sending the floor rolling at them, making the ceiling crash down. Wanda was hexing some, and just as I looked over, she threw the table at three of the guys.

My eyes fell on Pietro.

Pietro was standing behind Lance, staring at the scene with wide eyes, but not moving.

Pietro was frozen stiff.

I tried to call out to him, to get him to hear me, but my voice couldnt be heard over the violent battle around us. I yelled again, trying to get his attention.  
It worked this time, and he seemed to snap out of the daze. He looked around, barely moving but realizing what was happening now.

Dont just stand there!

Do something man!

Eyes wide, Pietro trembled, drawing back.

In front of him I saw Wanda knocked down, and Lance lashing out at one of the black-clothed guys when they tried to get to her. As I watched Wanda hexing the guy behind Lance, I felt my head getting heavier, and my entire body felt like something was crushing me. Trying to keep my eyes open, I looked back at Pietro.

Pietro?

He took a step back, backing away from the fight.

Away from us.

Pietro!


	11. Chapter 11 Loyalty

Chapter 11. Loyalty.

All right, I admit it.

I was scared.  
Scared stiff.  
I didn't know what to do.  
Didn't have a clue.

And I chickened out.

Don't give me that look!  
You don't get it.

Running is what I do.  
It's all I know how to do.  
It's all I have.

I don't know what else to do.

There's nothing else I can do.

I wish I could just make it all go away.  
Close my eyes and wake up.  
Wake up to something better, something I don't have to run from.

But this is all I have.

I wish it could be different.  
But it's not.

So I watched, glued to the floor, as Lance tried to fight off the assailants, screaming at us to run.

I watched, as Wanda joined the battle, electric blue energy flowing around her.

I watched, as Fred tried to get Todd out, but collapsed after getting bombed and gassed.

I watched, as Todd tried to help, even though he couldn't even get up because of the pain.

I watched, as my best friend threw back one of the attackers that threatened to reach us, getting his shoulder and face cut in the process.

I watched, as my sister hexed another of them, trying to hold them off.

I watched, as my friends, my brothers, fell to the attack, one knocked out and the other injured badly.

But none of it made sense to me.

Why?

Why was this happening?

Why?

Why does everything have to go wrong, just as I begin to believe we can make it?

Why?

Why can't we just live our lives, without having to worry about being in danger, without having to fight to stay alive?

Why?

Why us?

And thinking about this, I felt sick, and my heartbeat raced, and I knew I needed to run. Every inch of me was screaming at myself to run, to get out of there, to escape.

To stay alive.

Todd shouted something to me, and that snapped me out of the daze. But still I couldn't move, couldn't do anything.

I watched as Wanda was knocked down, and Lance rushed over, slamming his fist full force against one of the attackers that tried to reach her.

I watched as Wanda hexed someone that tried to get to Lance from behind, as he helped her up.

I watched as Fred, unmoving, was roughly raised by a large group of the people clad in black, and pushed towards another, heading for the door.

I watched as Todd stared at me, his eyes telling me everything he could not verbalize in his condition.

And as I watched, my will gave into my nature, and like the coward I am, I backed out.

Todd was staring at me still, though I could tell he was about to faint from the gas and the pain. His eyes were wide in shock and fear. And though I'm almost certain Todd didn't get what I was doing, not in his condition, his subconscious must have figured it out, because his eyes were pleading with me to stop.

To help.

And when they closed, I had to turn away.

Running is what I do.

It's all I know how to do.  
It's all I have.  
I don't know what else to do.

There's nothing else I can do.

There isn't.

Running is all I know.

But then why is it that it never solves anything for me?

Why is it that it just makes everything worse?

Why... when I know this, I still can't do anything else?

Why can't I do anything else?

Why can't I stand up for them?  
As they would for me?  
As they do for me?

Why am I so afraid?

What am I so afraid of?

I don't know.

I've never cared for anyone beside myself. At least, not loved someone unconditionally.  
No... I had at some point. I just stopped.

It's always like this.  
When it truly counts, when it really matters, I back down.  
Always.  
This is already the third time something major like this has happened in my life. First with Wanda... then with the Brotherhood... now this. With both of them.

I just manage to ruin things for people, don't I? Or at least I don't have the courage to stop the bad things from happening.

I wish this were all a dream. A nightmare, I suppose it'd be.  
And any moment now, Lance is going to wake me, telling me everything will be all right. Fred and Todd will get me something to drink, and Wanda will brush my bangs aside, out of my eyes. Maybe Tabby will be sleeping over, and she'll tell me a joke to help me feel better, ruffling my hair a little, making me fake-glare at her.

I could just wake up, and everything would be all right.

I won't have to run, and we'd all just be happy, being there together.

But this isn't a nightmare. It's not a dream. And I can't wake from it. Everything is really happening. My friends... my family, is being attacked.  
And I'm about to run.  
Again.

But... you know what?  
Maybe I won't run, not this time.  
They've always stood by me. They took me back, I mean completely back, as a brother again, after I messed everything up and treated them like dirt. I owe this to them.

I owe a lot to them.

But that's not it.  
That's not really why I'm not going to run.

You see, I love them.

I think that might be the first time I said that. Well, in those direct, distinctive words.

They're my friends, and my family. They are willing to fight for me, to protect me.  
And now...  
Now, I'm not afraid to do the same.

My mind made up, I pulled back a little, trying to make enough room to gather momentum. I saw some more of the creeps headed towards Todd.

I let loose.

It might seem like a whole lot of time just passed, me doing all that thinking. But in reality, it was only a few minutes. You know, hyper thinking and all.  
I remember all of what happened before that.  
But the next ten minutes are a blur for me.

I ran by the people trying to take Todd, and socked them hard, knocking them all back. Taking Todd up in my arms, I moved over to set him behind Wanda and Lance, not pausing to answer the question Wanda asked me, or to heed any attention on Lance's scream for us to get out.

And I started up a tornado.

The gas was starting to really get to us, you see. I could tell because Lance and Wanda were coughing, and even my throat was starting to burn.

You're really going to have to visualize the next part.

Like I said, I started up a whirlwind, and the winds I created managed to gather up the smoke and gas, driving it all away from the ones I was trying to protect. It worked well, and I drove out most of the gas towards the living room and the entrance hall, though I have to say I did a lot of damage to the house as well. It's kind of a wonder the room wasn't blown off or sucked in. I thought that the ones attacking us might faint from the gas, like Fred and Todd did, but they were all wearing masks. Still, they were all surprised by my move and backed off, if only to stay out of the path of the tornado. Only bad thing about this plan that I hadn't thought of was the fact that I couldn't save myself from the gas.

I had to stop after clearing out most of the bad air, and found myself gasping for breath. It burned to breathe, and my eyes were watering, tears falling unhindered. Whether from the gas or just everything, I don't know. Let's say gas for now.

I turned when I heard a gasp behind me, and saw that one of the people had managed to get behind Wanda and had hit her with the back of a rifle.

I'm not sure what happened after that, but the next thing I know I was holding the gun, and the guy was down, a few feet away from me.

Then I heard Lance's scream.

"PIETRO!"

He tried to get to me, but a few of the people ran in and pushed him back, and started to hit him.

I whipped around, but for the first time in my life, I was too late. Something came crashing down on the back of my head and I blacked out.

The last thing I heard before I fell was Lance's scream of rage and the walls crumbling around us.

The last thing I saw before I fell was Wanda, jumping up with a furious snarl, lunging for my attacker.

The last thing I thought before I fell was that I hadn't run. And I won't, never again. Not away from them.


	12. Chapter 12 Fight

Chapter 12. Fight.

I don't know what happened.

Even before, I wasn't really paying attention to the details.

I hardly felt the effects of the gas, and I don't think I even realized it was beginning to make my vision clouded.

I barely acknowledged it when I was hit. In fact, I didn't feel that either. If it weren't for the bruises I would find later, I probably wouldn't have noticed.

Along with the bruises, it wasn't until later that I felt the crusted blood on me, some splattered and more from the slash on my face and various other cuts.

The only thing I really remember is that I was screaming.

I was screaming at them to run.

Why weren't they running?

Why weren't they running!

Why wasn't Wanda running?  
Why was she getting up, only to stand next to me?  
Why was she trying to fight when she should be trying to run!  
I couldn't defend her.  
She didn't run.  
She was supposed to get away.

Todd was the first to fall.  
He tried to get up, but only screamed in pain at what we later found out was a broken leg.  
Fred heard him and ran over, but before they could make it out, or even reach us, the bombs did their damage.  
I didn't have a chance to help them.  
First one, then another, and then another. Until something exploded. And both were down.  
They were supposed to get away.

Pietro should have run.  
He of all people had the chance, and the power to.  
All he had to do was turn away.  
He didn't.  
I couldnt protect him.  
He stayed.  
He was supposed to get away.

It was my job to protect them.

I was the one that protected them.  
Always.  
I had to protect them.  
Now.

But I couldn't.

Why hadn't they run the first time, when they had the chance?  
Why didn't they get away?  
I didn't understand it, but right then I didn't have the time to try to either.

I fended them off as well as I could, but it was hard to do anything major because my powers would've brought the entire house down.

I did the best I could, but it wasnt enough.

I still dont know what exactly happened.

All I know is that seeing Pietro fall snapped me.  
First Todd, then Fred, now Pietro...

I couldn't let it go any further.

For the first time in my life, I didn't hold back.

It only lasted a few seconds, but the walls shattered completely. I could feel it.  
A few more seconds and the whole house would have crashed.

But before ten seconds passed, something was shot into my neck.  
I tried to pull it off, but another hit my arm.

I didn't feel anything as I fell to my knees, but through blurred eyes, I saw Wanda collapsing as well.  
On her I saw the metallic gleam of the darts that had hit us.

And as I hit the floor, now ripped up from my attack, I blacked out.

Knowing that we were all down.

That we had lost.

And I had failed them.


	13. Chapter 13 Captive

Chapter 13. Captive.

My head feels like it's shattering.

Shattering... burning... freezing... I can't think of any more words.

It just hurts.

I wonder if this is what Lance's headaches feel like.

If his come anywhere near this, I have to make sure he has some aspirin or something around; it'd be no wonder he's always looking for them.

It's quiet.

I can't hear them.

Pietro?

Am I alone?

Todd?

No, I can't be alone.

Lance?

I can't...

Fred?

It hurts too much to be alone.

Even you, Tabby?

Please tell me you're here.  
Tell me I'm not alone.

Somebody.

Anybody.

I don't want to be alone.

Where are you?

Someone please answer me.

Where am I?

I have to look for them.

My head hurts.

I don't want to open my eyes.  
What if they're not here?

But they will be here.  
They have to be.

I need to...  
Something's wrong.  
I can't see.  
There's something covering my eyes.  
I have to get rid of it...  
I can't move my hands.

I can't move at all.

What's going on?

Wait, I hear someone.  
Lance? Is that you?

Please tell me it's you.

"...Lance?"

I don't sound like myself.

"Wanda?"

Lance!

"Wanda? Are you there? Are you all right?"

It is Lance.  
...His voice sounds different. Far away. No... not far away... quiet.  
Weaker.

"Lance? Are we alone?"

"I don't know, Wanda... I can't see anything. I can't even hear you clearly. I've got some kind of mask or something on me. I can't really move either. Can you?"

"No... Lance, what's going on? What happened? Where is-"

"Wanda, I don't know... I don't know what happened... I don't know where everyone else is. I don't know where we are. I just... don't know."

...Lance, if you don't know, what do we do?

"Think of something!"  
I didn't think I had the strength to be that loud.

"Wanda? Is that you?"

...Pietro?

Lance was faster than me in checking.  
"Pietro? Are you there?"

"Lance?"

"Yeah. Pietro, can you move? Can you see me?"

"I don't know... I think so... my eyes are weird..."

Something about those words hit me hard.  
Pietro never talks like that.

"Pietro, you have to get me and Wanda free, all right? We have to get out of here and find Todd and Fred."

"But Fred's here too."

What?

"He is?"  
This time I was faster with the question than Lance.

Why hasn't he said anything?

"He's right next to you, Wanda... shit, I think I'm going to throw up."

Just as I was about to say something, I heard a creak further away- a door.  
"Take care of the two in the far wall, they haven't been finished."

I didn't recognize the voice, but it was too faint; I barely heard it. I don't think anyone else even realized it was here.

Something landed next to me, the fleeting breeze accompanied by a dull thud.

**"Who are you**!"  
Lance was left unanswered, but silence wasn't the response.

Footsteps...

And someone grabbed me.  
**"Let go**! **Let go of-"  
**And jammed something into my arm.  
Someone grabbed the mask off my head; I heard chains unclasp and when I opened my eyes, I saw them.  
Them- clad all in black again, some by Lance, taking off his mask.

As they left I tried to scream at them.

Who were they?  
Where were we?  
What did they want?  
Why were they doing this?

But nothing came out.

I couldn't make sense of this.

I looked around helplessly, hoping to see them... even here.

Through clouding eyes I saw Lance trying to get up, only to fall back down again.  
On my other side, a few feet away from me, I finally recognized Fred, but when he didn't move, I realized that he was unconscious, and that was why he hadn't been able to do anything.  
In between us was Todd, who must've been thrown in just now; his eyes closed as well.  
Further away Pietro was on his knees, grabbing his head, his hands tangled in his hair.  
I want to help them, but I can't even keep my eyes open any longer; the pain's too much.

I can't focus.  
I think I'm blacking out too.

Is it wrong of me to feel better at knowing we're together?

In this?


	14. Chapter 14 Disaster

Chapter 14. Disaster

I've gone crazy for sure.

They have all told me I was crazy, so maybe it's not such a big surprise.

It's only becoming clearer as I read this in the dim light of my small flashlight, walking past the gates of presumably the best place I've lived in, in my entire life.

Let me recap what happened for you.  
Hell, better yet, why don't you just read some of the crazy rambling I wrote the past few nights? Yeah, I thought writing it might help me deal with it. Not so much.  
But who cares anyhow.

_I can't help but feel how I feel.  
__I know I'm selfish, but I don't know how to stop.  
__I know they don't need me adding on to their problems. I know that. I just can't help it. I can't control what I feel. If I could, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with..._

It's a distinctly different feeling.  
Not an all together pleasant feeling, but not exactly unpleasant either. Let's just go with 'different' for now.

I don't know.

I wrote pages and pages of this crap, but I still can't figure out what to do. In the end I just decided to be selfish old me.

But hell, being selfish has worked for me so far, hasn't it?

Then again, when it comes to them... I just don't know. If I'd known having people you care about was this confusing, I would never have tried it. Oh, wait. That's right.  
I never meant to.

It's not just that I'm worried about.  
Well, not so much worried about as feeling guilty over.  
Yeah. Believe it or not, Tabitha Smith feels guilt too.

I think I owe Amara about, well, roughly a hundred dollars, give or take. Probably about fifty for Kurt. And about thirty, forty dollars to Ray, Roberto, Rahne, Jubilee, Bobby, and Sam. Each. I mean, I owe **Jamie** ten dollars!

It's not like I can pay them back anyhow, but this... this is officially declaring their money long gone.  
Not that I think they really expect me to pay them back, Amara even told me she doesn't mind it, and that her family gives her enough money for the both of us, but still.  
I really think most of them have begun to notice that I don't seem to use the money on clothes or anything, so they are wondering what's up. Amara especially has been asking me if I wanted to talk. Even Jean and Scott have asked me if anything was wrong once. I'm not even going to go to the looks Logan and the others are giving me when they think I'm not looking; or even when they know I am.

I'm just... I don't even know what I am. Just a bad person to know, I guess. Or maybe just bad, period.

Too late for regrets.

I'm already halfway there.

Besides, I don't do regret.

Or remorse.

Of course, I never planned to do all this close friendship and feeling like a family and needing people thing either.  
I just talked like Pietro.

What I mean is, I never planned any of this.

Things just happened.

I thought it'd be easier if I left without saying anything. No, I knew it'd be easier if I left without saying anything.  
Not just because this way, no one will try to stop me, but because, well, I'm not good at this stuff.  
You'd think that someone who moved around as much as I did would be.  
Taking off's easy, I guess. Leaving's not.

Maybe they won't notice.  
Maybe.

I thought I'd try self-deception for a second.  
It doesn't seem to work as well as they say. Maybe I'm not doing it right.

They've been suspecting something anyhow.  
They've been expecting for me to pull something.  
Well, it happened.  
Logan will come to get me for the morning Danger room session and I won't be there.

I have no idea what I'm going to say.  
Once I get there I mean.  
Do I just go as I do everyday, and walk in with my stuff?

Admittedly, that is what I did last time.

The sun's rising.  
Haven't seen that in a while.  
It's kind of nice.

I guess some things don't change.  
Well, at least not for a while.

Too bad I'm not one of those things.

It's not that I feel sorry for myself.  
Because I **don't** feel sorry for myself.  
I just feel sorry for the people I mess up by doing all this.  
It's not like they deserve to have me messing up their lives.  
That's the only thing my so-called dad was ever right about.

It's...

Oh shit.

What...

...What...

...is...

...going...

...on...

**What happened here...**

Everything's gone.  
Destroyed.  
It has to be Lance; I'd recognize hispowers anywhere, but what... why...

**...What's going on...**

Where is everyone? What happene- what is that- oh shit... gas.

I'm pretty sure I'm falling.

**Are you all right?**


	15. Chapter 15 Fear

Chapter 15. Fear.

I'm scared.

It feels like we've been in here forever.  
When they come in, they beat us up, and jab us with the needles.  
I don't know what's in them, and I don't want to know.  
All I know is I feel like throwing up, but I can't.  
They come, looking all alike- all wearing identical black.  
No, sometimes white.  
All white. White or black.  
No colors. Just blood.

They beat us up bad.  
We tried to fight them off the first few times, but we can barely move, let alone fight.

The second time they came...  
We tried.  
We tried to fight.  
But our powers didn't work.

Freddy and me, we have physical powers. And even for us, something wasn't right.  
For one, Freddy couldn't even get up.  
He tried. He just didn't have the strength to.

My legs felt- feel- like jelly.  
Painful jelly.  
I can barely move myself, and when I tried to slime them, it didn't work. I was too dazed to try again after they threw me to the wall.

Pietro couldn't do much either.  
He tried to do his whirlwind thing anyway.  
We all had trouble moving.  
But Pietro... Pietro started coughing out blood.  
He still is, and he can't speak much.

Wanda had trouble getting up too. But she managed to stand up, trying to hex them.  
Barely a flicker.  
It died out.  
And they kicked her back too.

Lance was really out of it- a bad headache- when they came that time. But he tried to send an earthquake at them.  
It didn't work.  
Nothing did.  
He tried to put himself between them and us, but they pushed him back against the wall, using the needles on him again. On us too.

The needles. Always the needles.

We're all crowded around together, trying to do whatever we can to feel even a little bit safer. It's not working.

Wanda hasn't been awake much, and she's really out of it. I think they drugged her. A lot.  
I'm worried. She looks so pale. She's also been feeling cold. Lance gave her his vest, but it doesn't seem to be helping much.

Lance has barely moved, besides giving her the vest and moving closer to us. He tried to say something earlier, but couldn't make it. He keeps making a little quake here and there, but I don't know if he means to, he hurts more after them.

Pietro is still coughing up blood every now and then, and he can't seem to do much else. I've never seen Pietro so still. It scares me.

I feel like throwing up, and the bruises aren't helping any- they loaded us with bruises. Ican't tellif I feel my legs anymore.

Fred hasn't moved much either. He's been blacking out too. I never knew anything could physically hurt Fred like this. He's the Blob- I don't know how they could do this to him.

None of us have eaten.

They came for us.  
We tried.  
We tried to fight back.  
We tried.  
And we lost. As we always do.  
But this is the first time since I came to the Brotherhood that I've been real scared about losing.

And I've never been this scared before in my entire life.


	16. Chapter 16 Hatred

Chapter 16. Hatred.

I don't understand what's going on.

Everything's a blur.  
It's impossible to tell the time.  
It seems like forever, always.  
I wake up for a few minutes before blacking out again.  
The guys do too.  
They keep drugging us, and shooting chemicals into us.  
I feel sick.

I don't understand why this happened.

I want to ask Lance what's going on, but I can't.  
We've barely been able to talk.  
We can't even move.  
It's hard to just open my eyes.  
I've never felt so heavy before- physically, yeah, I am the heaviest out of us all, but my body never felt like it was crushing me before.

I don't understand when this started.

I never thought anyone was really out to get us.  
Maybe it was after the TV reports, and then after it was revealed that we were fake heroes, that people really started to hate us. Knowing they had been fooled, they had decided to take it out on us.  
And everything else.  
But I never thought anyone would do something like this.

I don't understand where we are.

It's all cold chrome, walls of metal and the cell a cube. There's one door in one wall, and even the doorknob is only on the outside. The only opening we have is a slim slot in the door, but that's it. It has a cover, blocked from the outside, I think- it would only make sense, although I haven't been able to check. None of us have.

I don't understand who they are.

They all look the same, all in black, all in white.  
They did something to me, to us.  
I don't know what.  
They haven't come back, but they will.  
We can't do anything to stop them, not while we're this way.  
We can't do anything.

I don't understand how anyone could hate us this much.


	17. Chapter 17 Survival

Chapter 17. Survival.

Right after we- I... left Wanda there, I started to realize who he was.  
Who I was. What I was. What we were, and what it meant.  
At least, in his beliefs.  
And I was caught up in those beliefs just like he was- sometimes more than him.

I almost ran away.  
I planned fantasy rescues, running away and getting Wanda out of there.  
They brought only temporary relief from the guilt.  
I slowly fell to apathy.  
Soon, I felt nothing.

Pain is like that.  
Once it becomes regular in your life, you start to not feel anything at all.  
Nothing at all.

And so it became.  
I don't know how long we've been here, but whatever they did to us, we're still alive.  
Alive, and slowly fighting back.

At least, our bodies seem to be, in a sense. Or maybe I'm just imagining all this.  
Maybe we've just gotten more used to the pain. Maybe our bodies are slowly becoming more immune to whatever they're shooting into us. I don't know what it is, but it doesn't matter.  
We're more or less usually conscious now, and movement isn't an impossible task. I've stopped coughing up blood by the gallons.  
Conversation is limited, but we're beginning to be able to handle it.  
So far, we've only concluded that we are in deep shit and that we have no idea how to get out of it.

_A long time ago, I used to be normal._

They haven't been in, not in a while.  
Of course, it's impossible to tell just how long.  
They've moved us a few times already, when we were less sentient and even more physically incapable of fighting back.  
All the cells look the same though. Cubic and cold.  
And... disgustingly, without proper facilities for hygiene. Don't make me elaborate on that, because I don't plan to.

_A long time ago, I used to be friendly._

They haven't said anything to us.  
Not a word.  
The only times I even vaguely heard their voice were the few times they were talking to each other, mostly outside this cell.  
Not a word directly to us.  
We'e still here. Trapped.  
And we don't even know by who, or why.

The door's opening.  
**Them** again.  
I can hear their footsteps.  
It sends shivers down my spine, but I don't know why anymore.

_A long time ago, I used to be a good person._

Wanda is awake too.  
Fear is unsettling on her, but at the same time, she looks used to it.

_Is this what I've done to you?_

We brace ourselves for the inevitable.

But they don't come in.

Instead, they throw someone in.

"...TABBY!"

I don't know how we knew. We just did.  
Both of us, at the same time.

Because you see, even in this state, even with her in that state, some things, we just know.

_What have they done to you?_

She looked horrible.  
Nothing at all like the Tabby we know.  
They had put her in some white outfit, top to bottom.  
The white only made the blood and bruises more visible.  
Vivid red and blue against the white. Darker blueand black outlined the blue.  
And she was out cold.

"Guys?"

Lance. He must have awoken at our voice. He sounds so... quiet. Defeated, almost.  
But that couldn't be. Not Lance...  
Not Lance.  
Not Tabby and Wanda.  
Not Fred, Todd, and me.  
It can't be.  
Not us.

_What have they done to us?_

"It's Tabby," I hear myself say, my voice raspy.

Lance raised his head at that, shock obvious in his face, equaling ours.  
Then, he staggered up, and I saw it- he could barely stay standing.  
But he managed to get to Tabby, gently picking her up, Wanda and I on each side of him to help. I don't know how we managed to get her next to Fred and Todd, but we did. And then we collapsed too.

_A long time ago, we used to be happy._


	18. Chapter 18 Chosen

Chapter 18. Chosen.

The guys told me about this place, after I woke up. They said I was out a while. I wouldn't know.

I think I have an idea of what this is.  
This place...  
I think maybe we've been caught by some mutant experiment place.  
Like the one Logan was in. Or something. I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

I don't want to think about it.

I don't want to be here.  
I just want to go home.  
Home, with them.

We're barely alive.  
The injections they keep giving us haven't been doing their worst, so we're more or less managing to stay awake without being in constant, mind-shattering pain.  
But...  
It won't last.  
I'm sure of it.

I don't know what they did to me.  
I just don't.

They kept me alone for a while, so I don't know why they suddenly put me in with them.

They stopped doing the other stuff to me, the stuff that was happening before I was moved here.  
I'm afraid.  
They could start doing it again. To them too.

I don't know if we would be able to live through all that.  
Not me, not again.

I listened to them talk once, after they had finished something on me. I was mostly out of it, but I remember a little of the talk.

I didn't tell them yet.  
I don't think I should.  
I wish I didn't know.

They said the only reason I made it through was because of my powers. I don't even remember it, but supposedly I blew up their equipment before they could finish.

That wasn't supposed to happen, according to them.  
They shot us with some anti-mutant-power thing. I don't know exactly what that's supposed to mean, or how that's even possible, but I think it's supposed to kill our powers.

And us.  
Because we can't just 'turn off' our powers. It's a part of us.  
And if they keep doing this to us, we'll die.

They knew.

They said it would either kill us right off, or that our bodies would adapt to the injections and slowly become immune to them. But in time, our bodies will fail, and the poison will kill us, along with our powers.

They know.

There is no way to beat it.

They expect us to die.

We're just a step to more experiments, one step in their procedure.  
We don't have any meaning to them.  
Not even our results. The only thing that matters to them is how long we'll last.

We were chosen to die.


	19. Chapter 19 Doubts

Chapter 19. Doubts.

It's hard to tell.

If I'm awake or I'm asleep.

There are too many confusing things.

I can never be sure.

It could all be a nightmare, just another nightmare.

Or it could be real. Real beyond my worst fears.

I don't know which is worse.

Omnipotent evils of nightmares, nightmares I never wake from; or a reality that ends up just the same as the nightmares.

I don't think they're different.

I don't know how we're still alive.

It's impossible to stay alive in these conditions.

Yet, we're alive.

I think.

I can't be sure anymore.

I'm not sure if this is real anyway.

I'm not sure anything is.

Who said this was anyhow?

No one.

This doesn't have to be real.

It couldn't possibly be real.

We couldn't possibly exist in this.

It's not possible.

We can't possibly be alive.

Are we dead?

Are we real?

Were we ever?

Did we ever exist?

Existence is irrelevant now.

Nothing we do makes any difference.

We'll still be here.

Trapped in this hell.

I don't even believe in a hell.

I don't think there can be a hell if you're not alive.

Not dead or alive.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't change anything.

We don't change anything.

Red... red everywhere.

I don't know why.

The walls used to be white.

White- like clouds.

My clothes were white too.

But not anymore.

Now I see more red than white.

I haven't been outside this place, and I don't know in how long.

I don't think I've ever been anywhere else.

I think I would remember if I had.

Wouldn't I?

I don't know why I remember the name.

Scarlet Witch.

Scarlet... crimson... red. Red like everything here.

That's all I know.

I don't know.

Wanda Maximoff.

It has a familiar ring to it.

I don't know if I should associate with the name.

There's something about it that hurts.

I don't know why.

I just don't know.

I'd ask, but I don't think they know either.

Sometimes I think I'll be okay, not knowing for a little longer- they don't ask me.

Other times, I don't think I can bear not knowing.

They're in here with me.

But I don't know why.

I don't know why we're here.

Then again, maybe we were always here.

Maybe this is it.

If this is it, I'd like to stay with them.


	20. Chapter 20 Realizations

Chapter 20. Realizations.

"No way."

She crossed her arms adamantly.

"I'm not saying it's for sure, I'm saying it's a possibility," he defended.

"Whatever you're saying," he cut in from next to her. "I don't believe it either."

"And I can't believe you're suggesting it," she said, arms still crossed.

"Oh come on, it's not impossible," he argued.

"I refuse to believe that Tabby would deliberately ignore us all this while," Amara repeated, arms as firmly placed as she was on this subject.

Next to her still, Ray nodded. "There's a lot of things Tabby's done and will do, but she wouldn't just start ignoring us."

"Well I'm not saying she would!" Bobby stood his ground. "But it's not like she was around a lot to begin with."

"She was enough to hang out with us," Jubilee pointed out.

"She might have just... forgotten," Sam attempted in an effort to calm things down.

"Forgotten! It's been a month since she left and went back to the Brotherhood!" Roberto exclaimed.

"Well, technically, twenty-nine days," Jamie noted.

"In any case," Rahne spoke, "There's no reason to fight. Why don't we just go over?"

"Yeah. Their phones might not be working, but that's not saying much," Jubilee agreed.

"All right, then let's just go over," Amara nodded.

"I'm driving," Roberto declared. "There's no way I'm getting in Ray's car again."

"Oh you're so much better," Ray retorted as the group headed to the garage.

"Hey, at least I **use** brakes!"" Roberto replied.

"I agree- I'd take Roberto's perfectionist driving, including the before-ride-lecture and brief bursts of anger-induced-speed, over your hit-the-deck driving any day, Ray," Sam said. "Not that I'm saying I infinitely don't want rides to school anymore or anything," he quickly added.

"At least I have a license, unlike most of you guys," Ray defended, getting in the passenger seat as Roberto got in the driver's.

"Hey, you're not the only one! I do too," Roberto pointed out.

"I said most. Besides, a joy ride with Bobby had to be more dangerous than me," Ray continued.

"Actually, no," Jubilee stated, getting in the back. "Although the risk of death was about the same-"

"Hey!" Bobby showed his indignation, following her in.

"-I think way more about that when I'm in your car," Jubilee finished.

"I bet I'll be a better driver than Ray and Bobby!" Jamie proclaimed, getting in after the two.

"My driving is **not** bad." Ray stated as Rahne and Sam too got in.

"We're not saying it necessarily is," Amara cut in, closing the door. "We're just saying you drive **way** too fast. And I've been in cars that Tabby was driving. Now that's saying something."

* * *

There was little stress in the day, but something bothered him. Actually, something had been bothering him for a while now. He just wasn't sure what. But these days, things were busy, and he didn't have time to mull over the reasons- especially after the recent incident with his son, Evan, and Rogue. Not to mention, the entire situation with Apocalypse.

It was, however, unsettling.

"Charles?"

He closed the book, looking up from it as the door opened.

"Yes, Hank?"

"I think you'd better come- something's going on."

* * *

"It was completely destroyed!"

"It was like the walls just shattered!"

"There was **nothing** left!"

"Honestly, it was all gone!"

"Nothing at all!"

"One at a time... where are Wolfsbane and Sunspot?" Logan looked around, noting the distinct lack of the two.

"Oh, um..." Ray coughed. "Um... Rahne got carsick, so she's lying down. Roberto's hanging out with her in case she needs something."

"I told you Roberto should've driven back too," Amara murmured.

"You said to go fast!"

"As long as they're both safe," Ororo broke in. "It's all right. Calm down."

"Now, tell us what happened again, one at a time," Charles spoke.

"Well, we went to see Tabby," Amara started.

"Because she hadn't called us or anything in a while," Sam supplied.

"And Roberto was driving the first time," Jamie added.

"But when we got to the Brotherhood house, everything was gone!" Bobby exclaimed.

"It was like Lance Avalanched the whole place or something," Jubilee continued.

"It was all just... rubble. Dirt and rocks," Ray finished, and it was only then that they all realized something: what did this mean?

* * *

"What'd you find?" Logan wasted no time in getting to the question, as soon as the doors opened. "Those kids up to something?"

"I'm not sure, on both accounts," Charles sighed. "With Cerebro, I was able to faintly trace them."

"But something's not right," Hank finished, knowing already from the expression on his face.

"And I'm not sure what. I was able to locate them, but only barely. We best check on it... I think they may be at one of the Hydra bases."

"I'm going."

No one objected to Logan's statement.


	21. Chapter 21 Escape

Chapter 21. Escape.

We can't stay like this.  
We can't.  
We have to get out of here.

I won't let them die, trapped in here.

Each day we get weaker.  
The pain isn't as bad as the beginning, but we can tell this temporary lax won't last. It's slowly getting stronger, while we get rapidly weaker.  
And when it happens, whatever happens next, I don't know if we'll make it through.  
Physically and mentally.

I'm beginning to doubt myself.  
Not in the usual way.

I'm not sure if I know who I am anymore.  
Everything is becoming clouded.  
I can't think clearly.

This can't go on.

We have to escape.

Escape is our only hope, and this is our last chance.

And it happens now.

* * *

"What exactly is zis about?" Kurt asked for the second time, still not quite getting the mission, as was the state of most of the team.

"Yeah, since when do we like, attack HYDRA bases?" Kitty added.

"We don't know what's happening in there, but it seems Tabby and the Brotherhood might be there," Ororo explained once more.

"It figures that the Brotherhood are stirring up trouble," Scott muttered.

"We're not sure about that," Ororo reminded.

"But what could they possibly be doing there?" Jean voiced.

"Yeah, it's not like they could even be working or something, at a place like that," Rogue murmured.

"We don't know," Logan answered from the pilot seat. "But we're gonna find out."

* * *

I don't know if this will work.  
I do know that if it doesn't, we're doomed.  
They'll come, and I don't want to know what they'd do.

We can't fail.

"Ready Tabby?" I want to sound strong, to be strong for them, for me, but I can't stop my voice from shaking.

"I-I don't know if I can do this."

"You can do it, Tabby." Why can't I stop the shaking.

"We'll help."" Wanda doesn't sound much better than I do. But I'm glad she's... okay. As much as I can hope for anyway. She hasn't been taking this well, even worse than the rest of us.  
I don't know if her hexes will work though. So far, none of us have been able to use our powers except Tabby, and Tabby doesn't even remember if she actually did

We had few options. And we decided that Tabby- with me and Wanda on each side of her to help, if we can- trying would be the best way.

If Tabby can't blow out the door, we can't do anything.

"...I-I don't know..."

"It's all right." Pietro sounds scared too. But he's there, right next to Wanda. And Fred's standing behind Tabby, in case she collapses; he's regained a little of his strength back, and Tabby doesn't weigh much anyway, especially not now. Todd's next to him, eyes never leaving her. And Wanda and I stand by, hands raised, next to Tabby. Desperately hoping we can do something.

"I...I'll try," Closing her eyes, she put her hands together. And we couldn't breathe.

Please let this work.

* * *

They had left the jet behind, walking the brief trek to the buildings. Logan had warned them not to get separated, and that they were all to stick together, to stay in one group. That had surprised them, since they had expected Logan to go off by himself, as it was more his style to do.

They had scarcely snuck in when the alarms blared.

* * *

The explosion made our ears hurt.

And she collapsed.

Fred caught her, just as we had planned. Tabby had done it- Wanda's and my powers hadn't worked. I was glad Fred had been ready- I wouldn't have been able to react in time.

Whatever had happened, it had been bigger than anything we'd ever seen Tabby do before.  
I didn't know she could do something like that.  
She would've taken out a whole side if it had been a normal house.  
But now she was spent; Fred carrying her.

And we were running, the alarms screeching at us, the lights blinding us.

It took us four seconds to run into them.

* * *

"How do zey know ve're here already!"

"Doesn't matter- this way!" they broke into a run as Logan led them down the hall of flashing red lights.

* * *

They didn't hesitate.

We did.

* * *

They had been in the building for over a minute now. The alarm had sounded about ten seconds after they had entered. Yet, no guards had confronted them.  
In fact, the hall was practically empty.

Logan didn't know where the guards were, but he had a bad feeling about it all.

* * *

There were three of them. The one in front immediately pulled the trigger.

I saw it. I saw the bullet as it sliced through the air, headed for her.

I couldn't move.

She couldn't either. Staring at the bullet coming at her, blue eyes wide open.

And time stopped at the dull yet shattering sound of the bullet meeting flesh.

And Todd was on the cold floor.

* * *

"Logan-"

"I know Ororo, I know," he nearly snapped at her, but she knew him well enough to know that it was the tension. "We should've run into something by now-"

Just as the words left him, a pair of armed guards turned into the hall from the corner. The second one spotted them, raising the gun up.  
"What are you-"

A flash of metal, and the half the guns were on the floor.

The guard was slammed up against the wall, Logan glaring at the offending halve of a weapon still in the black gloves. It dropped when the glare bore into the guard's eyes.

* * *

A second it must've been, but to us it felt like a lifetime had passed.

**"TODD!"**

Fred broke free first.  
Before anyone realized what was happening, he had put Tabby in Pietro's arms and his fist smashed against the face of the foremost guard. Fred then picked up the guard and threw him at the other two.  
One dodged, but the other took the full blow, falling down. The standing one fired at Fred, but the bullets had no effect on him. Fred didn't even notice them, charging the guard and slamming him back.

_I have never seen Fred so angry, so blinded by rage. _

I could hear more footsteps coming to us; I could feel the ground thundering their footsteps. But still I could not move.

Wanda collapsed to the ground, on her knees next to Todd. I saw the red pouring out of his side, slowly coloring the floor. She was in shock- her mouth opened, but no words came out. She laid a hand on him, and I could see it shaking.

Then she screamed.

_I have never heard her scream like that._

_I have never seen them cry like that either._

* * *

"What's going on!" Logan demanded as Kurt teleported out then returned, a hand on the other guard who had sprinted a few feet.

With Logan's claws up front, the guard spilled everything. "The experiments- they've broken free!"

"Where are they!" Logan continued. At a brief blank look, he snarled out the obvious. "The experiments!"

* * *

She saw the gun, fallen from the guard that Fred had thrown.  
A jolt of her hands and the gun was enveloped in blue energy, firing wildly at the three guards until the shots were empty.

A second gun, the blue energy wrapped, and then half a dozen more guards came in.

This time, Wanda was faster.

The gun shot off, bullet by bullet, until it had no more. And screaming still, Wanda and Fred, blue hex and pure strength, tossed the guards aside, hard enough that I could hear the cracking.

Abruptly, Fred fell, half a dozen metal darts embedded in the back of his neck and shoulders.

And just as suddenly, Wanda was thrown against the wall, blood streaming from her right arm, knocked out cold.

_I can't help.  
__My powers aren't working.  
__I'm trying, but I can't even make the ground under me tremble. _

And then something dug into my arm. And then my leg. I vaguely felt my knees giving out under me.

_I'm powerless._

I could hear Tabby and Pietro screaming from next to Todd.

The world must have heard it.

* * *

The guard had stuttered out the answer, and they had left both tied up with the rope they had found on the guards themselves.

Now they were running even faster, Logan in the front.

Something had been let loose in him at the word of experiments, and the X-Men knew not to question him when he set a faster pace.

* * *

_W__e are going to die here._

_Todd is down. _

_Fred is out._

_And Wanda is unconscious._

_Half my family is dying, and I cannot stop it._

I saw Pietro leave Tabby and Todd, lunging at the guards that had taken away his friends, his family.

_I have never seen Pietro run so fast. _

None of the bullets could hit him.

But he hit all his targets.  
All the guns dropped to the floor, and the guards were out flat next to them, Pietro on one, mindlessly slamming his fists against the one that had dared to hurt his family, not even noticing the blood that splattered against him.

Or the dozen more guards that came in.  
Or the bullet that hit him from the back, slashing into the back of his right shoulder.

_We are being killed. _

_I am powerless._

_I cannot stop it._

Tabby tried desperately to get up, to help, to protect the ones she loved more than any other. But when she managed to stagger up, a bullet zipped by, grazing her left leg. She grabbed the wound in pain, collapsing back onto her knees, but she did not black out. Not before a dozen bombs flew through the air, falling onto the opening of the hall, taking out half the guards as well as parts of the walls. Not before another dozen made the arc.  
Not before she saw the guards headed for me- the last one standing- and with a roar, lunged at them. I fell back, but not far enough to miss seeing the bombs in her hands digging into their very bodies, exploding halfway within them, close enough to me that the blood hit my face as well as hers.

_I have never seen her eyes like that. It was more than rage. It was blood thirst._

But another gunshot, and her blue eyes widened, returning to their softness, before closing shut. She was down, blood gushing from her upper left chest.

_I stand here, blood all around me. _

_I could not stop it._

My world shattered.

* * *

They were nearing the middle now, he was pretty sure. The guard had said that the cells were in the center of the building, and that the 'experiments' couldn't have gotten far.

Well, Logan had no idea who these experiments were, but whoever was behind them... if they were experiments like X-23... he would make them pay. They would pay.

He didn't know where the Brotherhood was supposed to be, or if they were working with HYDRA or not even there at all, but he didn't care right now.

All he wanted to do was find these so called experiments and put them down, along with all the people responsible.

The sudden shaking of the earth put a halt to his thoughts, as well as his steps.

* * *

_I just want them back._

* * *

"It's Avalanche!" Scott shouted.

* * *

_I need them._

* * *

"But- But Ah can't even see the Brotherhood!" Rogue said the one thing on everyone's minds; the earthquake was getting stronger and wilder, and they had never felt it like this before. Even when they had been face to face with Lance, the earthquakes hadn't been this strong.  
And right then, it was just getting stronger.  
Less controlled.

"Jean! Find them!" Ororo called out. "We must stop Avalanche before he makes the building collapse!"

* * *

_I could not stop it._

* * *

"I'll try!" Jean answered, putting her hands to her temples. But no sooner had she spoken, she collapsed, and it was only Scott, who had been right behind her, that could react fast enough to catch her before she fell.

"Jean!"

"She's unconscious!" Kitty cried out.

"Storm, Nightcrawler, carry her out! Everyone else, follow me! I can feel it- they're this way!" Logan ordered, knowing that his fellow instructor could not use her powers inside, but could pilot the jet, and knowing Kurt could teleport the three out. Breaking into a run, the rest of the group headed for the source of the earthquake as Kurt first teleported Jean, then Ororo out.

* * *

_We are trapped here._

* * *

The cement walls trembled, the earthquake suddenly taking on stronger levels.  
It suddenly hit Logan full on that things were very wrong. His instincts were screaming at him to get out of the place.  
He should've sent all the kids out, he realized, but it was too late.

* * *

_We will die here._

* * *

Unexpectedly, the wall to their left shattered like glass.

And when they turned, they saw it.

* * *

_They are already dying._

_I am alone._

* * *

Or rather, they saw them.

The former hall was a crowded mess of shattered walls, blood and bodies all around. But some of the fallen bodies, they recognized, despite the blood.  
Five of them, to be exact.

And in the middle of it all was Lance, drenched in blood, on his knees, his hands on the floor, tears falling onto the trembling earth as he sobbed.

* * *

_I could not stop it._

* * *

"...L...Lance!"

* * *

_...No one here has called me by that name. Not anyone... except them._

* * *

"Lance!" Kitty repeated, this time more urgently as slabs of the floor broke free, lashing out at the air.

They saw him turn, and only then did they see the blood spilling out from his left arm.

* * *

_It's not them._

_It's her._

* * *

Kitty found herself crying.

The earth stopped still.

He stumbled up, nearly falling down again, but shakily standing, staring at her.

* * *

_...She can't be real._

_She can't be real._

_She **isn't** real._

_It's all a part of their experiment._

* * *

Logan was first to see the change in his eyes, the sudden hatred erupting in those dark brown, blood-shot eyes.

* * *

_I don't know how they know who she is. _

_I don't know how they know who our enemies are._

_I'm expecting to see Mystique or Magneto shouting orders at us the next second._

_But they aren't here._

_And this isn't real._

* * *

And it chilled him to the very bones.  
"Everyone, get back!" Logan shouted.

* * *

_They are torturing us to the very end._

_They are using her to torment me. They are using her, taunting me, torturing me with her image._

_We are already dying, and they are keeping up their experiments._

* * *

But they couldn't move, frozen in their shock.  
Shock and fear.  
They stared, unable to do anything else.

* * *

_I have already lost them._

_I can no longer feel anything._

* * *

Slowly the earth regained its viciousness, snarling its destructive curses as it began roaring once more.

* * *

_I will kill the ones that have forced this upon us._

* * *

Without warning, the earth erupted everywhere.

* * *

_I will kill them all._

* * *

Instantly, they were thrown back by the sudden explosion of cement and metal below their feet and all around them.

Lance's eyes were fixed on them, with hatred and anger they had never seen before. Such loathing, such absolute rage they had never seen before, not in their entire lives.

Only Logan could recognize it as the breaking point of sanity, the result of losing everything and everyone.

* * *

**_I'LL KILL THEM ALL!_**

* * *

"**Lance!**"

"No, Kitty! Get back!" Logan shouted, but the girl did not hear, running already.

She grabbed onto the front of his shirt, desperately holding on, unaware of the red liquid that soaked her in the touch.  
"Lance! LANCE! Stop this! Stop! You're going to kill all of us! STOP! **LANCE!**"

_

* * *

_

_She... she feels...she feels real._

* * *

He stared at her, the chaos- the hatred, the confusion, the anger, the fear, the hopelessness- all in his deep brown eyes, barely contained enough to focus on the blue eyes that spilled tears.

"K-Kitty...?" the word barely dared to leave his lips, a whisper of both disbelief and ...dazed hope.

* * *

_It can't be._

* * *

"Yes! It's me! Lance, please, stop! You're going to kill everyone!"

"K...Kitty..."

* * *

_She is real._

_...I ...I cannot kill her._

* * *

"Hold on," he whispered, one arm covering her, before he turned.

All the earth listened when he directed his rage, his desperation, and his despair into one single attack.

And with a surge of power, the seismic waves exploding so uncontrollably that even the others could feel, could hear them, the entire side of the building shattered.

And Lance fell, blood trickling out of his mouth and nose.

* * *

_I__'m tired. _

_I don't want to fight anymore._

_I just want be with them, safe, back home._

* * *

The clean, crisp air blew through the ruins of the building, but none could feel it until the jet flew down, landing in what was only seconds ago half a HYDRA base.

"We saw it from the air- how did it happen?" Ororo asked, her expression betraying her shock, a stark contrast from her usual calm.

"Not sure. We have to get Avalanche out of here- he's got a bullet wound in his arm and who knows what else," Logan said, finally regaining his senses. "Get Kurt out here."

"Already here," Kurt spoke, having followed Ororo out. Logan nodded towards Kitty, who was crying next to the fallen Lance, and Kurt proceeded to teleport each into the jet.

"Ororo, Scott, Rogue, check the bodies- if Avalanche is still alive, the rest of the Brotherhood might be too," Logan stated as he himself rushed to the task.

* * *

_I just want to go home._


	22. Chapter 22 Aftershock

Chapter 22. Aftershock.

Nine days.

None of them had spoken.

Admittedly, they had been unconscious for a great deal- most- of the time, but even when they were awake, they never spoke. They rarely even acknowledged them. They were barely sentient.

It was more than enough to get the entire mansion worried.

Not that the mass of injuries- bruises and cuts everywhere, even without the bullet wounds- went unnoticed.

Everyone that had been at the incident had been shaken deeply.

Kitty hadn't stopped crying for hours, and still burst into tears at the mere mention or thought of it.  
Rogue and Kurt tried hard to help calm her down, but it could scarcely be said that they were themselves coping brilliantly with the situation.  
Scott tried to maintain a sense of leadership and older-brother-comfort, but he was just as much distraught as the rest of his friends.  
Jean had been unconscious for an entire two days after merely attempting to locate Lance's mind, unable to handle the chaos of his psychological state. She had since been limiting her power use as much as she could, and hadn't said much, still feeling the after effects and trying to collect her mind.

Even Charles had a hard time. It had been a task at times to block out the thoughts the students had unconsciously been projecting before the Brotherhood's coming, with just the confusion regarding Apocalypse lately. Now, it took him immense amounts of effort to merely maintain order in his own mind when he was near the Brotherhood.  
He had not allowed anyone to enter the infirmaries with the exception of Hank, Ororo, Logan and himself, but he found it hard himself, to be in the middle of their minds.  
Some days, however, they would shut down completely, and nothing could change that except time.  
Other times, he didn't have to be in the room or even near it to feel their misery.

The less experienced X-population of the mansion was restless. Having been the first to notice something wrong, but left out of the actual scene, the eight teens were practically begging to see Tabby and the rest of the Brotherhood. But despite their concern and worry, Charles could not let them see the six teens, not in their present condition. He, Logan, Ororo and Hank could barely manage it.

They were mentally and psychologically exhausted, but their physical conditions weren't much better off.

Charles was worried.

The chemicals in their systems had done something to their powers. They just didn't know what. And so far, the Brotherhood hadn't been in any condition to offer possible explanations.

There wasn't one centimeter of their bodies that had no scars, welts, cuts, bruises or even burns. Bones were broken. They were malnourished and starved. And that was excluding the bullet wounds they had.

Fred was, in purely physical terms, better off than the rest. He had no bullet wounds; although he had been severely tranquilized- the amount that had been used on him was enough to take out a bear. The darts had also left him with wounds, having been made of adamantium- indeed, that may have been the only reason they had managed to pierce through his skin, as bullets had left no traces of their attempts at attack on him; but the wounds were not deep, and as such, they were not the main concern. His mutation also granted him a situation of fewer injuries on the whole, but his mutation was also proving to be his greatest enemy. They weren't sure how, but they believed that at some point or other, Fred's powers had been rendered dormant, and the side effects of that had been life-threatening, in Fred's case- his whole system depended on his mutation. How he would recover from it remained to be seen.

Wanda had a bullet wound in her right upper arm, but it wasn't as serious as it could be, as the bullet had not broken any bones, miraculously. She had also dislocated her other shoulder, but that had been set and she would recover without permanent damages. In fact, in the physical sense, despite a distinct decrease in weight and obvious signs of malnourishment as with the entire group, she was better off than the rest, like Fred. Her mind, however was a different story.

Todd had lost a lot of blood from his side wound, where the bullet had passed through and left two holes, as well as breaking a rib. His ankles were swollen up significantly. His legs could also be faring better. His case was much like Fred's- both had physically manifesting mutations that had not reacted well to whatever had taken place. But with the blood transfusions and lots of rest, he would heal.

They weren't sure how much Lance was physically affected by his powers, and the great extent they had been taken to. In fact, the greatest concern lay in the results of his power usage. Charles had never even imagined that the teen would have been capable of such feats, and he didn't believe it was all too healthy. His broken arm (the bullet had shattered the bone) had been taken care of, and the bullet had only grazed his leg, so they weren't worried about the gunshot wounds as much as the aftershock of his powers.

Pietro and Tabitha were even worse off.

A bullet had gone through Pietro all the way, from the back of his right shoulder and out in the front. He had lost a lot of blood. He was much more malnourished than his friends. Since Charles did not know how much of Pietro's high metabolism resulted from his powers, he wasn't quite sure what to make of it, as Pietro's powers had seemed to be rendered useless, much like his friends' cases.

Tabitha's leg also suffered a bullet grazing as well, though for her case it had been her left leg as opposed to Lance's right. They didn't think that would take very long to heal, but the chest wound had been nearly fatal, and the bullet had imbedded itself deeply inside her before it could be removed. Her physical state was worse off in other terms as well, including lack of body fat, although her case was not as serious as Pietro's, and extreme blood loss.

Another thing that thwarted him, however, was that he was sure he had sensed a sudden, abrupt burst of power from all of them, even from the distance away. Lance's case was obvious.  
Charles was surethe power surgehad happened- Pietro's and Tabitha's physical states were distinctive proof of it. Both had used up their stored body fat, to dangerous limits, especially Pietro. And it wasn't just the two that he saw it in, either. Todd's leg muscles showed signs of not having been used for an extended period of time, and yet they had clearly been over-exerted, in current state. Fred must have had run with the rest, which in itself was surprising, considering the fact that he still retained much of his body mass. It was harder to deduce with Wanda, but he had felt her, he knew it. And her energy depletion must have had some to do with an abrupt exertion.

To know more, he had to wait until they could tell him.

Or perhaps, until they **would** tell him.  
He wasn't sure if the Brotherhood would be willing to share their experience with the people they considered to be enemies, even under these dire circumstances. Then again, he wasn't sure if the Brotherhood truly did consider them enemies, without Mystique or Magneto to command them.

"How are they?"

"Asleep. Haven't woken up the entire time I was here. Hank tells me Tabitha woke up during his shift. Wasn't good. You'd better talk to him about it. She still keeps tearing off the med. stuff, every time she wakes up. And while she does that, she puts herself in worse condition. Plus, she kinda noticed Hank today. And it wasn't good. Ororo says Wanda hasn't woken up in two days."

Charles nodded. "I noticed that too. It may simply be fatigue."

"Todd's been pretty quiet too- he hasn't woken all day. Fred woke up during Ororo's shift, but only for a few seconds. She didn't think he was doing too bad, though. He mov-"

"...alone?"

Both turned at the quiet whisper.

* * *

It's the worst feeling in the world.

Waking up, and realizing that it had all happened. That it hadn't been a bad nightmare. That it had been real. And that the consequences lay waiting to shred you to pieces with the cold truth of it all.

Am I alone now?

I couldn't stand that.

I'd rather die than be alone again.

_I lost them all. _

My head hurts.

_I'm a failure._

Am I really alone now?

If I am alone, I'd like to die now, thank you very much.

Why am I even alive?

Didn't I die in that collapse?

_I should've died with them. _

_What's wrong with me?_

My head hurts.

_I don't want to be alone._

I'm too scared to open my eyes.

But I need to know.

My head hurts.

I can't keep my eyes open.

Am I... "...alone?"

"Lance? Are you awake?"

I can't tell who that is.

I'd open my eyes and check, but I don't think I can.

I feel like I'm being crushed.

Am I alone now?

My head is killing me.

I never had a headache like this before.

A few times, I had really bad ones, the most recent being from that train explosion thing.

But this... I feel like this headache will kill me.

Just as well, it's not like I've got anything to live for anymore.

"Lance? Do you hear me?"

Am I hearing voices now?

I've gone completely crazy, haven't I?

I wish it'd go away.

But I don't want to be alone either.

"Lance, you're not alone, and your friends are alive."

I don't know how I did it, but I opened my eyes.

Who- Who are-

What are they doing here?

Where am I?

**Are they really alive?**

"They-"

How can breathing be this hard?

And since when is my sight so... I can't think of the word. Not good. Something like that.

I think I'm going to throw up.

_I wish it would just all go away._

"Logan, would you please get some of the painkillers?"

It is them.

What is going on?

Didn't I- they were with her.

Back there. They were with her.

I remember...

Then they...

"Yes, Lance. We brought you here. You and your friends. I hope you don't mind me listening in on your mind, but you're not in any condition to communicate your thoughts to me verbally. I'm just reading the surface thoughts, I promise."

I don't care if he reads my whole damn mind.

It's not important anymore.

I don't even know what I'm thinking right now.

If I don't know, how does he?

_I just want to know if they're all right._

"You will all recover, with time. Some of you a bit slower than the others, but you'll all heal, I promise. Is there anything you'd like?"

They're all right?

"Yes, they're all right."

I hate crying.

Everyone's always told me it's showing weakness.

I don't care.


	23. Chapter 23 Lost

Chapter 23. Lost.

They hurt us.

They hurt us.

They...  
They shot Todd.

They shot Todd.

And I...  
I attacked them.

I wasn't thinking.  
I don't know what I did.

I just lost control.

They shot Todd.  
They hurt us first.

I...I killed them, didn't I?

Me and Wanda... we attacked them. I don't know what happened after that, but...

We fought back.

...We... killed them.

Are we murderers?

"...Fred, perhaps you should rest some more now."

I don't want to sleep.  
What if I wake up, back there?  
But... I'm tired.  
I think my eyes are closing.

"Ororo, Hank, Logan or I will be here. Don't worry, you're safe."

I can barely hear him anymore. I think I'm falling asleep anyway.

I don't know if I can trust him.  
Xavier talks to me when he's here, and the other three too, though more so Beast and Storm than Wolverine.  
They haven't done anything, but... they're supposed to be the enemy.  
I'm not sure that still matters though.

We've only been here eleven days.

I don't know.

I'll ask someone later.

Lance, maybe. He's been waking up too, like me. But he hasn't said much. He has bad headaches. Worse than the usual ones. He's been taking some serious painkillers.  
Maybe I'd better ask Pietro. Or Todd. They've been awake a couple times too. Probably better to talk to Todd. Pietro has more trouble staying awake. He needs to eat something too; he's so skinny, even more than before. But he says it's just the way his powers work, and that it's only because he used up a lot of energy.  
Todd's been awake more than Pietro. He says he's not feeling that bad, and the bullet wound don't hurt him that much. He's a tough little guy.  
I've only seen Tabby awake once, but she didn't say anything. I don't know if she noticed me. Beast says she keeps trying to take the medical things off. I wish she'd stop, so she'll get better faster.  
I haven't seen Wanda awake at all. I'm kind of worried about that, but Storm says she probably just over-used her powers and has to recharge and stuff.  
I think I've been awake the most. It's lonely, being the only one up.

It also keeps making me think about things I don't want to think about.

I lost control.

I can't get my mind away from that.

I hate losing control.  
Losing control, it turns me mad.  
I stop thinking about things, and I do things I regret.  
I've tried to control it since I joined the Brotherhood. If I lost control and hurt them, even while I was mad, I would never be able to handle it. I couldn't live with myself. They're the only ones that have ever accepted me, the only ones that have ever been nice to me without their personal gain as a reason. They are the only friends I have, the only family I have.  
And to protect them from me, I always tried to stay in control, to not just see red and start punching things.

This time, I didn't hurt them, but I did do things I regret.  
But they hurt us first.  
I couldn't let them do it.  
The Brotherhood is all I have.  
I couldn't let it go on.

So I let myself loose control.

Does anyone understand that here?  
I don't know.

...I wonder if we are murderers in their eyes.  
We had no other choice, but we killed them, and nothing can change that.


	24. Chapter 24 Hate

Chapter 24. Hate.

I hate them.

I can't even explain how much.

I hate them.

I hate them.

I hate them for destroying the only family I ever had.

I hate them for hurting my friends, my family.

I hate them for experimenting on us.

I hate them for using us.

I hate them for knowing we would die, and having no remorse for being the cause of it.

I hate them for expecting us to die.

I hate them for trying to kill me first, using me as a little experimental toy of theirs.

I hate them for all of it.

I hate them for thinking we're trash, too unimportant, dirty and ruined for anyone else to care about.

I hate them because they were right.

I hate them.

I hate them.

I hate all those people that tell us we're hoods.  
That we're trash.  
That we don't **matter**.

I hate them.

I hate them.

I hate all those anti-mutant jerks who attack us.  
I hate all the people that are against it, that see it, but don't stop them.  
I hate all of them.

I hate them.

I hate them.

I hate them for hating us.

I hate them.

I hate them.

**And I hate them for making me hate. **

I've never hated before.

Never truly hated.

My father may be a jerk beyond all, but I never hated him.  
I had always kind of hoped... hoped that he did those things but didn't mean them. Or, rather, that I meant more to him than just that.  
It may not be true, but I liked to believe it.  
It kept me from hating him.

My mother may never be chosen for mom of the year, but I never hated her. And besides... she tried to change, for me. She sent me to Bayville. She tried to give me a new life. The life that she had wanted, but could never have.  
She tried to make things right again.  
She told me to become something more.

Sorry, mom.  
I guess I'm just trash after all.

And now I've learned to hate.

I tried all my life not to hate.

It's such a horrible thing, to hate.

I didn't want to hate.

I never wanted to learn.

Now that I have, I hate them more for teaching me.

They took away the only thing I had left.

They took away the only things I had hope for.

They took away everything that mattered to me.

And they destroyed me.

Just like they meant to.

**And I hate them.**

* * *

_But mostly, I hate me._


	25. Chapter 25 Hero

Chapter 25. Hero.

I can talk now.

It's not something I ever really thought of as a gift, but turns out, it is.

'Cause you see, talking makes all the difference.

I talk to Fred, mostly.  
It feels almost just like old times, when we're talking.  
Old times... the X-Men say it was only a month ago.  
A month...  
But it feels so long ago.  
Like a different life.

Fred and me, we're doing okay.

We took out the curtain things that were in between every bed. Yeah, all the curtains have been moved, except for the ones for Tabby and Wanda.

I'm worried about them.  
Actually, I'm worried about all of my family.

Professor Xavier says we've been here fourteen days now. That's two weeks.  
But Wanda isn't awake much, still.  
And when she is...  
I don't know.  
It's like what happened before.  
When we went to that ski place and she got captured by Magneto.

She doesn't remember.

At all.

It's like, to her, it never happened.

The X-Men tell us it's just because she's emotionally stressed and all that, but I'm still worried. She says she doesn't remember how she got hurt. She says she doesn't remember what happened the past month.  
She just doesn't remember.

Tabby ain't doing much better.  
We **know** she remembers.  
But I think she remembers too much.

She hasn't said anything.  
Nothing at all.

And until a few days ago, she didn't even realize where she was or who we were. She kept ripping off the medical stuff, and Hank and Ororo had to keep putting it back on.  
She hasn't said anything. She doesn't even look this way, always facing the wall.

Pietro's doing better, and healing a bit better than Tabby too. He's taking lots of vitamins and weird stuff like that. He's not awake as much as me and Fred, but he likes talking to us when he is. He can't get up yet, though Freddy and I can sometimes sit up.  
It's weird, but Pietro doesn't even seem to mind that we're with the X-Men.

Actually, I don't think any of us mind that anymore. It just... doesn't matter so much now, you know?

Besides, it helps Lance to see Kitty.  
And if it helps him, I don't mind at all.  
He's been really down.  
Well, we all have, but we're getting better faster than he is. Me, Freddy, and Pietro I mean.

I think he's feeling guilty.  
I wish he wouldn't.  
But that's just like Lance, to feel that way.  
He always did that went something went wrong.  
Even if it wasn't his fault.  
And this wasn't.  
But he still feels that way anyway.

Still, he talks and he makes sure to see how we're all doing. He said not to worry about the X-Men, because they're not the enemy anymore. I think he almost said they never really were. In any case, what Lance said was what we all knew anyway- to prove our point, I think to ourselves, we even told the X-Men what happened to us, when Professor Xavier asked.

A lot of the X-Men have been coming to see us, as a matter of fact.

Well, they started yesterday. Before that, Professor Xavier didn't want them to, because we weren't really able to talk much or stay awake long and stuff.

I kind of like that they come to see us.

Well, I like that they talk to us.

It makes me feel more normal, even if I'm not used to them in particular talking to me.

I missed talking.  
We weren't exactly able to do much of it, back... there.  
Listening to other people is nice.

I just don't like being alone too much, you know?

It's too scary, being alone.

So far, I've mostly been hanging out with Kurt, out of the X-Men. I don't know; he just talks to me more. I guess it's 'cause we're both about the same age, even if I'm a bit younger. Or something. I dunno.

Kurt told me I was a hero.  
For taking the bullet for Wanda, I mean.  
I don't really think so.

If anyone is a hero, they're my friends, not me.  
I mean, they've always defended me, protected me.

It was just time for me to do something for them too.  
And besides, better me than Wanda, you know?

I told this to Kurt, but he says I'm still a hero.  
I guess the X-Men just don't see things the same way that we do.  
I don't really think it matters though, as long as things are all right.


	26. Chapter 26 Try

Chapter 26. Try.

I don't get it.

What am I supposed to do now?

What am I supposed to do?

I don't mind staying with the X-Men.  
It's not like any of that matters anymore.

But we're not X-Men.  
And we can't stay here forever.  
So what do we do now?

It's impossible.

I don't know if our powers are even working anymore.

I don't really remember what happened, after I saw Todd, Fred, and Wanda fall.  
I snapped. I just snapped.  
And everything after that was a blur.  
Lance tells me I used my powers then, just like Todd, Fred, and Wanda had. Which explains why my body looks like a stick, but doesn't explain how it happened.

I thought our powers were dead?

I mean, they gave us all those injections to kill them, didn't they?  
I know they did.  
Tabby was hallucinating when she told me, but she told me. I never told anyone else, and I don't think Tabby knows that I know.  
I haven't told the X-Men either.  
I'd feel too much like betraying her, telling them what she told me when she thought I was someone else.

...Especially when she thought I was... him. I never knew Tabby was so... angry and sad. Hurting... I guess we all were... are... were... I don't know which it is.

I'm afraid to check.  
I haven't done anything much besides sleep and rest, so I don't have to check. Yet.

When we tried to use our powers before... it didn't work.

I'm not a patient person.

I'm really not.

But I'll hold this off as long as I can.

Fourteen days we've been here. I should feel like a trapped rat, but I don't. I don't even know where my inability to be still went. It just disappeared.  
Actually, I think it disappeared a long time ago. When we were... back there.

I'm almost as bad off as Tabby is, physically speaking. I'm healing faster, but still. I can't quite move around yet. At least I'm not coughing up blood anymore.

I feel so lost.

I wish I could talk to Lance about this. Or Tabby even.

But Tabby isn't talking, still.

We all wake up screaming sometimes. We've all cried a lot more than we care to keep track of. We've all felt so scared and unreal that we couldn't do anything but scream, couldn't even breathe right.  
But not Tabby.  
She hasn't done anything. And she hasn't said a word.  
I'm really worried. Xavier won't tell us what's going on in her head. I'm not sure he even knows. That makes me even more worried.

It almost makes me wish Jean Grey would come in, just so I could ask her. But she's only come to see us once- she says it's too hard to keep control over her powers when there's so many of us, and that she doesn't want to accidentally read our minds. If I didn't believe it completely, that she was being a hundred percent sincere in her concern, I'd tell her to get over here so she could tell me what's going on in Tabby's head.  
I don't even really give a damn if anyone reads my mind anymore.  
I don't think it matters.  
Too much has changed in us- what seemed so important before seems like nothing now.

I think she almost cried. Jean I mean. When she saw us. Rogue did, the first time she saw us- the second time too, actually. So did Kitty. Kurt was better off, like Jean, but when I asked him what happened, he told me he only saw it from the jet, so he didn't know. Maybe that's why he doesn't feel as sorry for us. Or maybe crying doesn't really mean that. I can't quite figure these things out anymore. Scott Summers was the last of them to see us on the first day, and most of us were falling asleep or already asleep by then; I think I was the only one awake and alert. He left before he actually cried.  
I don't know why the X-Men would care about how we are.  
Especially enough that they'd cry about it, or almost cry. Then again, who says crying means anything anyway.

I don't understand why they would care.

I guess that's them for being the good guys.  
I don't care enough to ask.  
A month ago I would have hated it, hated them for even coming near us after all the times they've looked down on us, rejected us. But the Brotherhood's not my side in the war anymore- we're not a side at all. We're not an army. We're just a family.  
We don't want the war, and we don't want to fight.  
We just want to live. Together.

I'd talk to Lance, but he hasn't been doing too well either. It's the headaches. He even said he felt like they would kill him, once. Not to me, but my bed is right next to his so I heard when he told Kitty, when he thought everyone else was asleep.  
Lance's had headaches for as long as I've known him, and before that. Ever since his powers emerged.  
And sometimes, like after that train incident, it had been so bad that he couldn't get up for days without throwing up- though I don't know how he threw up, because he didn't eat anything.  
And it's worse now.  
Ororo says he took out half the entire base. I'm not sure I believe that- I never knew he could do that- but she has no reason to lie, and I don't think she's the type anyway.

I talk to Ororo and Hank the most, out of the X-Men.  
It just happens. I don't plan it or anything.  
I kind of wish Evan was here, because right now, I think I could apologize to him about that fight we had so long ago, maybe put things behind us. It's too bad he hasn't been here for months. Oh well, I'm not dead yet, so I don't need to do the things on my list of things to do before I die, yet.

I still feel awkward with Xavier. I mean, I don't care about the whole X-Men versus Brotherhood thing anymore, but I still feel awkward, somewhat.  
I guess I am my father's son after all, whether I like it or not.

Rogue's been talking to me too. Well, she's been talking to all of us. The X-Men have been pretty okay with us, so far.  
I really don't know why, since they have no reason to be, but I don't ask.

Todd and Fred are getting by pretty well.  
I'm so glad Todd's bullet wound isn't that bad.  
I thought he had died. I think all of us did.  
I thought they had killed us all, actually, when I blacked out.  
Well, Tabby and Lance were still standing... but they had so many guns.  
So many to fight against. So many to lose against.  
So many to kill us.

We killed some of them too.

I think I might have killed one... I was too out of it to distribute my attacks evenly, and I don't remember how long I was throwing punches before they took me out, but I think I might have killed a person.

I know Fred killed a few people. He hasn't been taking that very well, but he's talking through it. He can't stand losing control like that, but he can get past it. After all, that's what we do in the Brotherhood.

We get over it.

And we have a lot to get over, now.

Todd didn't kill anyone, and I'm glad he doesn't have to deal with the guilt- or possibility of guilt, like me- he's younger than us, and I don't think he would be able to handle it, not when even we're having trouble. Plus, I hate the thought of Todd killing someone. He doesn't even like fights to begin with. Not that any of us actually do.

Lance took out half a building, so he must have killed some people, at least the ones that didn't run away after he took out that hall. There must have been a few. And he killed some of the people in the hall, too. But he didn't mean to.

And I know Tabby killed more people than Fred, though I don't know how many she and Lance had to go through before they blacked out. I wonder if that's why she hasn't said anything.  
I really wish she'd talk to us.

Wanda...  
I'm worried about Wanda.

She's blocked everything.  
It's just like whatfather did to her, but... self-induced.

I can't believe it, but when we talk to her, she has no idea what happened. She doesn't remember.

But she's coping better than the rest of us, thanks to not remembering.  
Plus she's not hurt as badly physically, so she, Fred and Todd have even been getting up and walking around a bit.

It's... her method of dealing with it.

And I don't want to force her to remember.  
She hated me and Magneto so much for leaving her there.  
And I don't know what happened there, but it can't be anywhere near what happened this time.

And I don't want her to remember, because I'm afraid it'll make her hate, and then that'll be the only thing on her mind again.  
Hatred takes a person's mind over. Completely and utterly, until that's the only thing they can think about.

And I don't want Wanda to turn that way.

At least, not remembering, she has a chance at happiness.  
Doesn't she?  
She's certainly better off than the rest of us, right now.

Is it better to just forget everything?

Isn't being happy what's important?

Do we have to know the past?

Even when it hurts us this much?

Isn't it better to forget?


	27. Chapter 27 Hope

Chapter 27. Hope.

What to sell.

I have nothing left.

I have sold my memories.  
I no longer have the small bit of cash left from a few birthdays and a couple quarter allowances here and there, my last and only inheritance from my parents. The last of my past- good and bad.

I have sold my pride.  
I asked the one person in the world that I trusted, the one person that I still trust, yet is not a part of my makeshift family. And by asking for help, I admitted my failure in trying to achieve the mess called supporting a family and left my dignity amidst the ruins.

I have sold my trophies.  
I had nothing else on my mind, for months and months. I did everything I possibly could, took every job I possibly could, to get enough extra cash for it. And it was my prize. Something I had gotten, purely by my own means, my own. My guitar. And without hesitation, I had pawned it over for a couple of bucks.

Hey, you gotta live.

But I have nothing left now.

My home, I destroyed, and along with it my only valuable possession-my jeep.  
I am homeless and broke.

But I don't want much.

I just want a little of it. Just a little of it.  
A tiny bit.  
That's all I need.

But I have nothing to sell for it.

"Lance? Hey, you awake?"

I turned, despite the urge to feign slumber. I didn't say anything, but he would be able to tell I was awake, even if he had missed my turning when he closed the door.  
I was staring directly at him, after all.

"Um, hey. How are you?"

I didn't say anything.

"...Yeah...I just wanted to see how you were."

I rarely do, except to the Brotherhood and Kitty. I'd go crazy if they weren't here for me.

"So... um, anything I can get for you?"

I don't really get why the X-Men are being so nice to us. It' not like they have to be. We may not consider them enemies, but well, we never really took all that seriously except when Mystique or Magneto was around, so...

"...Um, okay."

But they'e always considered us the bad guys.

"Rogue said Fred had a hamburger craving when they were talking this morning, so I was just wondering..."

So what's changed?

"But I guess you can't really eat that kind of stuff yet..."

Just because we're laid up, we're suddenly not evil?

"Um, so... how are you feeling?"

I don't get it.

"...Right, I asked that already. Um..."

If I were back on my feet now, would you go back to calling me Alvers and telling me to stay away from Kitty?  
Would you go back to telling the New Recruits that I'm still a bad example and they shouldn't be so friendly with me when they run into me?

Would you go back to judging me, to persecuting me, to hating me?

"...So...I don't want to bother you..."

Would you go back to the fights?

"...I just wanted to see how you were..."

**Would you?**

"...Um...I guess I'll be going now..."

Because I won't.

"...are you sure you don't want anything?"

I can't.

"...well...if you're sure..."

I could never go back to the fighting. To the hating.

"...I guess I'll go now, then... tell me if you need anything..."

**Never.**

"Yeah... so... um... I'll see you later..."

_**Then why do I feel so angry?**_

"I don't **get **you, Summers."

Well that made him turn back around pretty fast.  
Then again, it is the first thing I've said to him since everything.

"I don't get you." I repeated when he gave me a look of complete confusion.

"Wha...what?"

"I. Don't. Get. You."

"...What do you mean?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Wha-"

"Being **nice** to me. I'd hardly say it's something I'm used to."

"L-Lance-"

"Do you have any idea how strange it is to hear my name coming from you?"

_I am an idiot._

"After not hearing it for what was a lifetime of hell for us? After not hearing it, except from the friends that, if by dying I could save, I would have died for? Hearing it from them as they tried to find out if we were all alive still, after going through so much that we couldn't cry, couldn't scream, couldn't even breathe?"

_I lost it._

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to be **relieved** that the most important people in your life could still feel the pain, because then you were sure they were alive?"

_Completely..._

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to then wish they could just **die** with as little pain as possible, because then they wouldn't have to feel all the pain anymore?"

_...and utterly._

"Even if it meant you would be left alone, and being alone is the worst thing that could ever happen?"

_I tore into him._

"And knowing with some small twisted bit of relief that they would never allow themselves to die, not even to stop the pain, because they- just like you- knew that it meant leaving the rest alone? Because we could never do that to each other? And so, with the knowledge that the pain would kill us all, slowly but surely, we struggled to stay alive even a second longer, to delay the inevitable, because none of us wanted to leave each other to deal with the pain alone?"

_And as I spoke, I found that I was crying. No tears fell from my eyes, but I was crying. And I didn't understand why, or how words could hurt so much._

"Do you know what it feels like, to never feel clean, to always feel the guilt, the kind that will try to strangle you in your sleep and make you go crazy?"

_I couldn't stop myself._

"Do you know what it feels like, to be completely and utterly alone, knowing that you couldn't do anything to stop the killing?"

_I just couldn't stop myself._

"Do you know what it feels like to be responsible for the deaths of the ones you love?"

_I've always been stupid that way._

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to lose every single person that ever cared about you, all in a matter of minutes?"

_And I never could control myself._

"Because if you don't, and I don't believe you do, I don't think you should try to relate with or pity me."

"I-I-" He almost got over the shock- enough to speak, but not enough to actually say something.

"What's going to happen after this? I'm still a Brotherhood- a hood. We all are. Aren't we your enemies? Will you go back to hating us once this is over? Are we just a pity case you're tolerating for now?"

"N-no! I-It's not-"

"Aren't you going to tell me what a crappy leader I am? That I've let all my friends suffer because I'm a worthless hood? Isn't that the truth?"

"N-no! You're not-"

"I know what changed us, and even if everyone else in the world will still think we are the same hoods, the same trash, we'll never be the same. We can't go back, not after this. But why would you change? Why would you stop the fighting? Nothing happened to you."

"It-It's not like-"

"We're **evil**, aren't we? And that's why this happened to us, isn't it? Because either no one gives a shit about what happens to us, or everyone thinks we deserve it all. So why would you be any different all of a sudden?"

"Lance- I mean- I- I- I don't know! I just want to make things right!"

I don't understand him.

Why is he crying?

"I'm sorry about what happened! I really am! I never thought that- I- I didn't think- I never meant for things- I never-"

Why is he crying?

"...I don't get you, Summers... what are you sorry for, you didn't have anything to do with this..."

"But maybe it could have been different! Maybe if I hadn't always been so sure you were bad news, we wouldn't have been so horrible to each other. Maybe if I hadn't been so quick to judge you, we wouldn't have been enemies when Mystique was gone. Maybe it could have been better. Maybe none of this would have happened..."

"What are you... it would never have worked like that! We've always been enemies! We're supposed to be enemies! That's the way things-"

**"STOP IT**! **Stop fighting damn it**!"

...I didn't even know Pietro was awake.  
Actually, so were Wanda, Todd and Fred... even Tabby. She was looking at us, if not speaking.

"Stop it." Pietro repeated. I don't know when he moved over next to me. He put a hand on my shoulder, and at the touch- though I didn't want to- I winced. He looked at me, his eyes like nothing I've seen before. The blue was unmasked now, no longer behind all the walls he put in between him and the rest of the world. I almost couldn't look at them, but the blue pleaded with me to not look away.

_"Lance, it's over."_

I don't know what it was about that sentence that made me break.  
But it did.

And they comforted me. As I should have been doing for them.  
I'm supposed to be the strong one.  
I'm supposed to be helping them.  
But instead they're helping me.  
I'm not the strongest one.

Not without them.

_I had nothing left to sell._

_I just wanted a little.  
__A little bit was all I wanted._

_I would never dare to dream of more than just a little._

_But I didn't have anything left to sell._

_So they sold theirs for me.  
__The buried fear... misconceptions... prejudice... they sold it all away.  
__It was what kept things stable, you see?  
__It was what made our lives the same as when we had first met- when we had been told that from that moment on, our lives would never be the same. When we had been told that the X-Men were our enemies, and that mutants would rise, to tower over the inferior majority- regardless of what we believed in, what we wanted. When we had been told to follow orders without questions, or else.  
__Because although we didn't like them or believe them, it was what had started our lives together. It was what we had been brainwashed into, knowingly and partially even willingly- in order to survive. It was what we were used to. It was the last thing remaining from all that had changed._

_And now, it was gone._

_All for that little bit. _

Just a little bit of hope.


	28. Chapter 28 Death

Chapter 28. Death.

_I feel so alone._

It always seems dark.

Or too bright. Too bright to open my eyes.

I can't stand it.

I can't stand the darkness.

I can't stand the light.

I hate it all.

* * *

Wanda was beginning to get worried.  
Check that, she had been worried a while now.

She didn't remember what happened, but whatever it had been, it must have had hurt her family a lot.

But after twenty-three days at the institute, they were doing better. Physically and psychologically.  
Fred had been the first to walk around, if with a few difficulties. Then it had been Wanda herself, and Todd. And slower, Lance and Pietro. And... Tabitha never left the bed, not even now.

_Xavier couldn't even get into Tabby's mind._

Her arm still hurt when she moved it wrong, but it was definitely better now.

Fred had almost fully recovered, to the great surprise of everyone. In fact, Wanda wasn't sure, but Fred almost seemed to get stronger by the day, and if she didn't know better, she would have said that he would get stronger than he had been before... whatever had happened. They still hadn't told her exactly what it was that had happened, but they didn't like to talk about it and rarely did now, so she wasn't sure if she should ask.

Todd... she wasn't sure, but she thought the side wound he had was from her, somehow. But she couldn't imagine how she would ever do that, especially to Todd. Sure, he was a little annoying at times, for being overly enthusiastic about 'winning her love', pulling stunts that he thought were 'romantic', and generally trying too hard, but... she would never really **hurt** him. So she had no idea why the little voice in her head nagged about that. And Todd refused to tell her about it in detail, despite all her attempts to get him to. In any case, he was doing fine, hopping around places now, though he still got tired more quickly than before.

Lance was still having stronger headaches than he normally would, but otherwise he insisted that he was 'perfectly fine'. And, despite the fact that she knew Lance often lied about being 'perfectly fine', she wasn't that worried about him. He no longer had the tired look that had always plagued him, the look that she had found on him in the brief moments that he had slipped up on his masks. In fact, she saw him smiling more, talking to them and even the X-Men- even Cyclops- well, Scott now.

Pietro even, was not acting sullen, as she would have expected him to in the past, had they been spending even half an hour with the X-Men for whatever reason it could possibly have been. He was still aching badly from the bullet wound, and spending the most time in bed after Tabby, but he was... cheerful. He played more pranks on the Brotherhood than before, despite the fact that he didn't even have the leisure to use his powers in his current physical state, but they were no longer out of frustration, less hostile, less edgy, and more... endearing, in a way. He played pranks on the X-Men as well, often **with** other X-Men. He joked. He laughed.  
It was... different. And Wanda found that laughter could indeed be infectious.

It made her wonder.  
What had happened- what could she not remember? What had they overcome, that had changed them all so much?  
Why couldn't she remember?

And...

Why was Tabby still not talking?

* * *

_I__ don't see how they could stand having me near._

_I don't see how they could stand to look at me, knowing what I did, what I am._

_I don't see how they don't hate me too._

_Maybe they haven't learned to hate yet. _

I've always thought about it.  
Ever since I first found out about my powers, and everything started going down the drain. Fast.

_I hope they never will._

I even tried it, a few times.

Obviously, I never succeeded.  
I never had the guts to go through with it.

I could never stare death in the face.

_I'm scared._

Well, now, having forced others to do that, I know I can.

_I feel so alone._

It's not as if anything would be affected.

_But I deserve to be alone, don't I._

I'm a selfish person.

I've always done what I wanted, when I wanted.  
And me being selfish- everyone knows it. You see, everyone tells me so too. They always have.  
I'm selfish and a danger to those around me. That's what they tell me.  
Maybe there have been a couple bad turns in my life, but hell, those were probably some end result of me too. I don't keep track of what I do well enough to know, but it's a known fact that I'm irresponsible and reckless- I could have been the cause of everything. They've always told me I'd regret my reckless, irresponsible, selfish ways one day—that one day it'll all catch up to me and I'd have no where to turn to.  
_No one to turn to.  
_Everyone's always told me I'm a bad seed; that I'd end up badly, unless I changed. But of course, I wouldn't change. I'm irresponsible, reckless, and selfish after all.

_Selfish._

So it won't matter. I won't change anything. I never do.

_Always._

The X-Men? It took them a month to notice that I was gone.

_Forever._

The Brotherhood... they've been living without me this long, longer won't change anything.

_It doesn't matter._

"Tabby? Don't get upset, it's me. I've got dinne-"

_I don't, after all._

_

* * *

_

Lance didn't even realize that he had dropped the tray, and the soup was now spreading across the tile floor, as fast as the plague. 

"Tabby..." he didn't notice how hoarse his voice had gotten, in the matter of a few seconds.

She didn't look at him, the single orb glowing in her hand.

She almost looked like she was playing with it, holding it in her half-closed hand like a marble.

But the look in her eyes...

* * *

I think it is a fitting end.

_It __**is**__ how __**I**__ killed them._

I only wish I could go somewhere else, so I won't leave a mess.  
But I don't have the energy to get up. So sitting on this bed will have to do.

Sorry guys, I don't mean for you to clean up my mess, even to the end.

It's the last, I promise.

* * *

Lance's heart stopped when he saw her move her hand, and with it, the sphere.  
Towards her heart.

And he screamed.

* * *

_I__ don't understand._

It didn't work.

It just... disappeared.

It didn't explode.

I don't understand why.

_**It should have killed me!**_

_**

* * *

**_

If events had been even slightly different, Lance would have hated himself for the rest of his life for not reaching her in time to stop it.  
But by some unknown turn of luck, fate, destiny or whatever it was, she was alive still. 

And he had to stop her before she could try something else.

"Tabby! Tabby, please listen to me!"

He carefully took her hands into his, lest she attempt a second round.

"Please, Tabby, look at me! Tabby, don't do this! Tabby, listen to me, please, I'm begging you!" he didn't even notice that he was crying now, feeling more hopeless than ever; but for the first time since they had awoken here, she responded to him, her gaze moving up until clouded, lifeless eyes met his, liquid crystal falling from them but the reasons beyond her now.

"I only want to die..." she whispered, the five words the first she had ever said since their escape. "...And I can't even do that right."

"No! You do not want to die! You can't want to! Tell me you don't want to!"

"I don't like to lie to you, Lance..."

"It's not lying! Please, it doesn't have to be this way! Let me help, Tabby! Let me help!"

Her eyes widened at his words, and suddenly her breathing was ragged. Her gaze lost its focus on him, turning blank as her mind rejected his presence. "I can do it this time, I know I can. I need to do this... I can do it this time," she breathed, hands meeting each other, shakily coming together.

Lance grabbed her before she could create any new bombs.  
"No! Don't do this! I understand that you're not happy right now, I do! But you can get past this! I know what happened! I know what you are going through! I was there too, Tabby! Don't do this, I'm begging you!"

He was hugging her now, holding her tightly, desperately, that she could not free herself from his embrace.

She stopped trying when she realized that if she were to create a bomb, he would get hurt too.  
Instead, she was still, lifeless and limp, no trace of recognition in her eyes now, the dulled blue orbs grayer than ever.

"You don't understand, Lance..."

At the barely audible whisper, he let go, just enough to see her face to face. To see the emptiness in her eyes.  
"I understand, Tabby! I know! But this isn't the answer!" He trembled in front of her, his desperation lost to her.

"...It's different."  
Though her gaze remained unfocused, the lightest of smiles reached her face, but it scared Lance, sent shivers down his spine.  
"No... you don't understand. I liked killing them, Lance."

* * *

"...Something's wrong."  
All three boys turned to Wanda at her voice, suddenly deathly quiet.  
"Something's wrong. I can feel it. We have to go to Tabby. Now."  
She turned, staring at them with fear in her eyes, though she had no idea why she was feeling this way. "NOW!" she screamed, and the four tore out the room.

* * *

"I liked it. I liked killing them. I took their lives, Lance. I really am as horrible as they all say. I liked killing them."

"...N-no... no! You are not horrible! You're my friend, Tabby! You're my family, Tabby! I know you're not a bad person! I'm sorry about what happened. I don't even know how you got captured. I don't know what they did to you before they put you in with us. I don't know what they told you. I don't know what they've done to you. I don't. But I know you're a good person."

Suddenly, she pushed him away, the force of the action so harsh that he fell back.

"You don't understand! I **liked** killing them! I **liked** it!"

He stared at her, unable to say anything as her eyes told the extent of the truth in her words.

"And if I knew who did this to us, **I would kill them too**. And I would **enjoy** it."

The viciousness in her voice, he could never recognize as hers. He saw the sadness there however, and a second later she was overtaken by guilt, falling back limply.  
Her next quiet words rang in his mind, not because of their volume—he could barely hear them—but because of the conviction behind them.

"...I'm a murderer, Lance. Can't you see the blood? I'm a murderer."

"...T-Tabby..."

"I'm sorry Lance... I really did love you guys..." a shaking hand glowed once more, and he lunged in pure instinctive desperation, before his mind had even processed the knowledge.

"No! Please Tabby! Listen to me- we can make it through this. You deserve more! We deserve more! We can make it through this! We have to live! We deserve better than this!"

"I don't want to live, Lance..."

"Don't say that!" he practically screamed, before he hugged her again, devastated at seeing her in so much pain. His voice fell to a desolate whisper. "Please, don't say that."

"Lance, I'm sorry..."

"No, please, Tabby. Think about this. We can make it through this. We always have. We can get through this. You have to live! We can make it through this!"

"...I'm tired of making it through things, Lance. I'm tired of barely surviving just to be thrown into something worse. I'm tired of living, Lance."

"Tabby, don't do this. You'll get better, and you'll feel differently. I know you will! You'll make it through this, we all will. We'll do it together! We were all there, Tabby. Let me help you. Let us help you!"

"...what am I going to live for, Lance? I don't want to live. I don't want to live in this world. It's just going to turn me into something worse. There's nothing left in this world for me, Lance. I don't want to live."

"...T..Tabby..." The breath caught in his throat, and the fastest teen in the world found himself frozen at hearing those words leave her.

**I don't want to live.**

Next to Pietro stood Wanda, and behind them Fred and Todd. All were stunned. So much that they could do nothing but stare.

Lance didn't even notice their friends entering. "You have us, Tabby! What about us? What about us, Tabby? We're still here. We're still here! Please. We need you."

"...You don't need me, Lance. I'll turn you into something horrible too."

"You are not horrible! You are a good person, and you always will be!"

"...Please don't lie to me Lance."

"He's not lying!" Pietro abruptly screamed, all the tension, shock, despair and anger leaving him in one breath. "What are you doing! This isn't like you, Tabby!"

* * *

_Pietro is shouting at me.  
__I don't know when he got here._

"This isn't like you, Tabby! I know you! You never back down! You never back down!"

_He's pushed through Lance, and he's looking at me now, his hands on my shoulders. He should feel warm, but like Lance, I just can't feel him anymore. _

"...You don't know me, Pietro."

"Yes he does! We all do! Don't do this, Tabby. Don't do this!"

_Lance is still crying. Because of me. _

_It's wasted on me, Lance. Don't you see? You're better than me. You're better than this. And you don't even realize it. I'll just ruin you, don't you see? You have to forget me. You have to.  
__This isn't your fault. This isn't anyone's fault. It's just the way things are, the way the world is. Look after them, and take care of yourself—hold on to Kitty; she makes you happy. Be happy. Forget me. I'm not worth remembering._

_Don't you understand- I shouldn't live?_

_I have to do this. It's the only thing to do. _

_I don't want to live anymore._

"TABBY! Stop it!"

_Pietro is yelling at me again. He's holding me now, and he won't let me move. He's crying, sobbing, and it feels wrong, so unfair, that his deep blue eyes should have to hurt so much.  
__My bomb died out, and I feel sad. I can only feel the warmth from them now. Only my bombs. _

_Pietro, I've never had someone like you before. You're special. If I was the sister you first took in place of Wanda, you were the brother I first risked taking in place of my defunct family. I loved you and always will. You and everyone else. You guys gave me something I never had. Please remember that I loved you, and will continue to in death, even if I don't believe in an after life. Please remember that they love you too, and you have more than you realize- more than you're ready to accept yet, I know. But never forget._

"Stop it, Tabby!"

_Wanda now. She doesn't even remember what happened, and she's screaming at me. I don't know why her blue eyes are starting to match Pietro's- she doesn't remember, what is she sad about? I'm glad she doesn't remember- She at least should not have to. None of them should. Then maybe they could believe it never happened. _

_You were my only sister, Wanda. And even though I never told you, and we've known each other less longer, I think of you just as much as I think of the boys. And I love you just as much as I love them. You are special because you are who you are. Todd was first to see that, but he will not be the last. Don't let the world hurt you- your heart is too good for more scars. You're the only sister I have, and you're the only one I trust to leave the boys with._

"...Why... why are you doing this, Tabby?"

_I could barely hear Fred's whisper. _

_Oh Fred, I didn't mean to hurt you, why do you sound so hurt? I never meant to hurt you. You always did have a soft spot, and you were less afraid of showing than the rest of us. You used to leave snacks for us if one of us had a bad nightmare or was depressed. You tried, in your own ways. You tried, in all the ways you knew. But you always felt that it wasn't enough. But you see, just the fact that you care, that you give a damn about us? Just that changes the world for us. After all, we are exactly like you—we're just as lost as you, alone and discarded, to be saved by each other. The difference is that I just lost the fight, that's all. I hope you never do. You shouldn't have to._

"...Tabby? Don't do this..."

_Please Todd, don't look at me that way. Don't cry because of me. Not because of me. Please, not because of me. _

_I know you look up to the rest of us.  
__And I know you think no one could ever admire you.  
__I admire you, Todd. You're the most cheerful little guy I know. You always managed to make us laugh. You're selfless, just in a different way from Lance, who we're all used to; you're both head over heels in love though. You can be just as much a prankster as Quickie, and you can be just as jealous as Wanda. You get hurt in the quiet, just like Fred does. You have a little of all of us in you, and you know what? We have a little of you in us. Me and you? We've both let the world control us. But... don't let it control you anymore. _

_It doesn't work to always just let things happen._

"_**I'm sorry**__..."_

_

* * *

_

'We're not going to get her to stop.' 

The thought pounded into Wanda's head, and she could not stand it. She didn't understand. She didn't understand. And she could not help, not when she didn't understand. She felt helpless at the realization that she could not help the only sister she had ever had.

Blue energy flowed from her hands to Tabitha's, and lingered there locking Tabitha's power back temporarily, the only thing Wanda could think to do.

* * *

"_**I don't want to hurt you**__..."_

_

* * *

_

Fred frantically turned to Lance, but the teen was just as distraught as he was. He turned back to Tabitha, and could not understand how Tabitha, **their** Tabitha, **their Tabby**, could be in so much pain.  
It was obvious she was close to falling unconscious once more, yet she was trying with all the last of her energy to create a bomb. 

And he could not understand how they hadn't realized until it was too late.

But most of all, he could not understand how she thought anything could hurt more than this.

* * *

"_**I... I don't want to ruin you too**__..."_

_

* * *

_

Todd would not let her push him away.  
He clung to her, tears staining her hospital style white pajamas.  
Not understanding.  
How could she push them away? How could she want to leave them? How could she give up? Tabitha never backed down. How could she give up? How could she want to leave them? 

How could she push them away?

* * *

"_**I... I can't... I can't do this anymore**__..."_

_

* * *

_

Pietro wanted to scream. To scream and scream and scream until he could get her to see how she was tearing him apart.  
To scream until she would stop. 

He settled for shouting.

"TABBY! Don't do this, damn it! This isn't like you! Boom Boom never backs down! Now fight back, damn it! Fight back! If I have to live in this shit world, I'm not doing it alone! I'm not doing it alone! I need you, damn it! **We need you!**"

His voice broke.

"_We need you..."_

_

* * *

_

"_**I...I'm sorry... I can't**__..."_

_

* * *

_

Lance did not understand.  
All he could think was that she really was going to kill herself, and the cruel truth slashed into him like a jagged knife. 

"...Tabby... think about us..." he whispered, kneeling down in front of her to search her downcast eyes. "Think about us... you said you didn't want to hurt us, Tabby. Tabby... please think about us. We can't lose you. If one of us were to do this, wouldn't... wouldn't you feel more hurt than anything else? This hurts us more than anything else ever could."

* * *

"_**...I...I... please... don't... don't do this to me."**_

_**

* * *

**_

The faint traces of breaks in the whisper drew all of their desperate attention to it, despite the nearly lifeless silence that followed. 

They didn't let their last chance pass them by.

"Tabby, if you do this, you'll hurt us more than anything ever has before, in all our lives," Lance choked out, feeling like the worst thing to curse the world at seeing her nearly dead eyes close shut in obvious pain.

"...Please, don't do this to me," she whispered.

"I have to tell you the truth, Tabby," Lance whispered back. "If you do this, you'll hurt us more than anything ever could and ever will."

She trembled, and that was all Pietro needed to sit next to her and pull her into a shaky hug, Todd still holding onto Tabby's waist in between them.  
"Please, Tabby. Give us a chance- let us help you," he begged, no trace of his formerly signature pride on him, tortured blue eyes pleading with her through the tears.

"...I... I can't... I can't do this..."

It was Wanda that spoke this time, putting a quivering hand on the other girl's. "I've never seen you fail at anything you decided you wanted to do. You've beaten Lance at hotwiring cars and speeding, Pietro at shopping, Fred at cooking, Todd at invading privacy, and me at sulking. Come on, Tabby."

Quite possibly the only thing that could have gotten the teen to open her eyes was Wanda's attempt at cheerful joking, despite the clear droplets falling continuously down the red-clad girl's cheeks.

It did not go unnoticed by her family.

"Tabby, let's try this one more time. Just one more time. It'll be better this time. It'll be better," Lance pleaded to greyed eyes, still knelt in front of her.

"We're here, and we're not leaving," Fred put a careful, gentle hand on her shoulder, and said nothing of the shiver that passed through her following his action, nor the fact that his eyes were watery as well, now past the shock and into despair.

"You're our sister," Todd held on to her; as if she would disappear the second he let go.

"We can get through this. We'll help each other, Tabby. We can do this," Pietro never let go.

"Together," Wanda finished, and her deep blue eyes lifted beyond all limits of normal hope when the other girl's greyer blue rose to meet her—painfully and listlessly, but looking up all the same.

The greyed blue slowly, as if even the notion of her action hurt her, searched around the room, her glazed gaze tentatively clearing to see the only five people in the world that mattered.

"...I'm sorry..."

Their hearts fell and shattered into thousands of pieces, and that couldn't even begin to vaguely attempt to even grossly under-describe the pain.

But she wasn't finished.

"...for making you cry."


	29. Chapter 29 Rebirth

Chapter 29. Rebirth.

"...Amazing," Hank breathed. "...Simply...amazing."

"...They were able to persuade her... because she knows how much they love her," Ororo let out a relieved sigh. "And because she knows, as they do, just what the rest are feeling."

"...Yes...I was worried that I would have had to force her into unconsciousness- I'm relieved nothing of the sort had to happen," Charles spoke softly, fatigue and relief lining his words.

"...They're a lot more than they ever let on," Logan murmured, still in a bit of shock over the whole scene. "...not that I don't see why."

"Yes... they've been through too much. But I'm grateful that it had at least been together- otherwise I'm not sure we'd have the honor of seeing their friendship today," Charles nodded, sadness in his voice, though respect for their deep amity far overshadowed the gloom. "It was a good thing we did not interfere- it would only have been a threatening intrusion to Tabitha."

Charles had left for Scotland the previous day. Normally, he wouldn't have gone under the present strains of the Brotherhood and Apocalypse still at large. It had, however, been impossible to ignore the necessity of going when he had gotten the phone call telling him about his son. His son who he had never even known existed, who had been kidnapped and was in grave trouble. So he had flown to Scotland on the jet, accompanied by Jean, Scott and Ororo.

Things had not gone well. And it hadn't been until a little past dinnertime that they had gotten back.

A little earlier than that, in the mansion, Logan had finished a training session with the older X-teens; and after getting Hank out of the med. bay they had gotten to dinner.

The Brotherhood had been there as usual, though as usual, Tabitha had been absent- she still had not acknowledged anyone most of the time, and the only ones she had recognized were the Brotherhood. It had become customary for one of the Brotherhood members to take dinner up to her and eat with her- they had attempted to eat with her all together in the med. bay, but that had proved to be a faulty plan on the first attempt, due to limited space. And Tabitha had rarely taken notice of them as separate identities- she had mostly reacted to one person at a time, or reacted as if they were one.

So that evening Lance had carefully taken up a bowl of soup, one of the few things she could eat in her physical condition.  
And about fifteen minutes had passed when Wanda suddenly got up from the table, whispering words that only the Brotherhood heard clearly, from their seats right next to her.  
And then she had screamed "NOW!" and they had all run out the room as if their lived had depended on it.

Hank and Logan had traded brief looks before Logan got up and left after them. After calming the students and reassuring them, Hank too had left for the medical bay. Not three minutes had passed before he ran into Ororo, Charles, Jean and Scott, who had just gotten back. He had noted the troubled expression on their faces, but could do little to accommodate, sending Jean and Scott to the dining room to stay with the students while he hastily explained that something seemed to be wrong, and led Charles and Ororo to the medical bay. When they reached it, Logan was already standing outside the door, and uncharacteristically, he was hesitating. Before the other three X-Men could ask what was happening, he silently shook his head, indicating that they should wait. They went unnoticed as they watched the teens, standing by in case they were needed, the six never learning about the presence of the four.

But they had learned.

The four adults had learned more about the Brotherhood that day than all their knowledge of the teens combined in the past, and they knew they most likely never would see them at their most true like that again—not that they would wish to, if this situation was what called for it.  
They hesitated for a moment before deciding to leave the family alone, and to return a little later to check on them and offer any support they wanted or needed.  
They quietly closed the door and walked away, as Tabitha slowly fell asleep, drained of what little energy she had had.

* * *

_I remember._

I made myself forget.  
I couldn't handle it. The memories of the pain, the nightmares of the torture.  
I made myself forget.

I would have gone insane if I hadn't. I had to. I had to make myself forget all the pain. I would have gone crazy if I hadn't, from the hatred, the despair, everything that plagued Tabitha, everything that plagues all of us.

_I remember._

Yesterday, Tabitha tried to kill herself.

Twenty-three days at the Institute.  
Twenty-three days since our escape.  
Twenty-three days without a word from her.  
And the first thing she had said was that she wanted to kill herself.

Lance told us she had already done it, when he arrived. For some reason her bomb hadn't hurt her. She would be dead if it hadn't been for that luck. Lance had already been there, trying to convince her to stop, when I had gotten a horrible feeling. It had gripped me, and though I had not known why, I had known that Tabitha was in danger. I had run to her, Pietro, Todd and Fred right behind me.

_I remember._

She was trying to kill herself.  
Tabitha was trying to kill herself.  
Tabby, who had always been so cheerful. Tabby, who had always been joking, teasing.  
Tabby, who has never been fearful of my powers.  
Nor me.

_I remember._

I didn't remember at first. Why she was so tormented, so desperate. Why we were in such poor health, why we were with the X-Men and why none of the boys even minded.

Why Pietro would never look me in the eye when I asked what had happened, avoiding the question with open desperation that only surfaced now for this topic, as he had become calmer and more collected as of late.

Why Tabby had remained despondent and unresponsive.

Why Fred had been talking to Charles Xavier with sobs of guilt and suffering from nightmares that racked even his tough body with panicked coughs.

Why Lance had cried in such despair and relief.

...And why Todd had gotten shot.

_I remember._

I made myself forget.  
I made myself forget, because I was scared to remember the truth. The truth of the horrors, the terrors, the nightmares that will never leave us.  
I made myself forget.

_I remember._

I remember.

And I'm scared this will tear me apart.

* * *

I'm worried.

I'm worried because after almost losing my adopted sister, I'm scared I may lose my blood sister now.

I'm worried.

_I'm terrified. _

Wanda burst into my room six minutes and thirty-one seconds ago.  
She has been crying ever since.

I'm positively vibrating with fear.

She remembers.  
I thought she had forced herself to forget everything, and I had been relieved. Memory isn't such a great thing. Without the memories, she would have none of the nightmares.  
If she did not remember, she would be safe.  
If she did not remember, I could protect her.

She remembers.

And she remembers everything.

_Everything. _

I've done this to her.

I've done this to her. I started everything by failing her the first time. I've done this to her.

_Everything. _

I let our father lock her away.  
I let them hurt her.  
I couldn't protect her.

I failed her.  
And now she remembers.  
Everything.

_I failed her._

But I will not despair in my guilt.

Lance has always suffered from guilt.  
Responsibilities as our brother, our friend, our leader, and our protector. Guilt.

Guilt that swallows you from the inside, tears you up, and slashes you apart.

Guilt that destroys you.

Lance has always suffered from guilt. It's a part of his personality, his loyalty to us, his desire to protect us.  
It's rather different from my guilt.  
I suffered from guilt because of my own betrayals.  
I deserved the suffering.

Nothing more to be said.

At least... I used to think so.

I have made many mistakes.  
I have let down the people that trusted me most when they needed me most.  
I have failed my family, my friends, and I deserve the weight of my guilt to devour me and destroy me.  
I used to think so.

I used to use guilt as my excuse to run from change.

Change is terrifying.

Everyone tells me I'm mercurial, that I'm unpredictable, that I change at the slightest whim.  
I'm terrified of change.  
I could never risk it. Change is unreliable, unmanageable, unsafe.  
I could never risk it.  
But I have.  
I've stopped running. I can stay when I am needed, despite the terrors of risking even more change.  
I've stopped lingering on guilt and past mistakes, what I thought had been necessary duty, what I had come to force myself to endure excessively even when I realised subconsciously that it was counter-productive. Even when I realised that it did not help anyone to be drowned in my guilt, dragged so far down that I couldn't forgive myself and try to change for the future, change for the better.

_I am terrified._

I have changed.

I am still terrified.

She remembers.  
She remembers everything.  
I can't protect her from the nightmares now. I can't protect her from what has happened to us. I can't protect her from the pain of my past betrayal.  
I am terrified that she will not want to face the cruel truth of it all.

And I am terrified that she will not want me.

* * *

I've been crying for a while now.  
The tears are beginning to lessen, and the sobs are quieter.  
Pietro has said nothing.  
I have done nothing but cry in his arms, but I know that he knows why I am here. And I know what he fears I will do.

_I am terrified. _

I've been crying for a while now.  
I will not make myself forget.  
I remember. And I will remember.

_I will remember._

I remember everything.  
I am almost glad I did not remember, and I am almost miserable that I have remembered.  
I will not make myself forget.

_I am terrified._

I am tired of living a lie.  
And I am sick of living in rage.

_I will remember._

Anger consumes everything.  
It makes you lose purpose. Sense. Logic. Emotion.

_Me._

Anger destroyed who I was.  
Hatred took over everything I had.  
It destroyed me once, and I will not let it destroy me again.

I can do better.

_I will be happy. _

I have survived.

_I am terrified. _

I have the nightmares, the past that will never leave me. The memories of the torment, the fear, the hopelessness.  
I have my friends, my family. I have new friends, new teachers, a new home.  
I have survived. I will survive.  
I will be happy.

_But I am not alone._

I am no longer crying.  
"...I love you, Pietro."

_I remember.  
__And I will remember._

Pietro is.  
"...thank you, Wanda."


	30. Chapter 30 Free

Chapter 30. Free.

I can fly.

No, I can't actually fly. That's a cool power. I think it would be awesome if I could fly. I mean, seriously, how cool would that be?

I can almost fly.

It's weird.  
My powers... my body... something's changed. I feel... I feel incredible.  
It's been a thirty-three days now since we've started living with the X-Men. My side still hurts if I move wrong, but somehow I'm otherwise perfectly fine now.

And I can almost fly.

When I jump, it's usually higher jumping down than jumping up. I could normally do two stories without trouble. Push me off a second story building and I'll survive. I always thought that was kind of cool. Not that I'd like to be pushed off a building or anything, but hey I have the option.

I feel like I can fly.

This morning, we suited up for the first time since what happened.  
We didn't actually suit up, since all our stuff's buried under the Boarding House and even if it's our home, we're not really ready to go back near there yet. Besides... the mutant identities thing? I don't think it's what we're about anymore.  
So we suited up in comfortable sweats and went to see Professor X. Professor X, he's been good to us, and maybe I feel comfortable with him now. It's like we don't have to think he's the enemy anymore. I don't know, it doesn't seem worth it to pick sides all the time like we used to with Mystique and Magneto around. It's kind of like the mutant identities thing.

Though I still like being called Toad. I don't know, it's just who I am, you know? It's just as much my name as Todd is.

Anyway, Professor X don't make us pick sides, so it's all good. He seemed surprised when we asked to use the Danger Room. But we figured, we had to know if we still had our powers and all, after what's happened. Tabby told us our powers were supposed to be gone now, if the stuff they experimented on us with worked... I guess it makes sense, Lance told me he couldn't use his powers for a long time during the break out. And Tabby said hers might have gone haywire since her bomb didn't... didn't hurt her. She hasn't tried using her powers again since, so we don't know.  
I was kind of worried everyone had lost their powers. Which didn't make sense to me, because I kind of felt like I still had mine. But what do I know about science, I flunked biology and then we were kicked out of school. So I was worried and all, and Pietro wouldn't try to use his powers when I asked, so I didn't know if it was just me but then Freddy told me he felt all right too so...  
Yeah basically, we decided to really try. See if we still had our powers. At first Professor X and everyone weren't so sure because they were worried we'd tire ourselves out and all, but we convinced everyone that we're cool now. I mean, it's weird, but Freddy, Wanda and me, we're almost better than ever.

Freddy's good now, and he don't need to rest so often as he used to. He's been talking to Professor X a lot and I think he's feeling better too. Jean is helping him too, and Freddy's been helping her help Kitty with her cooking. It's a real good thing, because sometimes only Freddy can catch one of Kitty's muffins when they go wild and on rampage. Kitty's muffins are scary sometimes.  
Yeah, me and Freddy, we've even had a Gut Bomb eating contest with Kurt and Jamie. I only finished two, but hey it was fun. Freddy won of course, he's the man for food. Jamie was kind of surprising though, the guy pulled an ace out by triplicating. Triplicating, that's a word right yo? Bobby says Jamie just wanted to do that though, and he's probably right because Jamie dropped out after one burger, but it's all for fun, so it's cool.

Wanda's good now, her arm's all healed and she's taking some vitamins, but Hank says she'll be fine. She's remembered, and I was really worried she'd be angry and sad and lost like she used to be because of it, but she's... she seems okay now. She's talking to Professor X and Pietro a lot, but she seems okay. Better, kind of. She even smiles sometimes now.

Even smiled at me.  
Now that may have helped me with the almost flying thing. She's always looked so troubled, even after Magneto messed with her memories, but now she looks better. Like a weight's off her shoulders. I might sound like I'm going way overboard with her just being cool with remembering, but I can feel it, she's better off remembering and dealing with everything than forcing herself to forget.

Lance's almost all better too. His headaches from after the break out are gone now, and his leg wound is all healed too. His broken arm ain't all fixed yet, but he says it doesn't bother him much. He's been pretty happy lately, after Tabby and Wanda got calmed down and everything's looking better.  
He's been spending a lot of time with Kitty, and Rogue told me they're talking a lot. It's good, because Lance don't usually talk about things. He needs someone to talk to. Oh Lance's been hanging out with the rest of us too though. He and Scott have been cool since that day and no one feels awkward anymore, so we can all hang out at the rec room to watch movies and stuff. Now if only Jubes and Amara would stop trying to get us to watch so many chick flicks.

Now we were kind of worried about Pietro because of the bullet wound. His shoulder was real stiff and hurt a lot for a while at first, and he kept having to rest a lot. But he's been well enough to shoot hoops with Ray and Sam sometimes, so he's getting better. He's been talking to Ororo and Professor X, and he even got in touch with Evan and they're cool now, though Evan was real confused at first.  
Pietro's happier now. He doesn't show it too much, but we can tell. It's good, because for as long as I've know Pietro, it's been rare that he was actually happy. Even back in the beginning when Lance was always in a good mood going to see Kitty, and Freddy and I would joke around and the three of us would prank each other or Lance, he was never really at ease. He never relaxed. Always ready to move. It's strange to see him finally relaxed, but it's good.

Tabby's talking now. She's moved out of the medical bay and into dorms like the rest of us—Pietro and Lance shares a room, I bunk with Freddy, and Tabby's with Wanda now. Tabby's leg's all healed and her chest wound's healing too, like Pietro's. She can move around as much as the rest of us, and she's quiet, but she's talking and eating with us and hanging out together. Yesterday, she played board games with me, Roberto and Rahne, and she's been playing cards with Logan.  
Tabby talks a lot to Logan. He's been teaching her some fighting stuff too, but mostly she talks to him a lot. Tabby's a lot quieter than she used to be, but she's making jokes and teasing sometimes, so I think she'll be better, she just needs some time.

All that was left was if we still had all our powers.

* * *

Lately, Professor Charles Xavier was, frankly, quite tired.  
The previous week, Apocalypse had erected another dome in China. There had been an altercation involving Duncan Matthews and Evan, in which the X-Men had gone to help Evan, along with the Morlocks who had shown up at the scene as well. Although Evan did not return to the Institute, Ororo had gotten a chance to talk to her nephew. They had also met Dorian Leech, a young boy with the ability to repress nearby powers, including mutant powers.  
A few days later, Gambit had caused a bit of trouble by kidnapping Rogue, which lost more much desired time, but fortunately helped Rogue and Kurt in the process.  
So much was happening however, and with the threat of Apocalypse still looming large, he was beginning to feel very lacking, in time, resources, and his own capabilities.  
When Lance requested to meet him on behalf of the Brotherhood however, he knew it had to be important. Too important to neglect or even postpone. So he had agreed, immediately asking Hank, Logan and Ororo to the meeting as well as requested by the Brotherhood.

Logan was, frankly, surprised.  
Charles had asked them to a meeting that the Brotherhood had requested. He had walked in to find the teens already present, turning around at his entrance. Hank and Ororo sat in the room as well, with Charles nodding to him as he closed the door behind him.  
"Thank you for coming, Logan."  
That had been all, no further explanations or even a word from anyone. They had sat in silence for a good minute before Lance finally spoke.  
And Logan was surprised.  
"We were wondering if we could use the Danger Room today."  
The Danger Room? Most of the Brotherhood teens had refrained from using their powers since HYDRA, and in many cases, it had been obvious. Pietro for one, had never once complained about being bored and others' slowness since. It was particularly strange since the speedster had always been so devoted to his powers. But here he was, just like the rest of the six, and they were asking to use the Danger Room.  
Wanda's hands were trembling but she did not let her voice waver. "Our powers... we haven't used them."  
'Since the experiments', Logan knew that was the phrase they meant to use so often lately, but never directly said. 'Since what happened' was what they used, and even then only when necessary.  
He couldn't blame them.  
"We want to know if we still have them," Pietro spoke, uncharacteristically slowly. Hesitation. Reluctance, almost. Logan recognised it to be fear. He was scared to find that they no longer had their powers.

"Or if they've changed," Fred spoke, and he too was hesitant, but his was a different reason. Uncertainty. He had his powers, Fred and Todd could not exist separate from their powers. They were worried for the rest. There was a faint trace of guilt from Fred, guilt for potentially still having his powers, if something had indeed happened to the others'.  
"They were trying to mess up our powers, and they succeeded for a while, so..." Todd trailed off uncertainly, not sure how to continue. He shared Fred's anxiety.  
Logan knew the teens well enough by now that he had already turned to the likely last speaker, sitting next to Lance and Fred.  
"...but regardless of everything, we don't want to use our powers to fight. We don't want to fight."  
Tabitha spoke, her voice quieter as it was now, but resolute and powerful, as he had lately learned she herself was. He knew what she meant, what they meant. They didn't want to be just mutants. They didn't want to be weapons.

Tabitha had cried just twice in all their talks. The first had been the day after her planned and attempted suicide, their first talk. She had stunned him then, coming into the kitchen at five thirty in the morning and sitting down in front of him, taking his coffee mug out of his own hand. It had seemed both so unusual and ordinary at the same time. Tabitha walking in at such an early hour and specifically sitting down with him—that had never happened before and he would never have expected it. Tabitha taking his coffee, now that had happened before, often enough before the HYDRA crisis that he had decided not to even bother with threatening her with a Danger Room session. But this time, it was different. When she took the mug, he had half expected her to take a drink with a grin of teasing thanks, as she had done in the past, before remembering that things had changed. Tabitha however, smiled and took a sip, before sliding the mug back to him. Logan had been baffled, at a loss to reacting. She gave him exactly one minute to prepare for what would follow.  
"I'm not fighting anymore, Logan."  
His newspaper fell forgotten and he got up, moving his chair to sit by her as she cried.  
Logan remembered all their talks, but he remembered that one the most.  
The Brotherhood would not take part in the mutant sides, neither against humanity nor for coexistence with humanity.

"We... we just want to check." Lance concluded in final.  
To see if their powers were the same.  
Hank was startled.  
All six teens had used their powers during their break out and escape, though they had told them that they hadn't been able to until their very breaking point. Which meant there could be changes. But whether they had all their powers intact and unaltered or not, he was surprised because they had been avoiding the matter of checking until now, and hadn't thought that they would be ready to do so quite so abruptly. Additionally, Pietro, Tabitha and Lance were not fully healed yet, which gave some reserves for all the adults.  
In the end however, they had agreed in the face of the teens' resolute request and he and Charles had entered the control room, while Ororo and Logan entered the Danger Room with the six teens lest there be any need for their assistance.

Later that day, the four adults had reconvened separately to discuss how they would proceed.  
In that Danger Room session, they found out that the aftermath of the HYDRA base escape could have left the base and its soldiers in a lot worse condition than they had then.  
Somehow, while their bodies had fought to live, their powers had adapted and even grown.  
Todd's acrobatic prowess had always been a strong point, but he was no longer jumping in feets or metres. He was jumping in stories. He could likely jump up to a third story window, a tall height for even jumping down, before. His muscles were powerful.  
Fred's strength was unknown. He had been capable of lifting stone statues and stopping runaway buses before, but now it seemed he was even stronger. He was more invulnerable to blows and attacks now, and he did not tire easily.  
Fred and Todd, however, had been anticipated to some extent. At least it had been evident that they still had some form of their powers, though it hadn't been known that they had advanced so. A nearly similar case was Pietro.  
Pietro hadn't let on, but his thought processes were as fast as ever. His reflexes remained. He had known that. But he hadn't run in a long time. Longer for his sense of time. He had been worried. Both in his ability to run as fast as he had been able to before... and perhaps a little in what that entailed. But he had tried, within the safe confines of the Danger Room. And he had found himself faster than ever. He could feel the winds rise from the air with a simple move from him. All his powers were intact, and they had grown.  
Lance however, was the most obvious. He could always feel the seismic waves, the strange but comfortable connection he had to the earth. His earthquakes however, had not always been controlled. It had taken a lot out of him to sink the train explosion under the ground, and he had suffered from heavy headaches afterwards. His destruction of the HYDRA base had been the biggest thing he had ever done. And it had not been a one time surge. His powers could be far more destructive now than they had ever been. And he suffered less repercussions, less headaches.  
But there were other changes. Changes in the teens, not their powers.  
Although she wasn't exerting as much energy as her friends, Tabitha's bombs were far more potent than they had ever been. She was using them differently however, far more dangerously than she had ever done before. Her prankster attitude had disappeared and rather than creating smaller bombs of less potency and throwing many, she resorted to fewer, more dangerous bombs instead. She was however, extremely restrained, and never created a bomb in excess.  
Wanda's powers had not developed much further, but Wanda had. Being more focused and with her mind at ease from the constant hatred and confused anger she had carried in the past, her control over her powers had increased significantly. Her powers were no longer the strongest when she was angry, and she was no longer forced by emotion to use her powers unintentionally.

The six Brotherhood members were powerful. They would be of great help against Apocalypse. Each day the threat of Apocalypse grew, and each day past was another lost to time without gaining an answer. They needed all the help they could get.

Yet, all four adults knew that they could not ask the six teens to help. No, they could not ask the teens. Not to fight again. No.

* * *

I don't know what we're going to do now.  
We're mutants.  
But it's not like that's all we are.

Our powers are a part of us.  
I know it's real obvious for me, since I can't even be me without my powers, but it's true for all of us.  
I know Todd sometimes wishes he didn't have some of his mutations, to blend in more, but he wouldn't give up his powers.  
I know Lance hates his headaches, but he wouldn't give up his powers.  
I know Pietro complains about having to slow down for everyone else, but he wouldn't give up his powers.  
I know Tabby's going through difficult times right now, but she wouldn't give up her powers.  
I know Wanda had a lot of trouble in the past because of her powers, but she wouldn't give up her powers.

Actually, I think we're all terrified of losing our powers.  
That's why we were so nervous about checking. I was real anxious too, even though I knew I had to have some part of my powers at least—not just for me either. I was nervous because I knew what it would mean if someone did lose their powers.

Our powers are a part of us.  
We're mutants.  
That's not all we are, but we wouldn't be us without being mutants too.

The bad thing about being mutants is that no one looks at you without first thinking that you're a mutant.  
It's like just because we're mutants, we're suddenly a whole different race.  
Oh, wait. I think we are. I'm pretty sure Magneto said we were.  
But it's not like we're completely different. I don't think I'm that different from the humans. I mean, I know I'm a big guy and I eat a lot, but it's not like humans don't eat too...  
I don't know, I guess I am different, and mutants are all different.  
I guess that's why Magneto said we can't live peacefully with the humans. I got to admit, he had a point, because a lot of humans really hate us.  
I just don't get why.

I'm real sick of fighting.

I never really understood everything about why we had to fight against the X-Men and why we had to fight against the humans, but I thought we had to do it to survive.  
Now I think we should do something else instead. I don't think the fighting's helping, though I'm still not sure I get everything about it. I probably don't, but I'm still sick of fighting.

Those humans... they did a lot of real bad things to us. I... I've been talking to the Professor about it. I don't feel good about killing them, but I don't know what else I could have done. Would have done. I lost control. And I did kill those people.  
Professor X says I can't be hard on myself. He said I was under a lot of stress and that the people had done a lot to make me lose control like that. I asked him if he thought I should hate them like Tabby says she does, but he told me he couldn't tell me how to feel. Which I'm not sure I get, because I thought that was what bosses were supposed to do. Then again, Professor X doesn't act like he's our boss, and he doesn't give us orders, just advice.

Magneto used to say that we had to hate the humans back and fight them, so that we could beat them and make sure they can't do anything bad to us.  
I used to think that was right.  
I mean, Magneto was kind of too intense sometimes, but he's a real smart leader, I mean Mystique used to work for him, and Mystique was a real smart leader too. So what they tell me would be right, right?  
But Magneto and Mystique were kind of like the humans too. They just saw us with our powers.

We're mutants, but we're more than just our powers.  
Still, without our powers, we're not us.

I don't know what's right no more.  
I don't hate the humans, but I don't understand why they hate us so much. I don't understand how some people could hate us so much.  
And I don't know what to do now.  
But I do know I want things to be different.

I just don't know how.


	31. Chapter 31 Sides

Thank you for reading and reviewing, whylime and rogue-scholar07!

To whylime: Thank you for all your compliments! We're flattered. We did take a hiatus in the middle, but we're back now. We will be covering the Apocalypse episodes (in fact this chapter starts on it) but there won't be great detail as the first-person-perspective does limit that some and we've taken an alternative route.

* * *

Chapter 31. Sides.

They are desperate.

The X-Men are desperate.

Apocalypse took Professor X and Ororo.  
And Apocalypse already had Magneto and Mystique.  
My father is alive.

And Apocalypse is controlling him. Like he's controlling Mystique, Ororo and Professor Xavier.  
The sentinels are no use.

The X-Men are desperate.

Logan told us they hadn't planned on asking. They knew we didn't want a part in this. They knew we didn't want to fight as mutants anymore. But they hadn't known what would happen.

Logan has asked us to fight with the X-Men.  
Against Apocalypse.

Logan has asked us to fight.  
The X-Men are desperate.

Where will we go now?

What will we do now?

We are not Magneto's soldiers anymore.  
My father has been dead to me. I thought I had made my peace with that. I know I tried.  
My father saw me necessary to forsake. For the greater good.  
My only question is: what greater good?  
He gave me up and designed me as one of his soldiers, an expendable pawn in his giant chess game of war. He gave up Wanda and locked her away because he could not control her to be a solider, nor had the time and patience to try to mold her into one.

What greater good?

Who are we saving?

Why are we fighting?

Apocalypse wants to turn everyone into mutants.  
I thought that would be something my father would like, but apparently it wasn't.  
I know Professor Xavier wanted to stop it because of all the people that would die in the process.  
What if that's Apocalypse's greater good?

The willingness to sacrifice for the greater good.  
It's frightening, really. Tweak the definition a little and you could pretty much have full scale genocide.  
Which, I guess, is what Apocalypse will kind of be doing, trying to turn everyone into mutants.

Humans did this to us.  
Humans hate us.  
Humans have hurt us so much that I can't sleep a night without waking up from the nightmares.

Is it so necessary to fight to save them?

I can't believe I'm pondering global genocide.

I really am my father's son.

Though, my father was first in line in fighting against Apocalypse.

I'm really tired.  
We all are.  
We're sick of fighting.  
We're sick of being soldiers.

The X-Men are desperate.  
Humanity is looking pretty doomed.

I don't know why I don't feel more about this. I mean, it's global massacre we're talking about. Worldwide mass murder. Even if it's to people that hate us... I know it's not right. I know, but I just... I don't feel anything about it. I just... I'm tired. I'm sick of all the wars. I'd rather find a nice corner of the world where no one will bother us and we can just live without having to deal with all this.  
But... I know it's not right. I know we should help the X-Men. Even if I hate the people that tortured us... I can't blame the whole world for them. Even if the world does blame us like that.  
I... I know, but I don't feel anything for it.

We talked about this.

Todd wants to help.  
He doesn't want to stand by when the world is going to be killed. He's been hesitant about saying so, but he's always been a soft-hearted one, and he knows right from wrong, though life has been hard on him. He may have picked pockets in the past, but he knows what's right and what's wrong. It's the basics of the matter. Right and wrong.  
Todd wants to fight.

Wanda wants to help.  
Wanda's never been about sacrifices, so it wasn't the biggest surprise. Lately she's calmer, more logical, but in the end Wanda follows her heart. And her heart's always been in the right place, as they say. Wanda's not even a wavering heart like me. She's not going to let Apocalypse kill the humans, and she's not going to let Apocalypse use father for the genocide, regardless of how father has wronged her.  
Wanda wants to fight.

Lance was reluctant.  
He's tired of being a weapon. But after a sigh he nodded and we knew Lance would never change. Lance once pushed Kitty out of the way of a flaming statue and got crushed instead. Lance had been the one to help the old lady from the subway. Lance stopped the explosion from the trains when we went overboard with my ideas. Lance was the one that sacrificed the most when we had nothing and only Lance to rely on. He won't admit to it, and he doesn't believe it himself, but Lance is a good guy, like all the television heroes that seem so different from us.  
Lance wants to fight.

Fred was also reluctant.  
He's been troubled lately. He's always been let down by humanity since he was a kid, and he's always had to endure a lot, but since what happened... he just doesn't understand anymore. All the hatred that humanity has, the hatred so many humans have for us. Fred doesn't want us to be split, and he's the one that wanted the majority vote. But in the end, Fred's a good guy too. And Fred wouldn't want to leave the X-Men in danger. Fred is loyal, and he will help because the X-Men are in trouble and they've asked for our help.  
Fred wants to fight.

Tabby has said nothing.  
We know she said she would fight no more. She is thoroughly sick of it, and more so than any of us, more so than even Lance, Fred and I. Tabby has not agreed to the majority vote. If we all vote to fight... she may stay behind. It's not that she's not good like Lance or Fred or Wanda or Todd... it's just that she can't take another second of wars and fights. Tabitha told us she killed people. And she's told us that it's different from what happened with Fred and Lance. Tabby is sick of fighting... but she is also sick of herself right now.  
Tabby will not fight. Tabby cannot fight.

I don't want to fight.  
It's not that I think genocide's a good idea. It's not that I don't want to or want to fight Magneto, or that I hate or don't hate him. It's not that I don't want to save humanity. It's just that I don't see the point. I don't want to fight. I am not a weapon. I am not just a mutant. I'm Pietro Maximoff, and I've had a life's worth of fights all in a few years as a mutant teenager. I don't want to fight. But if they all go...  
I don't want to fight. Even if I go, it would only be to stand beside then, not for any hope I have for the world. But... even if...

_I don't want to fight. _


	32. Chapter 32 Choice

Thank you for reading and reviewing, rogue-scholar07 & Erikstrulove!  
Sorry for the delay, and a belated Happy New Year. We'll probably update again soon to make up for the lateness of this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 32. Choice.

We've used to being forced into things.  
We're used to being ordered around, blackmailed, and threatened.  
We're used to taking what's left over because there's nothing else. We're used to taking what's left, discarded, unwanted by the rest of the world, because it's all we can get.  
And we're used to the world telling us that even that's too good for us.

We're used to being the hoods.

We're used to being alone.  
We're used to being left out.  
We're used to being forsaken.  
We're used to being forgotten.  
We're used to being abandoned.  
We're used to being hurt.

We are hoods.  
We are the Brotherhood.  
And for the first time in our lives, we're going to do something, not because we were ordered to, not because the circumstances have forced us to, not because there's nothing else we can do, but because we've chosen to.

We have chosen to fight against Apocalypse.

We had said we would not fight again.  
We refused to be mere mutants, mere weapons.

We are not weapons.  
We have chosen to fight.

I called the meeting.  
We first gathered outside the door of the room Pietro and I shared before going to meet the X-Men.  
Todd and Fred stepped out of their rooms to join me first. Wanda emerged from her room shortly. Pietro had not been the room with me. Tabitha had not been in her room with Wanda.  
Neither came.

We started walking.

Wanda wordlessly hugged Pietro when we found him waiting for us outside the meeting room.

Tabitha did not come.

We opened the door and walked in.

* * *

"Logan, what is this meeting about? I thought we were going over plans in the evening after Evan, Alex, Angel and Colossus arrived."  
"I'm not the one calling this meeting, Hank. I called this meeting because the Brotherhood asked me to."  
"You mean-"  
Logan nodded before Hank could finish. "Yeah, we're getting our answer," he confirmed as they walked into the meeting where the X-teens were already present.

A minute later, the door opened once more, and Pietro walked in, followed by Wanda, Lance, Todd and Fred.  
Logan noted the absence of Tabitha, but did not say anything, waiting for the Brotherhood to speak.

Lance glanced one last time towards his friends in final confirmation as they sat down, and finally spoke.  
"We will fight."

Logan was actually relieved. They needed all the help they could get, and the Brotherhood was powerful, even before their recent power advances. But he knew the reason for Tabitha's absence and as such had to ask.  
"You're sure?"

Lance nodded. "We're fighting with you."

Logan nodded, looking around the five teens before making the formal announcement. "All right then. Avalanche, Quicksilver, Blob, Toad, Scarlet Witch, you're all onboard."

"Meltdown."

They all turned to the voice at the door, but Logan only nodded gruffly.  
"You're late."

She only gave a slight smile, first to the man and then to her closest six friends.  
"I'll fight. Codename, Meltdown."

* * *

"Logan."

"Yeah Boomer?"

"Logan, it's Meltdown."

"Give me time to get used to it," he replied seemingly uncaringly as he poured the coffee into the mug. But she knew enough to spot his slight smile as he handed her the mug, before moving to get a second mug for himself. She handed him the mug back however, just before stepping towards the door, pausing at the doorway.

"Badger?"

He couldn't help turning sharply in surprise at the return of the nickname, not having expected it, not in the least.

"...After we get back from fighting Apocalypse, I'm borrowing your motorcycle for a joyride."

He returned her smirk, though he knew it was bittersweet.  
"Not a chance, Boomer."

* * *

_M__y name is Lance Alvers._

I hadn't expected it, but then again, we had all known it on some level.

_I am a mutant._

I know Tabby doesn't want to fight. I know Pietro doesn't want to fight. And I know even Fred's feeling a little unsure.

But in the end, we'll all fight, because we will stand by each other. We may not be the best, and we may not be the most powerful, but we will stand by each other.

_I am a good person._

To stand by us. That's the only reason Pietro came. He's going to fight just to stand by us.  
That's the only reason that moved Tabitha to come. She's going to fight just to stand beside us.

In a large part, we're all going to fight simply to stand by each other, to stay together as the Brotherhood.

_I am a hood._

Because we are the Brotherhood, and we're the dysfunctional family that we've never had, the makeshift family that has been through hell together. We will stand by each other.

We are hoods.

_We are the Brotherhood. _

* * *


End file.
